A husband wrote to me: My wife has relapsed on alcohol after remaining sober for a period of twelve years. I am now the sole custodian of three children. This disease engulfs everyone in its path, including the addict and family. I have witnessed the progression of the disease from the perspective of the loving spouse, as well as through the lens of my children who battle on a daily basis through the scars of their mother’s addiction.
My reflection: Addiction destroys families. It breeds worry, helplessness and hopelessness. What happens to the children when a parent relapses? What happens to the spouse? No mother wants to hurt her children, and this story epitomizes the power of drugs.
Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction is a family illness and we all suffer. But through it all, I must protect my family. Today, I’ll take this disease out of the dark where it does its dirtiest work. I will open the lines of communication, and I’ll listen without judgment to my children and spouse as they share their feelings. I will provide a safe harbor.
I can attest that addiction is a family disease. It strangles every member of the family, not just the mom, not just the dad, not just the sibling, everyone around the addict.
I find it so sad when I read the posting of the alcoholic wife, I wanted to cry. It’s so sad when addiction shows its ugly head. And it’s so ugly, I have a difficult time trying to describe it right now. Maybe it’s because I have spent some time reflecting on my son’s demise. I don’t know. I do know one thing for sure, addiction will suffocate the whole family if they don’t do something about it. Go to al anon, na meetings, anything you have to do, to try to understand this disease. And, it IS a disease.
I feel for the families of addicts. I feel for the addicts. I try to tell myself that addiction is an addict’s disease, but no matter how hard I try to put that into perspective, I know it can’t work.
My prayers go out to all addicts in the world. I pray for you and your families every single day of my remaining life.
To Sue: You have been on my mind since I read your last posing. I just want you to know that your daughter will one day come back to you, she is probably still young, hasn’t learned life’s lessons, yet. Keep your spirit strong and practice positive thinking. You are in my thoughts and prayers, daily.
With love and the utmost respect,
Barbara
One afterthought, relapse is just that – relapse. It doesn’t mean that after 12 years of sobriety, the addict will not get sober again. Because, they can. It’s part of the disease. Once again, there are no real answers to the disease of addiction. For the addict, it’s a lot of trials and errors. Just because someone falls off the wagon (so to speak) after years of sobriety, doesn’t mean it’s over. I have heard that relapse is a part of addiction. Whether I believe it or not, is neither here nor there. It’s one of the many faces of addiction. And, we all know there are many.
I get angry when I see how addiction destroys families. I wish I didn’t. I know this disease robs me of hope. I see my loved ones as lost, desperate, dangerous, and weak. Sometimes I see all of these things all at once. It is frightening. I pray that God keeps my eyes gentle and my heart full. Compassion beats addiction every time. Even when I lost my oldest son, Freddy, love still won because where he went, death and disease can do him no harm. Addiction is NOT A MORAL FAILURE! Addiction hurts me because it takes away the love and trust and replaces it with anger and fear. I treat addiction like Alzheimer’s. When addiction takes over, they don’t even know who they are anymore. They don’t recognize me, just my refusal to let them use (battle on) and every road block that I put in between them and addiction is like a knife in their back. I pray for us here and for the addicts I haven’t met. May God deliver us soon.
Keep on loving. Loving is all. And keep on being open to the love you are given. Every day in every way. Thank you Libby.