In the last chapter of Stay Close, I wrote: Jeremy once asked, “Momma, how will you end the story about Jeff?” I admitted, “I don’t know, Jer. It’s not my story to end.” His answer was clear, “But that’s the point. We don’t know what will happen to Jeff, but no one can ever take away our hope. You have to end the story in hope.” And we will.
Six years ago, Jeff made the decision to live a sober life and our family is deeply grateful. We remain humble, knowing that there is no finish line with the journey that is recovery, but we also know that gratitude and joy are essential parts of being alive. Celebrations are important.
Dear Jeff, We’re grateful you came home to yourself and to us. You had the courage to fight for your life, and your courage continues as you choose again each day. We learn from you. We learn from your strength, resolve, commitment and spirituality. You’ve accomplished much in these six years, and you have many dreams yet to achieve. Happy Anniversary, Jeff!
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Many of us have children who are chronically addicted to drugs. A level of addiction which has clearly become a mental illness. I am witness to this illness as I listen to my child's unique manner of communication and mannerisms which has been slowly formed over twenty years of addiction which has had a dramatic impact on his mind, body and spirit due to the mind altering chemicals. The brain can only take so much and then parts of it die.
The chronically addicted child is no longer recognizable and therefore not understood or accepted by the culture he once resided in. This hinders and likely blocks recovery.
Acceptance of the disease of addiction as a brain disease is vital in supporting our child's recovery attempt(s) as well as grieving the loss of the child of our dreams.
The celebration of Jeff's sixth year of being in remission is a true miracle. I rejoice in his celebration of his new life and all that it means to his family and friends.
I pray for all those who suffer from this disease and I pray that one day our society will understand addiction and the brave battles each child and their parents fight on a dally basis.
Yes that is something to celebrate! 6 years, good for you Jeff!--What a blessing for you and your family! Libby, I am so thankful that you have shared this glorious moment on your site.
Libby ---my heart sings reading this post of gratitude and celebration with your soulfull humility
Love love love to Jeff, admiration for such faith and courage-- Jeff you are the one who has reached this healing place and your story lights up my dark nights with hope that my son might one day celebrate an anniversary like this
Gratitude for those blessed professionals who have supported you in your recovery and ongoing journey -the angels who lead us
And to your whole family who helps and heals us through a willingness to share so honestly feelings and insights --
you may never know how many lives you have touched and made better. This is indeed an anniversary of hope. Hope. Yes, hope.
Much needed this day. Every day. Always.
This post made me think of Leonard Cohen;s lines
Ring the bell that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
A lot of light getting in here--- - shine on. Ring that celebration bell.
Congratulations Jeff!! Six years of sobriety and counting! Your mother is so proud of you and even though I have never met you, I am too. It was you who made the decision to get sober, it was you who has stayed sober, it was you who has accomplished much in your life.
The most powerful thing you can do with the rest of your life is to tell your story. And, I know that you and your Mom have/are doing just that. Both of you are doing God's work. Both of you are angels on a journey.
Jeff, I hope you have 6 more years of sobriety and then 6 more, and 6 more.
You have much more yet to accomplish.
Love,
Barbara
Dear Pat,
I can feel your pain as I read your posting. How I wish I could take the pain away. Addiction strangles the addict's brain. Yes, it alters their minds because of the mind altering chemicals. This can change their personality, but once the chemicals are ceased, our minds have the ability to remember when it wasn't on the chemicals. If the addict works very hard to stay sober, I believe, the mind that wasn't on drugs, can dominate it once again.
My son was addicted for over 20 years. I had to actually tell my son that I had to wash my hands of him. It was my only survival. I knew I had to do that or I would surely perish, along with my marriage. We as parents have to make some really tough decisions. I knew that if I lived for my son, and not for myself, my daughter, and my husband, my life would fall apart. Telling my son that I had to let him go, was the toughest decision I ever had to make. That decision didn't kill my son. Addiction killed him.
It is ultimately the addict's decision to want and find sobriety. Jeff can certainly attest to that!
I'm not sure if society will ever understand addiction and how our children battle it every day. To educate society on the horrors of addiction would be a monumental task, not to mention its monetary pitfall. I wish our schools had more funding for such needed education, but that's another problem.
We as parents, can try to make a difference any way we can, whenever we can, no matter how small it is.
Pat, I really appreciate your contributions to this forum. Your realism is in all your postings, and because of it, I learn from you.
I wish you the best of healing.
Respectfully yours,
Barbara
I appreciate everything that has been said here by all of you.. Congratulations to Jeff and his family. Thank you Pat for your insight.
Thank you Hope for the poem- we all have cracks of various magnitudes.
God Bless Libby and Jeff for the sharing of their journeys which brought us all here as well.
Be well all
Jane
There is very little I can say, as Barbara, Hope, Jane and Pat have so eloquently (albeit) painful, have stated. I feel so connected to you, as we continue to fight for recovery (on all levels).
Congratulations, Jeff on this tremendous feat. What a huge accomplishment. Your story, along with your family's experience with addiction has been so helpful to so many of us. You and your family have given us hope, strength, and courage, at times when we were feeling so fragile and emotionally broken. I admire your strength and courage and will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Today is about YOU, Jeff!
With love,
Nanci
Barbara,
You are a blessing to this forum. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
In fact, everyone who comments here is repected by me.
This forum is very similar to my parent support group; the moment a new parent enters the room they are immediately accepted as part of the fmmily. They are understood and loved.
I remember early last year when one of our parent's son had overdosed and not expected to live. Numerous members of our group went to the hospital, held hands with the mom and prayed with her. Her son lived and has remained clean for over a year.
No one here is a stranger if you have a child who suffers from the disease of addiction.
Blessings to all of you.
Thank you for sharing the celebration of Jeff's six year victory... Congratulations to your family - Your story is inspirational. The trials and tribulations you have been willing to share, have and will continue to lead to much good.
Here is a prayer that "found me" today:
Heavenly Father, walk through my house and take away all worries and illness, and please, watch over and heal my family and friends. Bring quiet where there is chaos, bring light where there is darkness and put love in our hearts. Amen.
(My son is currently in treatment - I am thankful that he is alive and hopeful that he will find peace in recovery; one day at a time.)