A mother wrote to me: My husband and I were always with our kids, but it seems to me that the kids who were on their own did better. Many of our neighborhood children grew up with our kids, and they are all very successful. How did mine turn out to be addicted to drugs?
My reflection: Many times, I asked myself this same question, “Why my child?” Why our family? For years, I felt shame and guilt, until I learned that self-blame was unconstructive.
Today’s Promise to consider: The Big Book of AA states that drugs are ‘similar to an allergy.’ Some people have it; some people don’t. After years of trying to answer the question, Why my child?, I realized that the why didn’t matter. My son had it, and I had to educate myself. I became a student in the halls of Al-Anon, with Dr. MacAfee, our beloved addiction therapist, and with my son himself. In time, I learned how to be compassionate, but with boundaries. For me, education was the key.4938
Thank you for this meaningful post.
Thanks, Catherine, for taking the time to write to me. I’m grateful. xo
This was a particularly meaningful post for me. So many times I wondered what have I done wrong in raising my daughter to make her an addict. It took me down a rabbit hole of depression. I ice even picked apart all the difficult times or problems we had, forgetting we had many wonderful memories of camping, traveling and cuddling and much more. Today,I know I’m not responsible and Follow the 3 C’s of Alanon. And I’m so happy that my daughter is doing so well, almost a year clean. Focusing on the now. Thank you Libby! I look forward to your posts in my email every Thursday. XO
Thanks, Shirley, for your lovely and meaningful message. You and I both went down the rabbit hole of blame and regret, but – thank the Lord – we’ve both learned a better way of coping. The best part is that your daughter is almost one year clean. BEST news ever!! It takes courage for our children to find their way ‘home’ to themselves and us. I’ll stay close in prayer. xo
I agree once you educate yourself and learn the boundaries of your children you can’t have a successful story to tell. It’s a hard road but you do learn a lot and figure out a lot of things even about yourself that you don’t realize. I do think God every day for my children being clean but also I feel if they didn’t go down this road they wouldn’t be the wonderful people they are today they need to learn this lesson also
Dear Traci. You’re so right. No one wants to face an addiction, but there is so much learning that happens. We, as moms, have learned, as have our children. I join you in prayer for health for all those who are battling this disease. My love to you.