libbycataldi, Author at Stay Close Blog

Apr 10, 2014

EXCERPTS FROM HENRI NOUWEN, PART 3: FROM RESENTMENT TO GRATITUDE

by libbycataldi under Faith, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery, Resentments

Woman Dancing (1809-1812) by Antonio Canova

Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and theologian, wrote, I once saw a stonecutter remove great pieces from a huge rock on which he was working. In my imagination I thought, That rock must be hurting terribly. Why does his man wound the rock so much? But as I looked longer, I saw the figure of a graceful dancer emerge gradually from the stone. (Turn My Mourning into Dancing)

My reflection: There were times in my life when I looked toward the heavens, screaming and beseeching God to stop my problems. I knew the saying, “God only gives us what we can handle,” and I had had enough. I felt pummeled and couldn’t understand why God thought I should be the grateful recipient of so much grief. Now, I better understand that everything in my life (both good and bad) provided a chance to learn and grow.

Today’s Promise to consider: Most of us want life to be easy, enjoyable and comfortable; however, today I acknowledge that the difficult times are what make us into the person we are. Like a sculptor chipping away at marble, the best version of me is underneath many layers.

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Apr 3, 2014

EXCERPTS FROM HENRI NOUWEN, PART 2: THE GIFT OF COMFORT

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Jeremy, Stay Close

Son Jeremy and Granddaughter Iysa

Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and theologian, wrote, One of the greatest gifts we can give others is ourselves. We offer consolation and comfort, especially in moments of crisis, when we say, Do not be afraid. I know what you are living and I am living it with you. You are not alone. (Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life)

My reflection: In my darkest times with addiction and breast cancer, many people offered me advice, solutions or cures. Although I appreciated their concern, the greatest help came from those who merely rested with me, stayed close without any judgment or words of wisdom.

Today’s Promise to consider: When we feel powerless or overwrought with problems, we most need to know that we are not alone, that we are supported without judgment, advice or lecture. Today, let us simply stay together in comfort and understanding.

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Mar 27, 2014

EXCERPTS FROM HENRI NOUWEN, PART 1: CHOICE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Forgiveness, Gratitude, meditation

Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and theologian, wrote, There always remains a choice to be made between the creative power of love and life and the destructive power of hatred and death. I, too, must make that choice myself, again and again. Nobody else, not even God, will make that choice for me. (Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life)

My reflection: When Jeff was in active addiction, I fought against it with every fiber of my being. When ugliness happened (as it often does with addiction), I responded with anger, hurt, resentment and outrage. In time, I learned that, as much as I wanted to, I could not control his addiction. I also learned that fighting ugliness with ugliness was destroying me, too.

Today’s Promise to consider: Jeff told me, Every day we’re faced with decisions about how to approach the world around us – with grace and positivity or with ugliness and impatience. Life is challenging and so many circumstances are outside our control, but the way we respond is in our hands. Today I will live my life with grace and positivity. I will choose love and life.

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Mar 20, 2014

THE POWER OF SUPPORT GROUPS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Recovery

Libby, Louise, Jackie, Jackie and Teresa

Libby, Louise, Teresa, Jackie and Jackie

A mom and dad wrote to me, After our son was clean for 18 months, we began sharing our story at a local treatment center’s family workshop. First we talked with families, then separately with the patients. We always suggest Al Anon.

Last week, a young male patient, who had been lounging on the couch seemingly disinterested, spoke up. “Excuse me, Ma’am,” he began politely. “Thank you for coming and all, but I don’t want my mom to go to Al Anon. I don’t want her in my business. She’s already too much in my life and I don’t want her in any more of it.”

Several fellow patients jumped in. “You don’t get it,” they chimed. “That’s WHY you want your mom to go to Al Anon. It’s not for you. It’s for HER. That’ll get her OFF your back!”

My husband and I were surprised that in a roomful of addicts so many understood there was a program to help their families – and they were eager to learn more. The visit reminded us, again, that addiction is a family disease.

My reflection: There are many support groups for families of addicts. Although I attend Al-Anon, there are many others. The support of my group is essential to my serenity. When I finally stumbled, broken, into an Al-Anon meeting, I found compassion and understanding. The people in those rooms helped me carry my burden.

Today’s Promise to consider: Sometimes our burdens become too heavy to carry. There are other people who will help. Families can learn to heal. Love, compassion and understanding are available in support groups. We just need to reach out our hand.

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Mar 13, 2014

LET GO AND LET GOD

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Faith

Photo credit: Ando Pndlian

A mom wrote to me, Even without the drug problem in my life, I have to let go of and accept that my son has to go on and have his own life. I have to let him make his own decisions and mistakes, but it’s hard to stay out of his way. I’m right in the heart of learning to “Let go and let God.” Wanting to control is natural, but I know when I can finally surrender my life that it will take a big weight off my heart and I can begin to live a life of just loving everything and everybody around me.

