– Written by Elizabeth Lesser, co-founder of Omega Institute, adult education center, focusing on health, wellness, spirituality, and creativity.
My reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I was rooted in stories and fears. If I didn’t hear from him, I fell prey to contriving horrendous situations that I could imagine happening. When I did hear from him, I constructed other sequences of foreboding times ahead. Bottom line is that I was never present, and never at peace.
Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction plunges us into despair as we construct stories in our heads. We fear the worst: jails, hospitals, and death. Today, I’ll work to get out of my head and out of my stories. I’ll pray for my loved one. I’ll pray for her safety and ultimate recovery.
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A few years ago you wrote "Living In the Present." It's a great read. I also fall prey to negative thoughts. "Bottom line is that I was never present, and never at peace," really sums me up. I know by practicing better self-care I can be present and find more peace but over time, I get worried again. Our daughter has an alcohol problem. She has shown some evidence that she is making improvements but we rarely have direct contact and she often avoids seeing us. My mind creates stories and all of them are negative and highly imaginative. I am addicted to proof and that isn't something I get since she lives with her boyfriend and he only communicates when there's a dire need for our intervention. I fear that pushing away the negative stories in my head is making me vulnerable to hurt and disappointment, as if I have to be ready for the worst. Still, I try to do just that. I remind myself that I need to accept the things I cannot change and to be present. That's what I do on the good days. Now I just need to string together more good days. Thanks for your reminders to seek peace.
My dearest Gail,
How well I understand. I join you in being easily thrown into worry and fear. My imagination can run wild, and it's never good. I also understand that you are not contacted until there is 'dire need.' Nothing easy with addiction.
Something that has helped me in a concrete way are the talks offered freely by Tara Brach, Buddhist practitioner. https://www.tarabrach.com Her talks are expertly done, resonate with me, and help me to get out of my head and my stories. If you go to her site, the banner at the top lists TALKS. There are a variety of topics, and I choose the one that feels right on that day. Maybe she'll help you, too.
My love to you, and my prayers for your daughter.
Libby, your insights always soothe, enlighten and inspire ~thank you
My dear Pam, Thanks for your compassion and support. I'm truly grateful. My love to you. xo
I have lost myself during the years of caring for my 4 children. One that has proven to be more than I can handle. I have ruined myself in the meantime by self medicating by drinking. I joined this because I saw an old friend at Bowen's Grocery yesterday and had a child going through the same thing. My kids attended Calverton as well, I can't make him better as he has mental health needs and is not helping himself. In the mean time I need to take care of myself and just seem to not know how to do it, I feel lost, alone and scared!
My dear Rachel, Yes, yes, yes, you need to take care of yourself. I felt the same way - lost, alone, and scared. Al-Anon meetings saved my sanity. I went to three before I found one where I felt 'home,' but there I stayed for years. I still go to Al-Anon meetings where there are people who understand and do not judge. They reach out a hand in love and support. We've all walked the same walk, and we have all suffered. I went to one in Upper Marlboro, right across the county line, in a church basement, but I can't the name. It was a great meeting with wise people, but I haven't been to that one in years. Try. Just try. My love to you.