My son’s sponsor wrote, Action takes courage. We often feel like fish out of water, separate and different from the world around us, but fish out of water can learn to swim in a new air of consciousness, and with a new purpose in life. Perhaps our clinging to our addictions keeps us feeling separate – not only dependence on drugs, sex, or alcohol, but also addictions like fear of failure, the need for approval, or fear of desertion. Discover your own power and meaning by having the courage to give up your addictions. Then live your power with courage.
My reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I needed to find my courage to disentangle myself. When the phone rang in the middle of the night, I was distraught. When my son was arrested, I ran to his aid. When he called and needed money for another rehab, I paid – only for him to walk out in short order. Life was a vicious merry-go-round that I couldn’t get off and it was destroying me, until I learned to Stay Close and out of the chaos.
Today’s Promise to consider: Recovering from addiction takes courage and action, but so does recovering from loving someone who is in addiction’s grasp. The situation affects the entire family, and we all suffer. Today, I will find my courage and set my boundaries. I will pray for wisdom, and then I will act with purpose and stand strong. As my son’s sponsor wrote – I will live my power with courage.
So your son allowed you to “stay close” even if you didn’t do as he wanted or you spoke the truth? Our relationship isn’t free. There is always a cost we pay if we say no to a request or speak the truth or set a boundary. Silence, distance and “I am done with you” after name calling and ugliness is the usual punishment we receive. I am told to “live well” or “ stay close” but not sure how that is done.
Dearest BY, I understand and you’re right that it’s hard to know how to stay close and keep boundaries strong. The best answer might be found in the video that my son and I made. His words are powerful and will answer to your question. If you want to watch it, please go to this link, http://libbycataldi.com/books/ half-way down the page, to the first video. I hope this helps. My love to you.