A mom wrote to me: I tried everything humanly possible to save my son. And then I let go. I have so much love and gratitude for the peace I am now experiencing. I have no illusions for tomorrow. I went to three funerals of young people in ten days.
My reflection: I, too, tried countless ways to stop my son’s addiction. I dragged him to therapists, forced him into treatment centers, paid his bills, and tracked him down whenever he couldn’t be found. After fourteen years of attempting to control my son’s disease, I was forced to surrender.
Today’s Promise to consider: When I finally acknowledged that the power to stop my son’s addiction was outside my control, I was able to let go with love. As sobering as it was to admit my powerlessness, it was crucial for me to realize that no matter how much of myself I poured into his illness, the choice to stop was his alone.
That is certainly the truth and the power of addiction. I think the saddest part of this journey for me, in looking back, is regardless of all the great advice and suggestions from counselors, experienced parents, books I would read or support groups I attended — I had to do it “MY” way. It’s the only way I learned what Libby is saying in her post! It is the pain of this disease that creates the needed change in us and in our children.
Pat, you are SO right. I, too, did it ‘my’ way for 14 years. Yes, I was told not to enable, but I couldn’t get my head around what that really meant. It’s totally counter-intuitive. The thought of not ‘helping’ my son was incomprehensible to me…until I realized that my help was contributing to the problem.
Thanks for continuing to share your wisdom with us. We walk together.
Oh, this is so exactly me. I am leaving things up to a much higher power, the only power that there really is.
Dear Sue, I join you in leaving things up to a much higher power. We are powerless. Our higher power is not. I’ll stay close in prayer. xo
Oh, this is so exactly me. I have decided to leave things up to a much higher power, the only power that there really is.
I understand everyone’s frustration. First, I went through the up and downs with my husband and now my son. I thank God everyday for the wisdom and courage to keep going on.
Dear Deb, God bless you. We all need wisdom and courage to keep going. We can’t change others; we can only change ourselves. You’ve lived this journey with your husband and now your son. I join you in prayer and love.
I thank God everyday for the wisdom and courage to keep going. My husband and son have addictions and it can spin my anxiety out of control.
Thank you for saying what I knew in my heart to be true. I can’t fix him , I can’t heal him, and I can’t lessen the pain he is in.
Dear Jill, You’re right — we can’t fix our child, we can’t heal him, and we can’t lessen his pain. I tried for 14 years, until I finally, ‘let go and let God.’ It was excruciating, but it was the beginning of my healing, and his. With love to you.
It took me a long time too 15 years but I have let go as well. I still have bad days but at least I have a sense of freedom that I can choose what to do with my own life without worrying about my son every step of the way. I love him but he has his own life to make his own choices.
Dear Kathy, Thanks for your words and insights. Yes, we still can have bad days, but at least we know that we can choose how to our life. You’re right – that is where freedom can be found. That is where hope can be found, too. My sincere thanks to you.