My reaction: I, too, remember these words, and they became a guidepost for me. I wrote, “My son…was a chameleon, but I felt strongly that he would never lose the inner flame of his humanity. Maybe this was just a mother’s wishful thinking, but I held to this belief – and never quit believing. With all this said, I wondered if he would do the work necessary to place himself in sobriety and come home to his one, true self.” In the end, he did.
Today’s Promise to consider: When life gets too hard, too tough, and when the next step seems too heavy, I won’t give up. I’ll find my strength, reach out my hand to a brother or sister, trust God and keep believing.
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My son Marino has been a heroin addict for the past 7 years, and it has been a living nightmare. What got me through it is your book "Stay Close", it helped me to understand & how to stay close & not enable. Next month he enters "Comunita Cenacolo" in St Augustine Florida the school of life.
Dear Clara,
Thanks for reaching out here. Comunita Cenacolo is a GREAT place!!!! I'm sorry for your pain and suffering, but happy for you all that Marino has chosen recovery. I pray for serenity. My love to you.
Libby
Llibby! A perfect way to start my day.
Believe.
Last week, I found a rock in my garden with Believe etched into it. I'd placed it there years ago. It was lost among the flowers and weeds. The tangled bits.
I took the rock out and placed it on the porch where my son goes out to have a cigarette.
Not too subtle mamma. Not that i'm still trying to rescue. (Ahem)
Here at what we are jokingly calling the Fort Knox Rehab Centre we call our home I'm trying to be hands off and let go,
Believe while letting him take his recovery in his own hands. (He is 31. It has been 16 years.)
He's "considering" stopping. It's been a month of two relapses and hard going. We asked him to leave. I was never ever in my life prepared to watch withdrawal and cannot not have him die beneath my roof.
This site has been a godsend and all who come here are my healers and teachers and spirit lifters.
I believe in the energy of this community.
I believe in the healing energy of a loving creator who is a mystery.
I do not know where my son will travel. He;s asked for another chance. We said yes.
Yesterday, he went to a meeting. I drove him. Afterwards we went shopping at a funky second hand store. He bought superhero costumes for his son. On the drive back, he talked about a turning point in his life when he gave up on himself. It was an honest sharing. He wasn't blaming. It was hard just to listen -- I wanted to explain, defend ,justify Tell him how we felt during that period of time. How it was for us. I shut up. .
I believe every addict trying to recover is a superhero.
Addicition the disease is THE VILLAiN.
I believe process of recovery for all of us is spriitual warfare and everyone reading this is a fighter.
Not a victim of a disease. Children of God, holding hands in one hell of a situation. The worst of nightmares for many of us.
We get better when we share.
I believe in angels sent who can help my child more than I can. His group leader. His doctor. Like the man up the road who keeps giving him jobs. Keeps him busy. Who knows without being told.
I still believe in Hope eternal.
And sparkly things like sunshine.
And laughter if we can find it -stay open to it--- in the midst of our sorrows and challenges. It's there. A miracle in itself.
I'm going to repeat "believe" to myself in Austin Powers voice when he says"behave." It makes me laugh and liighten the load. Hope that's okay Libby!
Love to you and gratitude.
Less is more, I know. Soon , HOPEFULLY --- I'll get there. For now, ,thank you for this space and forum and chance to vent .
Thank you Libby
It was through your guidance in "Stay Close" that enabled me to get through each day. I bought several copies of your book and have passed them along to some of my friends who are also struggling to understand their child's addiction.
You truly are an inspiration
These weekly posts are such a gift. I, too, will always keep believing because of Jeff's words.
Dear Hope,
Thanks for the message of hope and faith. So many thoughts ran through my head as I read your message.
- Dr. MacAfee says, "Addicts are saints in the making." I'm sure he's right. Anyone who has the strength to fight the demon of addiction has the spiritual fortitude to help others, to be a saint.
- A while ago, I started to conduct some informal qualitative research by asking recovering addicts, "What got you clean? What keeps you clean?" The resounding answer was, "The consequences of my addiction got too heavy. I couldn't continue living that life, and I can't go back to the consequences. It's the consequences that got me clean and keep me clean."
- The Big Book of AA says, "Recovery can only be achieved through rigorous honesty." Your son was honest with you and this is the beginning.
- Dr. MacAfee also says, "A person who is suffering only wants to be heard." He continued by saying that Jeff and Jeremy need me to hear their pain, their words. I don't need to say a word (or as you did, you 'shut up.') I've done a lot of 'shutting up,' and I've learned that the more I listen, the more they talk. I think they talk to hear themselves. In fact, I had a long conversation with Jeff yesterday and listened for a long time. At the end, he said, "Thanks for listening, Mom. I really didn't want advice and I'm glad you didn't give it. I needed to work it out for myself, out loud with you. Really I already know what you think."
My love to you. Thanks for sharing,
L
Dear Clara and Teresa,
Thanks for being here, for trusting us with your feelings and for holding our hands in hope.
Love to you,
L
Actually Libby all the thanks goes out to you for helping each & everyone of us by sharing your life through your book. I don't think you realize just how many hearts you have touched, how many lives you saved...You helped me to understand Marino's addiction, how to live through it without losing myself, how to love him without enabling but most of all your words showed me how to love my son through the darkest moments....So I thank you for lighting the path when there was only darkness <3
Clara thank you for expressing the gratitude for Libby I feel in my heart. You said it so perfectly. Gives me hope I can live through this without losing myself --- right now the pain of loving him but watching where he is and worse-- where he is headed- is unbearable. I continue to pray for him and all children and parents who know the pain of the disease. S
Dear Clara,
You are so right about Libby. She and the forum she created, has changed my life in many ways. Her courage and humility is so real and I appreciate her honesty.
Barbara