Jeff with Grandma Cataldi, our prayer warrior.
A mother wrote to me: I wonder how many prayers we have lifted up as parents of addicted children? And how many prayers others have lifted up on our behalf in an effort to do something, anything to support our both tender and strong parent hearts. How many prayers are lifted up, especially during those times when there is no clear answer to, “What do I do?”
A song: Below are two stanzas of a song written by John Elliot. The lyrics serve to remind us how much comfort and strength comes to us through those who never hesitate to ‘pray us along.’
Somebody’s prayin, I can feel it
Somebody’s prayin’ for me
Mighty hands are guiding me
To protect me from what I can’t see
Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe
Somebody’s prayin’ for me.
Well, I’ve walked through barren wilderness
Where my pillow was a stone
And I’ve been through the darkest caverns
Where no light had ever shown.
Still I went on ’cause there was someone
Who was down on their knees
And Lord, I thank you for those people
Prayin’ all this time for me.
Today’s Promise to consider: Whether I believe in the power of prayer or not, today I will send forth into the universe positive thoughts and energy for my loved one and all those who are suffering. I will bombard the heavens with requests for love and strength.
It was such a great feeling seeing the picture of your Mom. I always remember her smiling face and how kind she was too everyone around our neighborhood. I read your messages every week and wish things could have been different for Magoo. He lost his soul and sadly after “staying close” for many, many years none of us can stand the pain he inflicted anymore. You remember how talented, gifted and handsome he was and his addictions took all of that away from our entire family. Last heard from him on October 17, 2014, afetr nothing for years. And his messages were nasty, filled with accusations and hate. I have reached the point where I think he would be better off with the Lord! Well, as always love to you and again I loved that picture of your Mom! Lorey
Dear Lorey,
I was in the same situation (as many of us are/were) 5 years ago, and then it happened. I received that phone call that I knew I was always going to get. It was the news of my son’s passing, due to an overdose of heroin.
Addiction strangles the entire family. I’m so sorry that your son was the strangler. Drugs prey on the mind. They fill the addict’s mind with bad, nasty and horrible thoughts, accusations, and above all, hate. I hate that word. “Hate”, in my mind, has always been associated with Satan.
You say in your message that he would be better off with the Lord. You are not the only one who feels that and prays that. I did. When my son passed away, one of the first things I said was, “at least I don’t have to worry if he is dead or alive”. And yes Lorey, I actually found solace in the fact that he didn’t have to suffer anymore with his drug addiction. I don’ t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s what I felt in my heart and soul.
I pray every day, a rosary. The rosary is dedicated to all who suffer with this horrible disease. It’s part of bombarding the heavens that Libby talks about and prays about. I pray for strength, love and faith for the addicts and the addicts’ parents and loved ones, so they may see the light coming down from the heavens while we all bombard it 🙂
Dear Barbara, Lorey,
How tragic, but it gives me such comfort reading your posts. We have been grieving for our son, 30, for years, though he has “functioned” for many of them, good job, apartment, until it all crashed in this year. I try to focus on his successes, his choosing rehab, 4 times, on his own, stints in sober living, but the demon has lead to relapse after relapse and then arrest for shoplifting. We have been vigilant in working on our recovery, allowing ourselves to experience the God given joys of life. I, too, though, often believe his death would release him from from the pain.
Dear Libby,
I love the picture of your mother and Jeff. It’s so precious. I just bet that the “prayer warrior” is praying as we speak. She was a very spiritual woman, a very special woman.
God Bless you and Jeff. God bless your mother, the prayer warrior, who is now laying in Jesus arms.
All my love,
Barbara
Dear Libby
I love the picture as well.
Prayers have definitely stormed the heavens on a regular basis from family and friends for myself, and my son.
Barbara and Lorey my prayers have also included the same ingredients you share. Addiction steals everything good about our loved ones. When it steals their soul, it works on our very core of being. I think that is very common for close family of an addict. There is no judgement there from any of us who have walked in these shoes. We understand the pain and the prayer.
We understand how it may be too difficult to stay close as well. Sometimes the only way to stay close is in prayer.
This is a complex, difficult, and painfully cruel disease that will strangle everyone close if it is allowed power to do so. We all have to figure out our path. There is definitely no one right way.
Prayers for all
Love
Jane
Thank you Libby. It is so good to think of others praying with us and for us.
This made me think of mother and how shel prays for us and for my son every day, how she has been the one who led me to faith in prayer. How she can read me –when I go quiet when I know he is using again.
