TALK LESS, PRAY MORE

Three years ago, I wrote: For me, as a mom, I’ve adopted a new motto: Talk Less, Pray More, and I usually remember to abide by it. I stay close to my sons, trying not to enable or interfere, and I respond with greater patience and understanding. My sons know that they are my priority, and I laugh when I tell them a familiar Italian expression, ‘la mamma è sempre la mamma,’ which means ‘the mother is always the mother.’ All over the world, this seems to be a universal truth.

My personal reflection on this passage: Jeff is sober today and our family lives in a space of gratitude. We also understand that we must stay humble in the face of addiction because it lurks in the shadows, always taunting, biding its time, gauging just the right moment when vulnerability is high and relapse is possible. We must stay humble and grateful – and continue to hope and believe.

Today’s Promise to consider: I can’t control or fix anyone or anything, but I can listen more closely, respond with greater compassion and pray more. And I will.

 

 

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Nanci
Nanci
10 years ago

Hi Libby,
What a beautiful picture (your pictures always bring me joy and hope).Your message and reflection is a constant reminder to focus on the things I have control of and to never, ever lose hope. I need and appreciate this reminder.
Bless you and your family. Love, Nanci

Libby Cataldi
Libby Cataldi
10 years ago

Dear Linda,

Thanks for writing. How could I forget James, Bobby and your family? Your sons were leaders, kind and intelligent. I’m deeply sorry to hear about James and I’ll bombard the heavens for him. His issues are complicated because of being bipolar and I pray he makes the choice to get help. You’re right that love is not enough! If it were, our kids would be fine. My love to you and yours,

L

Libby Cataldi
Libby Cataldi
10 years ago

Dear Nanci,

Thanks for your support and compassion. Where there is life, there is hope. Bless you and your family, too. My love,
L

Jane
Jane
10 years ago

Linda:
Prayers for you and your son. I will keep you in my thoughts. It is so hard. I hope he can get help in any way it appears. Prayers for his safety and recovery
Jane

Libby thank you again for this forum. I continue to hope only because others help me to hope. If I were left to my own devices I would find it hard to find hope. God Bless
Jane

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Dear Jane, I understand and agree with you. We need to hold hands so we don’t feel alone. Addiction wants to isolate us and keep us in silence. As Dr MacAfee says, “The way to break addiction is to take it out of the shadows and into the light.”

My love to you,
L

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Libby, I too want to thank you so much for this forum. I want to thank all of you who have held my hand and shown such sincere compassion, I can’t even find the words to express it all. I just know that I’m grateful for all of you who participate in Libby’s forum. Thank you all for staying close, and, most of all, thank you for being honest with your hearts and souls.

Dear Linda, I will say a special rosary for you and your son in hopes that he’ll enter recovery, soon. I know how you feel when you say you have hopes the police will pick him up. I prayed that the police would arrest my son when he was in active addiction. At least I knew where he was and that he was safe.

Dear Jane, you are so precious to me. I like what you said “I continue to hope because others help me to hope”. You and your son are always in my prayers.

Love to all of you…..

Barbara

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

My dearest Barbara, Your entries always touch me and I am grateful that you contribute here. You lost your son yet you have have the love, compassion and grace to reach out and help us. Your words come from the deepest place in a mother’s heart. You are precious to us.

My love and sincere respect to you.

Libby

Sarah
Sarah
10 years ago

To echo the ladies above… thank you for this forum Libby… and thank you fellow Moms. It brings tears to my eyes each week, and such relief to know that I am not alone in my journey as a mother of an addict. I often just observe what is posted and sit silently, but it all means so much to me. Thank you all for reminding me of my deep gratitude for this little blog that helps me get through my everyday life.

My boy told me about “Stay Close” on one of my visits to see him in jail, he had found it and read it there… such irony… he told me “this is the story of us Mom”… I was so happy, he was clean & healthy, talking sense and so respectful and loving. After being clean in jail for 6 months, he used less than 24 hours of being released. That was 2 years ago. We are still waiting for him to surrender… as another mother of an addict I know once told me, “their surrender may not ever come in this lifetime”… what a concept.

Thank you Liby, for allowing myself and others a forum for sharing these sometimes dreadful, heartbreaking, sometimes hopeful thoughts and words of encouragement.
Love to you all.
S.

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for reaching out to us. Your son told you about the book – what an amazing and beautiful gift. “This is our story, Mom.” There are many commonalities with addiction and many of our stories ring true with the same trauma and same events. Dr. MacAfee tells me that’s why groups like AA and Al-Anon work. We hear our stories in other people’s stories.

I am deeply sorry that your son is still out there. Surrendering is the key, for our sons and for us. In the end, I surrendered to Jeff’s addiction and I found some space of peace. In the end, he surrendered and he found sobriety. I am grateful for today and pray for tomorrow. I remain humble in the face of addiction.

You are not alone. We are here for you, taking one step at a time. We all have our hurts and heartaches, but we know that we can reach out a hand and hold on.

My love to you. Let’s keep our sons in our prayers.

Libby

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Sarah, your son was the one who told you about Libby’s book. That in itself, shows that he loves you and treasures your relationship. I never gave up on my son. There is always hope that your son will reach bottom and find recovery. I always reiterated (to my son) that there are so many programs like AA and NA for the support he needed. And, they’re free.

I pray your son will surrender soon….

Love and respect,
Barbara

I will pray

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Libby, thank you for your kind words

jane
jane
10 years ago

Sarah
Thank you for joining us this week. I will now add you to my prayers although you’ve really always been included because I pray for all relatives of addicts. We all must hope that their surrender comes in this lifetime but I am very aware and accept the possibility that my son’s may not.That in itself does not negate my hope, it is tempered though. My al anon group is my family and a lifeline. Like my friends in Al Anon you are also a lifeline of support here in Libbys forum. Great to have you with us.
Prayers and hugs to all on this day of love
Jane