A dad wrote to me: I sincerely believe that finding my own personal recovery allowed my son to find his own.
This dad’s comment is complimented by Beverly Conyers, who wrote in MomPower: In the process of taking better care of my own life, my relationship with my daughter gradually improved. And when conflict with me was no longer a convenient excuse for her problems, she was left face-to-face with the consequences of her own choices. That was the beginning of her recovery.
My reflection: For years, my son’s recovery seemed to be more important to me than it was to him, especially at the beginning, when he lived as he wanted while I immersed myself in fixing his problems. I needed to let go. He needed to confront the consequences of his lifestyle.
Today’s Promise to consider: Is it possible that by taking care of ourselves and working on our own wellness that our suffering loved ones will, eventually, do the same? Is it possible that by establishing firm boundaries that our loved ones will respect our stance? Is it possible that by staying close but out of the chaos of their addiction that our loved ones might decide to take control of their lives? For many of us, the answers are yes.
Very encouraging and uplifting thought- as I often feel so helpless just watching my son make bad choices. It gives me extra impetus to focus on my own recovery and pursue my own peace of mind while letting my loved one face their own consequences- no matter how much fear and anxiety watching them provokes in me!
Dear June, You’re right that allowing our loved one to face the consequences of their choices is gut wrenching. I join you in taking care of ourselves. We are not alone. xoxo
Wow, this post, Today’s Promise and the comments here are just what I need to hear at this moment as I feel the “gut wrenching” anxiety of my recent decision to stop taking care of my adult son and allow him to face the consequences of his choices. But trusting that putting my recovery first will not only improve the quality of my life, but may increase my son’s chance of recovery is a great comfort.
Dear Laura, Yes, we feel ‘gut wrenching’ anxiety when faced with addiction’s trauma. When we lose ourselves in the chaos, nothing good can come from it. I stand with you in hope and peace. xoxo
Encouraging to me. I hope this helps, for me to focus on my own recovery. I’m so glad I found your writings, only by pure chance. I hope I can help others as well and gain wisdom. I sure like that we are not alone.
Dear Ann, I join you in prayer and hope that you can and will focus on your own recovery. Service, helping others, and my time in the halls of Al-Anon helped me immensely. Yes, we are not alone — and that’s what Al-Anon taught me. There I found people who knew my walk. Love to you. xo