Right now, we continue to stay close through this first real recovery/ relapse cycle. Before he never wanted to quit. Or tried. Lorey, I prayed often those days for it to be over –and wondered how a mother could ever feel that way, but I did, I so understand. I was praying but I prayed then too for his release from what I considered a real demon. Because he was indeed diseased in his soul and yes — possessed by hate. Those were dangerous times to navigate. Sometimes staying close in body was not an option. But lord I prayed. Ever close in spirt and praying for his lost soul. Thank God I could do that, it was all I had left — all I could do and it helped me- if not him.
Now my son is trying so hard — good days but .. vulnerable. It is hard,really hard watching him go to meetings, see doctors, deal with depression ,face himself clean and get depressed over the past, and numb himself again with Ativan or Valium. And he knows we know. And we know he knows we know. But we all just go on. This is different.
This is glimpse of of a beautiful soul struggling towards the light.
So yes, let us all pray for all whereever the addicts are in whatever phase of addiction. And for ourselves, those families like us who despite all the years and all the things we learn and know, and faith in God and prayer still feel sometimes that their hearts are just ripped out of their chest.
This week, my son, my baby, turned 34. Th last seventeen years have been filled with the disease in our midst. I realize now it is a forever thing. If I can accept that reality is what it is- a reality I cannot change- I find peace. It is when I want him to be better today, the way I want him to be better, I suffer.
So, on my knees tonight and letting go of my own understanding and trusting or trying to — in what I’ve always called some Divine Calendar. Life unfolds as it will.
Recovery from addiction for the family as well as addicted loved one is not just a journey, it’s a lifetime marathon. And requires prayer without ceasing. Lots of deep breathing .
Much love to all who come here.
Thank you Barbara as always and Libby for this soulful prayer.
Thank you Joy for your eloquent response. I echo your experiences
Jane
Dear all,
Your words of wisdom and comfort inspire me. We have all suffered and we reach out to help each other without judgment. This gift of acceptance is strength for the soul.
The picture of my mom and Jeff is touching and one of my favorites. Jeff was her first-born grandchild, and they had a special bond. She adored him, and he adored her right back. She and I never got along very well, not until five months before she died when we finally made peace and found forgiveness. Through all the controversies she and I had, Jeff never quit loving her nor did she ever quit loving him. My dad once said about Jeff, “That kid would take a bullet for his grandmother.” And that’s the truth.
Throughout the years of Jeff’s addiction and all the suffering that we know happens, she never quit praying for him. She saw the destruction left in his wake, but never stopped lifting him up in prayer. I loved and admired her for her devotion to Jeff. She must have seen, as Joy writes, “a beautiful soul struggling toward the light.”
Staying close doesn’t mean in body, but it does mean in soul. We can pray for our lost loved ones. That’s all we can, really. We can’t change them, but we can remember them in prayer.
Love to you all,
L
Thank you so much for sharing. Joy, your posting touched my heart and reached into the depths to my soul. Embrace your beautiful spirit.
Jane, you have great courage. I love your wisdom.
Libby, thank you so much for keeping all of us together, here. It means a lot to me.
Libby, in looking at the picture of your mother, I can see where you and your son get your beauty. Smiles that most definitely warm your heart.
I just finished reading your book and I’m convinced that the power of prayer works. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on the part of a desperate mom, but it’s what gives me hope. Although I vacillate on whether there is a higher power because why does prayer work for some and not others? I struggle with this question often and try to satisfy this perpetual nagging by convincing myself that God has a greater purpose for those who succumb to this demon we call addiction.
My son relapsed, went to two weeks of rehab and is currently in a halfway house. He seems to be living clean and abiding by house rules, but then again only he really knows. I’ve been down this road before. As a result, the words “seem” and “appear” when asked how I think my son is doing are used. I’ve learned not to be overly optimistic.
Recently, my son referred to his being in recovery as “renewing” himself. I PRAY that he truly is dedicated to “renewing” himself.
To all those who are in the clutches of addiction, I pray that they will find the strength and courage to “renew” themselves. To those affected by their addiction, I pray that you find peace.
Dear Karen,
I wish your son’s renewal, a good luck journey. I will pray for him. I will pray for his renewal to be a “forever one”.
I hope you find the peace you deserve.
Dear Karen,
I join Barbara in prayer that his is your son’s renewal = his ‘forever one.’ We pray.
Dear Barbara. I love you! You are compassionate and full of love for all of us. After all you’ve been through, I admire who you are and what you do.
L