Dr. MacAfee wrote me an email message in response to a request for reading. This is part of it: If you’ve not read Gabor Maté, please do. Maté is a poet and clinician with a depth of understanding beyond anything I’ve recently read. His voice is deeply heard and, if a person has an idea of the depth of the problem of addiction, his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is stunning and informative. He returns to the theme of trauma as a basis for addiction, but also redefines what trauma really is.
My personal reflection on the passage above: When Jeff was in active addiction, I felt confused, stuck and shamed. I kept the secret and the silence and isolated myself and my family. It wasn’t until I reached out to others including professionals, Al-Anon, the Big Book and other reading that I found a sense of community and understanding. I realized that I was not as alone as I thought I was.
Addiction is confounding and isolating, but there is help. By reaching out to others and reading professional literature, I learned and continue to learn. I admitted that my life was in total chaos, but I also admitted that I didn’t have to stay there.
Today’s Promise: I am not alone with my loved one’s addiction. I’ll read professional literature, go to meetings and learn about addiction and the effects of addiction on a family. I’ll do what I need to do for myself and my family.
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View Comments (15)
I am a huge fan of Dr. Mate'
He has a keen insight into addiction due to his experience in working with the chronically addicted in his clinic located in the drug ghetto of Vancouver's downtown Eastside.
I have a much greater understanding of the disease model of addiction and a much greater empathy and understanding of the "victims" of this cruel disease.
Here are some of the pictures of the chronically addicted that Dr. Mate' included in his book. These are a few of the individuals whose story he tells. The photographer is Rod Preston, http://rodpreston.ca/Rod_Preston/dtes.html
Dr. Mate' Web site is http://www.drgabormate.com and he will answer your questions provided they are not medical questions.
The book is 445 pages so you will need two high lighters by the time you finish is book.
I ask for your prayers for my son as I will pray for yours.
Dear Pat, Thanks for your support and your references. We'll bombard heaven with prayers for your son and your family. With respect, L
Dear Pat and Libby
I will add this material to my list and start reading soon.I also found peace and healing when I reached out and found a wonderful support system in Al Anon. I fear I would be a lost soul without my group which has become my extended family. They understand like no other. This is a cruel disease that steals so much from us yet there is also so much I have gained as a result. I have grown in ways I would never have grown if not for my son's addiction.Of course, I would choose that he never had to go through any of this had I had the choice. Libby, I share your book with all the mothers in my group. They have all found it gives them strength. Thank you. Today is a new beginning for my family again as my son leaves his fourth stay at an inpatient rehab. He will be going to a sober home to attempt to put this disease into remission once again. Please keep him in your prayers as I pray for everyone battling this disease.
Dear Jane, I agree about Al-Anon. I, too, was lost and my group helped me find stability, hope and greater understanding. Addiction is a cruel and confounding disease. Jeff wrote in the book, "Addiction has changed my life, made me a different person, and in many respects my life is richer because I was forced to confront myself, or die. My past is my past and I can’t turn this path around or change the footsteps that follow me." Addiction takes from us, but we learn and grow as a result.
God bless your son. Dr. MacAfee always says that relapse in one step closer to sobriety. Your son is in my prayers. So are you. With love,
Libby
I ordered Dr. Mate's book. I can't wait to read it. I will continue to try and understand this horrible disease. My son died of an overdose of heroin. He was only 41 years old. He fought addiction all his life. I thank God, every day, that he no longer has to feel the terror of active addiction.
I will pray for all of you...
With love and respect,
Barbara
My dear Barbara,
Please know that you are tucked in my heart. There are no sufficient words to express my deep sorrow for your pain. We'll keep each other in prayer, always.
WIth love,
Libby
Dear Barbara
I am so very sorry for your loss. There is a certain peace I suppose in knowing that your son is out of his pain however I cannot begin to imagine your loss. Last summer my son overdosed and was lucky to have been found still breathing but critical. He was on a ventilator for 10 days. I would sit in the chapel of the hospital and pray for God to save my son but only if his life would have purpose beyond active addiction.He has since been to treatment twice more. Barbara I will keep you in my prayers.
Jane
Dear Jane, thank you for your kind words of support. The loss of my son is and was the worst thing a mother could ever go through. I didn't get one minute of sleep for 8 solid days,followed by a nervous breakdown. I can only find solace in knowing that he doesn't have to fight the addiction anymore. With help from God, and people like you, Libby, and family, I will savour the rest of my life. It's just too short, not to. You and your son will be in my daily prayers.
With love and respect,
Barbara
Dear Libby,
Thank you so much for your sincere and heartfelt support. It means so much to me.
Love,
Barbara
Dear Barbara,
And you mean the world to me. My heart is with you.
Love to you, always,
L