Faith Archives - Page 11 of 11

Jul 18, 2013

POWERLESSNESS AND SURRENDERING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Stay Close

Photo credit: Charles Roussel

A father wrote: We have been fighting this battle with addiction with two sons and for five years. We are in a place of never knowing the right thing to do. We find it impossible to practice “tough love” the way the “experts” say it is done. Just last week I asked my wife if there are situations worse than death – what a terrible question to ask about your child.

My thoughts: We don’t know what to do in the face of addiction. We try our best, but sometimes nothing works. We force our children in rehab, throw them out of the house, wring our hands and make promises to God. We try to follow the advice of experts. In the end, we realize that this is not our fight to win. It is the fight of our addict.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will surrender my will because I know this battle is one my child must fight. I will stay close and continue to love him, but he must make the decision to stop the drugs. I know I can’t do this for him. I will pray and hope.

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Jun 20, 2013

A MOTHER’S REQUEST

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, family

A mom wrote to me, It is with a very sad heart that I write to you today. Although we had some wonderful times with my son upon his return from the service, I came home from work on Wednesday and found him dead in his room. I am devastated that it ended this way. He was such a loving son and cared deeply for his family and friends. A friend wrote to me and said what a good mother I was and that I did all I could, etc. I know I tried to do my best, but there was something troubling him that I could not help him with. Heroin was what he sought for comfort.

To this mom: I’m deeply and profoundly sorry for your loss. Your pain and suffering are beyond my comprehension. This is the worst nightmare, the greatest fear for those of us who love an addict. My sons and I will continue to fight addiction. We will continue to take it out of the shadows and put it into the light where we can see it and work to defeat it. You are not alone.

Today’s Promise to consider and her request: She asked me to,“Please remind your readers to never give up hope. Even though our journey ended tragically, I didn’t give up hope. This is giving me strength right now.”

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Jun 13, 2013

LIVING COMPASSIONATELY, ETHICALLY AND GENEROUSLY

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Gratitude, Hope, Jeff

Jeff recently told me: I read a book about Zen Buddhism where the author poses a kind of recipe for living. He says, “Live ethically, compassionately and with generosity.” He further explained, “Don’t do anything that you know is wrong, be kind to the people around you and be generous with what you have.” This simple formula really struck me, as I tend to overcomplicate good advice. I think most of us have the natural ability to discern if we are being ethical, compassionate and generous. Today I make a concerted effort to live my life according to these three principles.

My reflection: There is no perfect method for living life. When Jeff was sick, I felt bombarded with other people’s judgments and advice. Inside all the clutter that was my life, it was up to me to choose how to live and what decisions to make. These three words above provide a framework.

Today’s Promise to consider: Every day I have choices to make as to how I conduct myself. Today, I choose to live ethically, compassionately and generously. I will look at my daily behavior through these three lenses.

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Apr 3, 2013

DECIDING FOR ONESELF

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Recovery, Relapse

A mother wrote: I bailed my son out and fixed it all. When I finally went to Families Anonymous and Nar-Anon, I realized I didn’t cause the addiction and I can’t change it – only he can do that. I realized that by enabling, I was doing him more harm than good.

He was arrested again and remained in jail for three weeks. No one to bail him out, he worked on his own with a public defender to get accepted into drug court in lieu of jail. He now goes to meetings, is drug tested and meets with the judge. I learned to let go with love.

My reaction: I have spoken with many young addicts across the country and they have told me, My addiction is not my parents’ fault. Drugs are more powerful than you can imagine. When I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I made the choice to change my life. When the consequences of my addiction got to be more than I could live with, I made the decision for myself.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close to my child, but I will no longer be dragged under by addiction. I will give my loved one the dignity to make his own choices. I won’t abandon him, but I’ll wait for him to make the decision of health, not for me, but for himself.

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Mar 7, 2013

CONTROL: BEGINS WITH MY THINKING

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Recovery

A mom wrote to me: As a Buddhist practitioner, I remind myself again and again that the only thing I have control over is my own mind, and in turn my actions. The sooner one can accept this fundamental truth the sooner one can begin to experience inner peace because we aren’t constantly worrying about trying to control others’ actions, moods, choices. What we can do is generate love and compassion for those who are suffering and pray for them.

My reaction: When I was a child, my dad used to tell me, “You gotta make something happen, Dearie.” I grew up believing that if something went wrong in my life, it was my fault because I didn’t make something happen and, therefore, wasn’t in control of the outcome. Today, I think I misunderstood my dad’s words. He wasn’t telling me that I had to control all the events in my world, but rather that I needed to be in control of my own thoughts and actions. He wanted me to make decisions that would lead to a productive and action-oriented life.

Today’s Promise to consider: As much I as want to control the events in my life, today I accept that I am powerless over anyone other than myself. This starts with my thinking, my intentions and my behavior. As the mom writes, “I can control only my own mind and in turn my actions…and begin to experience inner peace.”

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Jan 31, 2013

EVERYDAY COURAGE: PART 3

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Hope

A mom wrote: I was the woman on the couch who cried and felt lost. I walked from room to room without purpose. I felt like a shell. I tried to fix my son over and over again. I don’t give up easily, but my interventions did not work. He got worse the more I tried.

I stopped trying in a bold way. I started to let go and started working on me. I started to accept more and to fret less. I can only change me. My son is getting better little by little. I don’t know if he will ever be the kid I thought I had. But I am healing.

My thoughts: This mom’s words reminded me of my journey. I, too, was the mom on the couch who felt lost. I was also the mom who worked relentlessly, afraid to stop for fear of being on the couch again. I wrote in my journal and prayed for wisdom. In time, I started to let go and reach out for help, especially to those in Al-Anon. I made a conscious decision to stop feeling powerless to change my son and, instead, focused on my power to change me.

Today’s Promise to consider: Courage can be as simple as getting out of bed in the morning or as they say in AA to “suit up and show up” even when our world is falling apart. For me, courage is based on faith. Today, I will pray for the courage to choose to make my health and serenity a priority and to allow my son the space he needs to choose sobriety for himself. Courage truly is fear that has said its prayers.

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