My reaction: My friend’s words resonate with me, and I’ve lived the same experience. Dr. MacAfee says that addiction needs a lie to live: Addicts need to maintain the lie in order to maintain their addiction. The Big Book of AA says that living a sober life, “demands rigorous honesty.”
Today’s Promise to consider: Honesty is essential in all relationships. Without it, we tread in the perilous waters of fiction and denial. I don’t have to expose every fact of my life and my family’s problems, but I refuse to live a lie.
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This is so true. I made it thru all of my children's addition because I told the truth! Sometimes that was the hardest thing to do! If someone asked I told them and sometimes it was not pretty but I see so many people hide behind all the lies....NOT MY CHILD! And most of them lost their child. And want to put the blame on my children...I so love the truth and honesty in my life...
Also I just want to say THANK YOU LIBBY! I love this blog.
I agree with you, Traci. I also love the truth and honesty in my life.
Dear Libby, I also refuse to live a lie. For, if one lives a lie, they will perish in the evils of denial. Addiction robbed my son of the feeling of truth and honesty in his life. He would have been elated to feel that warm, wonderful feeling in his heart.
I pray for all the addicts, every day.
I think the honesty is ESSENTIAL.
With this post, I also think "I don't have to expose every fact of my life and my family's problems" is REALLY helpful too.
I tell those I feel the need to tell or those I feel I can trust or those I think my experience with having a son with addiction will help.
It is not just my story to tell and I do not have my son's permission to tell. But I will not live a lie either.
This can be humorous at times. Someone recently -who I think is more anxious for gossip than genuinely caring about me--( and you know the difference usually) asked :
How's your son doing?
( She's knows he's had mental health issues and substance abuse issues over the years because I have been honest ---at a general level. )
Oh, I said he's not in a very good place right now.
She said, I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps she was.
I feel that was honest.
I didn't say actually the not very good place just happens to be prison for 20 months. And he's was in active addiction when he went in and I'm on anti-depressants and am dealing with panic attacks when I think of him in his cell because he has bad claustrophobia. And how are your kids?
I hope you are all laughing ..a little!
I think sharing with others has to be done with discretion.
The big thing is to be honest with ourselves!
Yes, there is the reality of "shame" as well as fear and guilt we all have to deal with and look at.
But when we step back from ourselves and what we may or may have wnted for our childrne ( Safety happiness non addict lives) and understand again the "'disease
" of addiction , well, that really goes away.
Shame and guilt ,depression let the demon of addiction win.
How to keep those things at bay?
As Jeff, say, we can always pray.
My therapist had me start to write a letter to myself with an attitude of the same unconditional love I give to others -- -- it has been one of the most liberating things I have ever done. Can we love ourselves as we love others ? Forgive ourselves as we forgive others?
Just another strategy --but if you have never tried to do it --try. Something HUGE is released. Guilt and shame and sorrow get smaller.
We are all on such a journey of learning what DEEP LOVING means.
Honesty in our reality frees us to love everyone.
Thanks for listening to me babble. xo Joy
Love to you.
Dear Joy,
I loved your "babbling" (lol) I appreciate the honesty you had as you wrote it. It is what every parent goes through and feels when their child is an addict. I went through all those conversations too, avoiding telling everyone that my son was in prison for 2 years. I hated it. So when I read your post, I was in your position years ago, so I reflected, I cried, and I laughed. I want to take you in my arms and hug you a million times.
Thank you for being here with us and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so honest and sincere.
My love to you.
My love to Libby for allowing me to meet you and talk with you.
Barbara
I love to you, too Barbara. Libby has brought so many loving souls together.
Hello my friends on this Thursday evening of Staying Close!
Joy I loved your babbling too. And you made me think of all of those holiday letters you get with the list of all the wonderful things that are happening in a family. I used to cringe as I opened them, and sometimes I didn't open them when I knew there would be a long letter of a years worth of accomplishments which would only make me feel bad.
Yes, some people you can truly be honest with and you know they will understand or sympathize and others are just interested in a gossip update.
Honestly for ourselves, at al anon meetings where it is safe to share, here on this blog and also with those we choose to share with.
God bless
And I keep you all in my prayers
jane
My Dear Friends, I just received a call that my grandson (my son's son) has died of a heroin overdose. He was only 20 years old and has left a wife and baby of nearly 1 year old.
As I grieve this loss, I ask that please pray for his family. They need the prayers. He will be buried next to my son (his father).
Addiction has won this round. Let's pray that the next fight, whomever it shall be, will win.
Thank you for your prayers.
Dearest Barbara, I want to shout NO! from the tallest rooftop. No! This can't have happened. I'm so sorry, deeply sorry, profoundly sorry. It's not fair. Damn addiction. Your pain is unfathomable. There are no words.
You and your family are in our prayers. We will bombard the heavens. And we must continue to fight!
With total love and support,
Libby
Barbara I am so sorry for you. Words are inadequate to convey my condolences. There are no words . I am sending my prayers and truly will keep you and his family in my thoughts.
With love
Jane