A young girl, who relapsed with a crystal meth addiction, wrote to me: I am addicted again. It’s been two years since l relapsed. I am convinced everyone hates me. I constantly hear voices that tell me that they will kill me, I’m ugly, I’m disgusting or that l smell. Some days l have eight showers, and other days it takes all day to have one. Most days, I don’t trust the water out of the tap. I can’t talk with my mom – I’m afraid the stress will kill her. My lifelong friends and family have nothing to do with me. I abuse my mom day and night, and I hate myself for this.
My reflection: Even in the midst of writing this rambling and tragic message, this young girl is concerned about her mother, loves her, and doesn’t want to hurt her. She’s aware of the pain she’s causing and is remorseful, despite her ability to stop using.
Today’s Promise to consider: People suffering from the disease of addiction often act in uncaring, selfish, and manipulative ways. Under the haze of addiction, their behavior often belies their true nature, and their empathy and humanity seem nonexistent. But as long as they are alive, we must hold on to the fact that their core self exists underneath the disease. Today, I’ll continue to hope. I’ll continue to stand by my suffering loved one. I’ll stay close, but out of the chaos of her addiction.
For ten years I tried rescuing my son from his addiction but nothing I did made any difference. Sometimes my anger and frustration drove him deeper into his disease. I was desperate to save my son but something had to change and that something was me! I wanted to be a positive force in helping my son find recovery but how do I do that? First, I had to listen to God and trust Him fully. Second, I had to empty all my knowledge of addiction and replace it with the knowledge of my alcohol/drug counselor and my 12 step sponsor in Families Anonymous. And lastly I had to educate myself fully on the disease of addiction and accept it as a disease, a mental illness. Now I was properly equipped with all the tools I needed to appropriately help my son find recovery sooner than later. My conversations with my son were many times difficult but I made sure he knew that his family loved him, that he was forgiven and welcomed back in the family when he was ready for long term recovery. I would later learn it was the hope we instilled in him that eventually helped fuel his recovery. Prayers for everyone who is suffering with this illness.
Dear Pat, There is so much more information and help now than there was when our sons were in the midst of their addiction. The research is clearer, and quantity of good literature is abundant. You and I lived through the ‘dark ages’ of addiction when there was a dearth of qualified help. Even though this is true, the pain and trauma haven’t changed. Your points above are as valid and helpful today as they were years ago. Help is out there. We have to reach out our hands. My thanks.
Thank you ❤️
xoxo Thanks, Laurie.