A friend of mine forwarded me a letter written by her son. He wrote: The moral of this story is: Never Give Up. Life is an absolutely terrifying phenomenon, but there is always hope hidden somewhere. On July 28, 2012, I remember sitting alone in a drug induced state, watching the sunrise and praying for a god to kill me. I prayed for no afterlife so the pain, the inner anguish, could finally end. This was the moment when I had an epiphany. I thought that instead of slowly watching myself die, I would give life a chance. I checked into rehab and I got clean. Turns out that was the easy part. Staying clean, that’s where shit gets real. I had to figure out who I was, better yet, who I am. The answer didn’t happen overnight. Hell, it’s still an ongoing process. I had to accept that I’m an awkward guy, a people pleaser who doesn’t want anyone to find out that I’m just an asshole with a big heart, and a nervous wreck who tries his best to remain calm. Then something magical happened: I realized that I wasn’t alone. One day I woke up and thought, “Holy damn, I can relate to other people without the use of drugs or alcohol, and they might even like me for who I am?!” And that was a beautiful thing. Life is a beautiful thing. I never thought I could make it to four years clean and sober. With the right attitude, essentially anything is possible.
My reflection: This young man calls out many important parts of the recovery process and delineates the numerous epiphanies that happen along the way. I often hear addicts talk about the rays of hope that enter when things are at their worst and the personal bottoms that ignite the gift of desperation where real change takes hold.
Today’s Promise to consider: This young man’s words remind us all that with addiction there is hope and that sobriety is possible. He discovered that life can be a beautiful thing. Our prayer is that all our suffering children fight for and embrace life in recovery.
At the start of this journey I always thought getting clean would be the hard part but after many years and many attempts to get clean I have come to realize that this young man is right, the hard part is staying clean.
The aftermath of years of abuse and neglected relationships only contribute to the isolation the addict faces at a time when they need love and support around them the most. I remember the last time my daughter was home detoxing. She was crying because she felt so all alone, her old friends were no longer interested in her and the only people she could relate to were the addicts she was trying to leave behind.
I realized then that staying clean would be the hard part.
She did choose life though when she discovered she was pregnant and that, so far, has given her hope for the future.
Thanks for writing, Sue. I join you in prayer that your daughter continues to live a sober life. Learning to live in abstinence is the hardest part.