From a recovering alcoholic: Stagli vicino, stay close, is I think very Italian or perhaps even Mediterranean, certainly not British. Whether a person stays close or not is really the choice of the person who wants to help the suffering addict. I know that there is nothing I can do to stop another person drinking or using unless he wants to quit. It is really as simple as that.
My reflection: It really is as simple as that. We cannot make our child quit using. Change must come from the person. When I had breast cancer, I had to choose to fight. The doctors offered their advice for the best course of treatment, but it was my decision to stay positive and committed to my wellbeing. Our children must choose recovery, and they must choose every day, just as we must choose to give them the space to reach that decision.
Today’s Promise to consider: With every cell of my body, I want to force my child to stop using drugs and alcohol. I want to demand it, command it and make sure it happens. But I can’t. I can only make choices for myself. I will stay close and pray he chooses sobriety, today and everyday, one day at a time.
So very true but so very difficult to accept. My life was restored when I focused on my “awareness” of the disease. You see, awareness leads to acceptance and acceptance frees you to live the life “you” were meant to live. Acceptance is simply education! Educating yourself “fully” on the disease allows you to separate the disease form the your child. They become two separate entities and this allows you to “Stay Close” yet not be enmeshed into the chaos of addiction where our enabling and codependent reactions push our loved ones recovery further and further out. I know when I am speaking to Addiction and I know how to interact with the disease in a manner that supports recovery and I also know when I am speaking to my addicted child – I know how to implant the love, forgiveness and hope the family has for him. it is that hope that lingers patiently within our children and when that mystical spritual moment of change happens it is the implanted hope that explodes and ignites long term recovery.
Pat, Your words are powerful, and your last sentence struck home with me: “It is that hope that lingers patiently within our children and when that mystical spritual moment of change happens it is the implanted hope that explodes and ignites long term recovery.” Thanks for sharing your hard-earned wisdom all these years. I’ve learned from you, my friend.
Libby