My reflection: Much of what I learned through addiction can be applied to everyday life. When Jeff was drug sick, I wanted nothing more than to force him to stop. But I learned in Al-Anon, with professional help and through education that controlling an addiction is impossible. “Let go and let God” became my mantra.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I admit that I cannot control anyone other than myself. Today, I accept that my loved ones have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. Standing back is difficult, almost impossible at times, but today I surrender my will and pray for their good decisions. God is in charge, not me.

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Mar 6, 2014

EXPECTATIONS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Forgiveness, Resentments

A mom wrote to me: We had so many expectations for our children and us. Then, like a puff of smoke, they were gone.

My reflection: I know this feeling of loss. When Jeff was young, he was a strong student, vice-president of student government, talented athlete, wonderful son and brother. We never dreamed that addiction would find its way into our home. We lost Jeff to drugs for fourteen years, but I thank the Lord that it was only fourteen years and not a lifetime. This journey steeled us together in a new way. A stronger way.

Today’s Promise to consider: Expectations, for me, are dangerous. Many of my biggest life’s disappointments stem from hopes I had for my children, myself or for others I love. When I release my expectations and accept life for what it is, I feel gifted with a renewed sense of peace. Today, I will pray for acceptance. I will relaxed my grasp on expectations.

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Feb 27, 2014

ROOM FOR ONE

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

A mom wrote to me, My son has not changed, but I have.

My reflection: This one sentence, embedded in a much longer email, resonated deeply with me. Why? Because change is a choice. With addiction, as with much of life, we often wait for the other person or for circumstances to become better before we do something positive for ourselves. It took fourteen years for Jeff to decide to change his life while I lost many years chasing him around, trying to force him into sobriety. In the end, I learned that only he could make the decision for himself. Similarly, I learned that only I could make the decision for myself.

Today’s Promise to consider: Dr. MacAfee says there is room for only one person in addiction: the addict. We, who love the addict, often put our lives on hold waiting for him or her to change. After fourteen years, I finally learned that I had to take control of my life and change the only person I could: me.

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Feb 20, 2014

PATIENCE & FAITH

by libbycataldi under Communication, Faith, Jeff

A recovering addict told me, Cleaning drugs and alcohol from the body is one point on the long road of sobriety. True recovery is about walking the walk and handling obstacles with patience and faith.

My reflection: Life for addicts and for those of us who love them is not easy. Challenges confront us daily and the addict must be dedicated to fighting the good fight for themselves and with their Higher Power. As family members and loved ones, we learn how to support them from a distance and to keep hope alive.

Today’s Promise: The goal of walking the walk and handling obstacles with patience and faith is a goal for all of us, whether we are recovering addicts or not. The question is not if we will face obstacles and problems, but how will we face them. Whether it feels like it or not, I believe God is always with us. The ability to handle problems with patience and faith is my daily prayer.

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Feb 13, 2014

ON A PARENT’S PAIN

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Faith, family, Hope, Stay Close

Dr. MacAfee talks about a parent’s pain when confronting addiction: Parents are often as trapped inside the addiction as are their children. They ask me, “Where is my son? Where is my daughter?” They know their child is under the drugs, but the child is lost to them.

You can hear the pain in these parents’ words:

I’m trying to remember who we were before this thing called addiction pushed in our door, flooded our house and left us homeless.

Addiction took our beloved son making him only a ghost of who he was. We could see his changes, but not our own. My anger turned to hatred and the shame of this kept me silent.

My reflection: I was like these parents, living in confusion, trying to find a way out of addiction’s grasp and not knowing where to turn. Just as addiction had Jeff by the throat, it had me. I knew Jeff was under the drugs, but I didn’t know how to free him.

Today’s Promise to consider: Only we, as parents, can free ourselves from the claws of addiction. Today, I’ll reach out for help, go to an Al-Anon meeting or talk with someone who understands. I’ll pray and trust that in time this soul-crushing heaviness will be relieved. I will take addiction out of the shadows and into the light.

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Feb 6, 2014

ADDICTION WAITS PATIENTLY

by libbycataldi under Jeff, Recovery, Relapse

The Daily Beast, 2/2/14: Philip Seymour Hoffman lay dead on his side on the bathroom floor clad in a T-shirt and shorts, a hypodermic needle sticking out of his left arm. In the trash, police found five empty heroin envelopes. Nearby were two full envelopes. (Michael Daly)

The Telegraph, 2/3/14: Philip Seymour Hoffman was clean for 23 years before apparently checking himself into rehab last year. To stay away from drink and drugs for nearly a quarter of a century – and then relapse? Some people will be puzzled by that. They shouldn’t be. (Damian Thompson is the author of The Fix: How addiction is taking over your world.)

Jeff’s Reaction: Addiction doesn’t discriminate. This week we saw one of the world’s most talented actors die to street drugs. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death is a stark reminder that addiction is always there, patient and waiting to pounce. No matter how much clean time we put together, sobriety is a life-long journey. It’s easy to forget how bad things can become when we open addiction’s cage.

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