SOMETIMES THE ONLY WAY FORWARD IS TO GO BACK

by libbycataldi under Uncategorized

“Shadows of the past on stone, echoing places
in the souls of people who once were.”

Why did I take a singular journey to Italy to find my roots?: When I was forty-seven years old and had two teenage sons, fear took over my life: Divorce, my older son’s heroin addiction, my dad’s death, and breast cancer were crushing me. I was ground down and didn’t know what to do to save my family, help my son, or heal myself.

Confused and not knowing where to turn, I thought about Nonna Carmela. I remembered well her fierce independence and unshakable strength. I hoped that I had her spirit in me—the unflinching courage to fight back, endure, and protect. She held the key to my survival.

My reflection: When life became too heavy to carry, I felt an overwhelming pull to return to the land where Nonna was born—to feel the dirt, breathe the air, and discover the roots of her strength firsthand. I needed to understand the things that had been most dear to her, and to make them my own.

Something to think about: Sometimes the only way forward is by going back—by seeking out the people, places, and values that shaped us. When life feels overwhelming, where—or to whom—do you turn to find clarity and strength? I’d love to hear from you.

If you would like to preorder a copy, there are several options: Asterism, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

TI VOGLIO BENE: What does it mean?

From Grandmother to Granddaughter: Ti voglio bene

I wrote this in IT TAKES A LIFETIME: Nonna’s wedding ring, the band she never took off, was cradled in the hollow of her wrinkled palm. It had been on her finger for over sixty years.

“T’is is for you. My husband is a poor man in Rotondella when he give it to me. It is not very dear, but it is real gold. I want t’at you remember me.”

She threaded it onto the ring finger of my right hand. The ring fit perfectly. I turned the gold circle round and round until it blurred as tears filled my eyes.

“No. No cry, and no be sad. Non essere triste, Nonnared. Ti voglio bene.”

Ti voglio bene; I knew these words. Nonna had taught me that ti amo was only for husbands and wives. From parent to child it is ti voglio beneI want the world for you. I want all good things for you. For you, I want only the best. 

 
My refection: With this transfer of her ring—a symbol of her never-ending love—I understood the true significance of ti voglio bene. Still today, I wear her ring with reverence and tenderness. She is with me as my protector and guide.

Something to think about: Objects can take on great significance after someone we love passes. I remember when a young child at our school lost his dad. He wore his dad’s belt with pride. Do you have such a remembrance? Something that brings someone close? 

If you would like to preorder a copy, there are several options: Asterism, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

THE POWER OF A PERSON’S VOICE

Mom and me

After Mom died, I missed her—all of her—but most of all, I missed her voice. There were times I’d reach for the phone to ask for her prayers, only to remember that she wouldn’t be on the other end.

When Nonna died, I knew I would never again hear that English-and-Rotondellese/Italian mix again, a kind of dialect all her own.

And when my dad died, maybe that was the hardest of all. He was the one I called when I needed answers. I remember well, during a particularly difficult time in my life, I dialed his number. He picked up with a strong, “Hello, my one and only daughter.” Just hearing his voice, I wept.

My reflection: Mom’s voice held prayer. Nonna’s voice held safety. Dad’s voice held security. Even now, a sound, a laugh, a song can take me back to them.

Something to think about: Research shows that smell is the strongest trigger for memory, but sound follows close behind, especially voices and music. It’s said that voices carry identity, intimacy, and emotion. When our children remember our voices, what emotions do we hope they’ll feel?

If you would like to preorder a copy, there are several options: Asterism, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

THE POWER OF FOOD: MEMORY, CONNECTION, CULTURE

by libbycataldi under Uncategorized

I wrote this in IT TAKES A LIFETIME: The very act of cooking—stirring a pot of sauce, grating cheese over pasta—was balm to my soul. The rich scent of garlic-and-tomato sauce brought me back to Nonna’s kitchen and with it a feeling of safety and belonging.

Sunday dinners returned to the meals of my youth—spaghetti and meatballs, braciola, rosemary chicken with roasted potatoes, linguine with ricottaJust as Nonna taught me, tomato sauce was my specialty: pork browned in olive oil, garlic, Contadina tomato paste stirred in slow, wide circles with her old wooden spoon.

I rolled the meatballs by hand and dropped into the sauce wherever the bubbles broke through. Big platters of spaghetti were decorated with sauce and cheese, always starting at the outside edges – just as Nonna had shown me.

My refection: Preparing foods the Nonna way brought me peace. The scent of tomato sauce lingered for days, and leftover pasta and meatballs warmed our bellies like nothing else could. But food, traditions, work, and school couldn’t hold back the tsunami that was engulfing our family.

Something to think about: We often try to hold our families together with the only tools we know—recipes, rituals, acts of love. Food is history: it carries the people, places, and moments that shaped us. I’d love to hear what foods hold meaning for you?

If you would like to preorder a copy, there are several options: Asterism, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

GRANDMOTHERS: NONNA CARMELA

Nonna Carmela and Libby at her First Holy Communion

I wrote this in IT TAKES A LIFETIME: My grandmother Carmela was my North Star, my safe port in many childhood storms. Strong. Independent. She swept the snow from her sidewalk wearing only a sweater, made her own wine, canned her own tomatoes, strung her own peppers to dry in the basement, and found edible dandelions for salads in the yard.

She was the matriarch of la famiglia, whose grown sons stopped by every night after work to eat at her table before going to their own homes to eat again.

She couldn’t read or write—not in Italian, not in English—but she was the smartest person I knew. She taught me how to eat pasta, how to cook, how to pray, and how to protect those I love.

My reflection: Grandmothers often hold a special place in our hearts. Now that I’m a grandmother myself, with more time and fewer obligations, I think that there are times when I’m a better grandmother than I was mother.

Something to think about: Who was your North Star? Was it your grandmother or someone else who helped shape who you are? Who gives you strength? Feel free to share in the comments or reply. I read every response.

FINDING OUR ROOTS

by libbycataldi under Uncategorized

“IT TAKES A LIFETIME TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE: An Italian American Story of Coming Home” will be published on November 4, 2025.

What is this book about?: It’s an intimate, multigenerational mother-daughter memoir rooted in secrets, silence, and sacrifice—passed down from one generation to the next.

In 1915, my grandmother Carmela left the remote village of Rotondella in southern Italy. Her daughter—my mother, Laura—was born in Pittsburgh and grew up determined to leave the past behind so she could become fully American.

Decades later, as my own life unraveled under the weight of a divorce, my son’s heroin addiction, breast cancer, a bilateral mastectomy, and my father’s death, I set off alone to Italy, searching for truth and belonging.

I found Rotondella and family, but I also uncovered the past traumas and beliefs of the malocchio, omertà, rigid Catholicism, abject poverty, arranged marriages, patriarchal control, Mafia, and suspicion of sexual abuse. Only then did I begin to understand how these forces shaped not only Nonna’s life, but also my mother’s—and my own.

By honoring the courage of the women who came before me and confronting the generational trauma they carried, I was finally able to open my heart to the grace of forgiveness.

Something to consider: Could it be that by understanding the trauma passed down by the women before us, we can begin to heal—and finally break the bonds of the past, for our own sake and for the sake of our children?

What you can expect from these meditations: Together, we’ll explore the power of finding our roots and the complex, often complicated relationships between mothers and daughters. Please join me.

If you would like to preorder a copy, there are several options: Asterism, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

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