From left to right: Son Jeff, Aunt Darlene, Uncle/Brother JF, Grandmom/Mom Laura, Nephew Bob, Niece Rebecca, Son Jeremy
My brother wrote this and it touched me. Following is an excerpt: “Hi, Dad. I have another question for you, but you should be honored because you’re the first person I think of to ask any tricky question….”
My daughter. Another in a long line of e-mail questions from my accomplished, 27-year-old daughter, Rebecca, who, despite her youth, has traveled the world. She now works for an organization that occasionally sends her to central Pakistan to work with Muslim female schools (madrasas) to try to show them how many Islamic views are similar to Christian ones, to effect a dialogue. I told her, “Beck, I know you get excited about this, but it’s pretty tough on the Old Man until you get back.” She said, “Dad, don’t you understand? It’s the confidence that you’ve always showed in me that gives me the courage to do all this stuff.”
Confidence…courage…to go into hostile areas…I gave her that? I raised her with two principles: that I loved her completely, and that would never, and could never, change. (Which doesn’t mean that I didn’t discipline her a ton of times growing up. I did. All kids need that. Doesn’t affect the love.) The other principle was that she had to be a good person. She had to do the right thing.
As for me, I don’t much care when I die, (but) I want to have time to say goodbye to my loved ones. I want enough time for Beck to get to me from whatever far-flung outpost she happens to be. I want to tell her I love her one more time. Maybe she’ll ask me a question. After all, I’m her Dad.
(To read the original: http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/opinion/perspectives/first-person-fathers-and-daughters-329029/)
Today’s Promise to consider: Parents and our children: Fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. I love my sons, and that can never and will never change. I know they are good persons and I pray they always do the right thing. After all, I’m their mom.
View Comments (30)
As parents, we pray that our children always do the right thing. But, when they don't, we must let them know how we (as parents) are affected by the wrong doing. If we don't do that, no matter what the consequence, our children cannot learn from us. And, cannot learn from their mistakes. We must teach them courage, strength, humility and hope.
I know my son was a really good person. He showed it in so many ways. There wasn't a stray animal in his neighborhood that he didn't feed, even if he didn't have enough to feed himself.
Addiction sucked the life out of my son. It was stronger than he was.
I am blessed with a 40 year old (beautiful) daughter. And, I know in my heart, she loves me very much. I will forever be grateful for her in my life. I am thankful she calls on me for advice. It's a lifelong learning process for her, and I'm so glad to be a part of it.
With love and prayers for our children in distress,
Barbara
Dear Libby,
Thank you for sharing your family pictures with us. I love it!
Love you,
Barbara
Dear Barbara,
You are wise. Yes, it's a lifelong learning process for our children and for us. Sometimes I wish my lessons would end (seems like I'm destined to learn lessons the hard way :)), but I know life is about learning to be better, always.
One of Jeff's sponsors told him, "You made a mistake. OK, do the next right thing." This made a lot of sense to me - for Jeff and for me, too. We all make mistakes, but we can try to do the 'next right thing.'
My love to you and your daughter,
L
Dear Barbara
I can only imagine your son as a beautiful and good person with a horrible disease. He can only be good coming from you. Your goodness shines through this blog. Yes you are right in saying the addiction was stronger than him it is powerful..most are not strong enough. That's why the statistics on recovery are slim. I am happy for you that your daughter is there for you. Be well.
Love
Jane
ahh Jane, u nailed it with your thoughts of Barbara, her kind goodness DOES shine thru her words! I can't begin 2imagine the pain she is in, yet she shares regularly & I look forward to her words as I do others that share often though I never catch myself skimming thru her words. Her thoughts & experiences have helped me to "deal".
I once read *what you do next......Thank you Libby for reminding me "what you do next matters"!
Dear Barbara,
I agree with Jane and Rickie that your goodness, light and love shine through in your messages. You remind us to cherish what is important in life and you share your strength and determination to go forward each and every day.
Yes, addiction sucks the life out of our children and it is stronger than anyone is strong. The majority of recovery communities in Italy are three to five years, and the recovery rate is 83%. In the US, the majority of recovery centers are 30 days and the recovery rate is 30%. Recovery takes time. It's a victory that people try again and again to stay sober.
Prayers for all of those who are fighting with this disease...and for those who love them.
Love to you all.
Thank you Libby for sharing the statistics. It makes sense to do it the way it is done in Italy. The outcomes show it's worth.
J
Dear Jane, You're right. Settling into sobriety takes time: Time away from the drugs, time to find your soul again, time to develop new ways of being. My son refused to come to Italy, "Three to five years," he yelled. "Are you crazy?" But the stats support long-term recovery. It just makes sense.
Prayers for all of our children,
L
Dear Libby, Jane and Rickie,
I am so humbled by your kind words. I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. I have learned so much from all of you. You have helped me through some of my toughest days and keep me focused on the future.
Thank you all for being here for me.
With love and deep respect,
Barbara
Dear Libby,
I had no idea the long term recovery rate in Italy is far greater than the U.S. But, it makes sense (30 days versus 3 years). Thank God Jeff is part of the 30%.
Love you,
Barbara