My reflection: Nobody welcomes addiction into her home, but it happens. I didn’t volunteer for a 14-year journey of addiction, but the heartbreak deepened as I loved my son while he descended into the world of drugs.
Today’s Promise to consider: There are no volunteers in addiction. There are no volunteers to the heartbreak and suffering that addiction heaps on us. We simply love our addicted child or spouse or parent. When we love another person, we open ourselves to pain, as well as to joy.
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Many times throughout my son's addiction I have thought to myself that I would volunteer for any other disease before I would volunteer for this heartbreak. It is a lifelong disease, and as I hear from my son that he has relapsed in prison, and the serious consequences he is now suffering as a result, I feel the heartbreak once again. He asked me in his letter not to be mad at him. I am not mad, I am just sad that he has been given this weight to bear in his life and that he can't seem to get out from under it. In his letter he also asks me for money to pay his prison fines. He claims that it is a "matter of life and death'. I feel like I finally have to say no, I can't help you anymore. I love you, but I can't help.
Laura,
I am so sorry for the pain and suffering that addiction has caused you. I too, have a son that is addicted to heroin and it has sucked the life right out of me.
One day at a time, we can find peace amongst the storm.
Dearest Laura,
When I read your message, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I'm sorry for you, for your son and for all you're going through. One step at a time, and you'll know what to do. I remember when Jeff was sick, I always felt compelled to respond to his requests immediately because often, he said, they were 'urgent, a matter of life and death.' It took me years to learn how to breathe and how to take time to consider before acting.
I join you in prayer for wisdom. My love to you.
Thanks again Libby for a wonderful post and a priceless response to Laura. So true - all of your words.
It took me 12 yrs. of total chaos before I "began" my own road to recovery from codependency. It was three additional years before I felt my own peace and serenity return. When my son would call from jail describing a "life or death" scenario I knew I was conversing with the enemy and not my son. I knew what the enemy wanted and I knew how to respond in an appropreiate manner that served my recovery and also in a way that moved my son's recovery date in closer.
I focused on three main areas in my life and that was, (1) drawing closer to God and learning to trust Him, (2) grieving the loss of the child of my dreams and (3) educating myself fully on the disease of addiction. Of course, I don't believe I would have ever made it without working the 12 steps with a sponsor and consultation with a alcohol/drug counselor.
Everyone is on their own path and will find recovery in their own way. No blame or shame.
Continued prayers for all of us.
Thank you Libby and Pat for your kind and helpful responses. They remind me that I need to keep working on my own recovery, which I have neglected lately.
Dear Pat, You are a blessing to us. You've lived through great trauma and have found your peace and serenity. I admire you.
Dear Laura, We're here, staying close.
Love to all,
L
I cannot believe I just came across this blog where you actually interact with your readers. I want and need you to know, your book, saved my life during my struggle with my boys' addiction. THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
Dear Dina,
Thank you for finding me here and for your good thoughts about the book. Jeff and I wrote it to help one mother or one brother, and your note is a blessing to us. Addiction wants to suffocate us and there are many people who contribute to this blog who have great wisdom and hope. Keep coming back <3 Love to you.