My reflection: I recently read a Facebook post from a mom stating how guilty she felt because she was furious with her heroin-addicted son. I understood well her internal conflict – the juxtaposing feelings of outrage and love. When my son was sick, I felt rage from the excruciating pain caused by the addiction, yet I still loved him dearly.
Today’s Promise to consider: Bad, ugly, and hurtful behaviors are addiction’s trademarks, and they cut deeply into our hearts. Today, I’ll acknowledge the wide and conflicting range of feelings addiction generates. It’s OK to feel both anger and love.
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The worst did happen for my family. We lost my son to a Fentanyl overdose on Valentines Day 2019, he was 26 years old. I am grateful for having him in my life. His addiction has pushed me to become a better person, one that can now show love and compassion without judgement. Through the help of parent support groups and Al-anon and you Libby I can state for sure that the last thing i said to him was "I love you" and meant it with all my heart. He said "I love you too Mom."
My dearest Sue, The worst did happen to your family, and I'm deeply, deeply sorry. Until the very end, your son knew you loved him. Your son continues to live through you as you reach out and help others. You inspire me with your words. My love to you, Sue. I'll stay close in love and prayer.
Dear Leslie, Your comment to Sue inspires me to continue this blog. That has always been our goal - to reach out and help others, and Sue helped you. What a blessing! Thank you, thank you for writing. We learn from other's stories, and I learn from everyone who writes. My love to you.
Sue
Thank you so much for this. What you wrote has made me realize that I too am a better person because of my son's addiction. I haven't felt that way on this journey until I read your comments. My son had issues form the age of 3 with behavior, bullying, etc. Then there were drugs and legal issues as he got older. I have been judged by so many that I vowed I would never do the same to another Mom with a "problem child". That I would try to walk in her shoes. I believe I am able to do the same for my son because I have felt the pain of shame and desperation. We love so much as Moms it hurts. Blessings to you, Sue. And thanks for your words of wisdom.
Dear Clare. Addiction made me a better person, too - more compassionate, more humble. God bless you and Sue. This is why this blog has value - so we can reach out and help each other. Thanks for staying close.