Old Man in Sorrow (On the Threshold of Eternity) Vincent Van Gogh, 1890
A mom, who lost her son to addiction, wrote to me, Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart, but I know there was nothing more I could have done for my son. Today, I honor the grief by acknowledging it and not hiding it. I can’t carry guilt like a cross. I know that today my beloved son is at peace and free of pain. An acupuncturist once told me our bodies remember stress and trauma and, as beautiful as childbirth is, my body obviously remembers bringing my beautiful boy into this world and also remembers the trauma of finding him after he left this world. I honor his life everyday.
My reflection: This mom wrote the above message to me following Dr. MacAfee’s entry about The Terror of Addiction. Her words inspire me as she acknowledges the pain and has the courage to speak out. My love and gratitude to all the parents who extend a hand to help others who suffer the greatest loss of all.
Today’s Promise to consider: When my heart is most broken, I want to go under and hide, but today I will open my arms to my pain and accept that God is shaping the stone of my spirit. I’ll allow myself to be transformed into the grateful dancer God wants me to be.
Oh, how this week’s meditation is so close to me. I could have written the words myself. Thank you, Libby for another very inspirational meditation.
As I approach the anniversary of my son’s death, next month, I am humbled. I am humbled by the words of all of you who come here. I read Laura’s comments on last week’s meditation, and my heart bled for her. I know how it feels to lose a son to this horrible disease. Her courage is profound and it helps me stay focused on the positive things in life. Thank you, Laura. May the hole in our hearts be filled with love, compassion and gratitude. We can find it all here, on Libby’s blog, a safe place to honor our feelings.
I pray that God will shape the stone of all our spirits, and transform us into grateful dancers, so we can dance our way into the kingdom of God.
With love,
Barbara
Dearest Barbara,
You were my inspiration to try to write this entry. Your compassion, strength and wisdom after all you’ve been through is one of the most inspiring feats I could imagine. You, who lost two loved ones, continue to believe and truly allow yourself to be transformed into the person God wants you to be.
Your last line above is perfect and I join you in this prayer…that we will all be transformed into grateful dancers, so we can dance our way into the kingdom of heaven.
Love you, always.
L
Reading this story about the Mom losing her son brings such hurt and pain to my heart. Not only do we lose our children to drug addiction but we can lose them to other outside situations. I have lost my daughter, not to drugs, but to a different situation and I understand how this loss affects a parent. God bless!
It must of taken alot of courage and love to share those uplifting words…..am moved to tears on reading, and I thank you for all the encouragement, for its not an easy journey as a parent to having to live through your child’s addiction.
Deanna
Honoring life
Honoring grief and loss and feeling the feelings . Barbara you are the one who inspires me here as does a close friend from Al Anon who lost her son too. The ultimate price, the sadness of this disease and how it steals life and goodness from us. We must not give it the power to steal any more from us. We must save ourselves somehow from being engulfed. This blog and Al Anon helps to save us.
We can honor life by living ours as the gift that it is. Feel the feelings of what we have been through and allow ourselves to grieve but not die while we are alive. Time takes time. Be well all
Love Jane.
I sob quietly alone whenever I take the time to stop and read the comments here and feel the pain of other parents like me. I sometimes wonder why I put myself through it. I think it’s because I want to cry; it feels good to get it out, rather than keep it in and act as if there is nothing wrong in a world with addiction stealing the lives of our children. It is bittersweet to share the experience with others who understand. I pull from your strength, Libby and Barbara.
Van Gogh’s Old Man depicts the sorrow we are all feeling, for he surely knew pain and struggle, while celebrating life with his beautiful art. Ultimately he gave up on life, but we cannot. Life is too good to let it slip by. I try to remember to celebrate each day with the family that I have in my life, while praying for my son who is away. So, I don’t cry for too long. From sobs to laughter with friends and family, which feels even better than a good cry!
My prayers and love to all here.
My heart breaks too when I come here. Knowing the pain of loving a child addicted, I am not able to imagine the courage to embrace life and keep giving here to all of us after having lost children. Barbar,s Laura, you are my heroes.
Libby, today’s promise to consider is SO profound.
This weekend my 33 year old son will be under our roof for the first time in almost two years. He is still on parole. This will be first time for an extended stay where he has been clean– after 16 years of addiction. When people ask me how my son is now I say “alive.” I say clean. I say I am so proud of his courage. Grateful for his doctor and woman he loves and who loves him. Grateful for all the prayers. I am on my knees grateful for this place now.I tell them about Libby and this place About never giving up hope.
My prayers eVery day for all of us in this community of souls sharing wisdom and love.
Joy,
Wow, you are so positive. Your situation with your son could be mine in a few years when my son gets released from prison. Although I try not to project, I feel apprehension and doubt about how that will be after 3 years of incarceration and more on parole. But your positive attitude encourages me. I will pray for your son’s new beginning.
Thank you for sharing.
Laura