My reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I never quit loving him, but I certainly was disappointed and anxious. I was also cloaked in deep fear and worry. I’m sure my son felt my emotions and, probably, registered them as rejection.
Today’s Promise to consider: We want our children to be safe, healthy, and happy, but addiction overwhelms with fear, disappointment, and frustration. The father who wrote learned how to transform his negative feelings into gestures of love, forgiveness, and patience. Isn’t that what all our children deserve, especially those who are suffering from the disease of addiction? As hard as it can be, today and tomorrow, and tomorrow again, let us choose love.
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The father who wrote didn’t say over what period of time he learned all those things...maybe he is a psychotherapist or has been practicing Buddhism for many years, But I think his experience, while admirable, is quite unique. Your response, Libby, was much more like my own and like other parents I know whose children struggle with addiction. His experience serves as a helpful goal, but it’s just not that easy. ❤️
Dear Leigh, The father who wrote this entry suffered for twenty years with his son's addiction. He worked hard with counselors, therapists, and family groups. Yes, his final learning is our goal, and it takes years of suffering to get there. Wouldn't it be great if we could learn from each other and curtail our own pain? I had to learn the hard way. It took me 14 years of my son's addiction to learn how to 'stay close, but out of the chaos.' Forgiveness took me even longer.
God bless this dad for reaching out a hand to help those of us, who are still struggling. You're right - it's not easy. Let's stay close in love and prayer. xo
First I want to thank you Libby for your book and this weekly blog. It is always good to know you are not alone in this tragic struggle. My husband and I have struggled for 10 years with our addicted son who also has a serious although now well medicated mental disorder. As there is clearly no sure path forward in this so complicated disease we would often be reduced to asking ourselves” how do we love our obviously suffering child? Kicking him to the curb seemed very contrary to loving someone but sometimes it Is a gift- but so hard to do especially for a parent. The constant idea that not enabling will lead to tragedy
Is something that I believe we all fear ;and is always the elephant in the room.
Agreed love should always be the answer but how that looks in the face of addiction very complicated.
Dear Anne, God bless you, your husband, and your son. Addiction suffocates us, and you've had to work through both addiction and other issues. I'm so sorry. You're right that there is 'no sure path forward in this so complicated disease.' We all fear that our child will die, and our instincts take over to save, protect, and heal our children. Love must be the answer, but that can look very different within each family structure. We can only do our best and pray that our children will, one day, come home to themselves and us. I'll stay close in love and prayer.
Cara LIBBY, grazie Per i tuoi post
Sono veri e vissuti con il dolore. La dipendenza ti fa avere paura di tutto, è un uragano di dolore. La paura di rivedere tuo figlio fatto, non stare bene è demolente. Ma la dipendenza può essere anche una rinascita, lenta, dolorosa, unica se ci accorgiamo che siamo noi ad alimentare le nostre paure. Se smettiamo di guardare la paura come una nemica ma la affrontiamo e l accogliamo la paura si trasforma in rassegnata quiete ed attesa
Claudio
Caro Claudio, Grazie per il tuo messaggio. Le tue parole sono vere e piena di saggezza – la dipendenza e come un uragano di dolore, ma dentro il caos c’è una possibilità di rinascita – lenta, dolorosa. Come la filosofia buddista, non dobbiamo avere paura della paura, dobbiamo accettarla and andare avanti. xo