Recovery Archives - Page 16 of 20

Apr 17, 2013

A WALK OF COURAGE: SAN PATRIGNANO

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

Michael and Libby in the woodworking shop at San Patrignano

Michael wrote to me from San Patrignano, a recovering community in Italy: My story is very similar to Jeff’s. My life was a mess: I was thrown out of rehabs and out of the Marine Corps; I dropped out of college on a baseball scholarship and walked out of countless treatment centers. I was convinced that I was the smart one doing heroin, ‘living the good life,’ while everyone else was living the ‘sucker’s life.’

My mother frantically searched for a cure to fix me. We tried 12-step, medication, therapy, in-patient, out-patient. I wasn’t having any of it.

Just when everyone was prepared to write me off as a lost cause, my mother found your book and was deeply moved by its reality and truth. Somehow she picks San Patrignano out of your book and has the courage and determination to “Stay Close” and never give up hope.

We traveled to Rimini and I entered San Patrignano, but with a different attitude. As they say in AA/NA, I was ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired.’

San Patrignano has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. The Marine Corp was a walk in the park compared to this place. Here I was literally taken by the hand and shown how to start living a different way.

I’ve been sober for 3 and ½ years. Thanks to you and your sons for reaching out and trying to comfort and help people who are struggling.

This past Saturday, I traveled to San Patrignano to visit Michael. My heart was filled with joy to see him healthy and strong. I admire both him and his mother for their courage, and their story inspires me. Thanks, Michael, for sharing your story. Jeff, Jeremy and I wish you only good things. We’re here, staying close.

Today’s Promise to consider: It takes courage to confront addiction, both by the addict and by those who love him or her. But where there is life, there is hope. Today, we’ll keep believing.

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Apr 10, 2013

22 HOURS AND 14 MINUTES

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

Memorial Hermann Medical Center, Houston, Texas: Jeff and I were invited to speak at the Prevention and Recovery Center. Before our presentation, I passed through the audience as people began to fill the space, introducing myself and welcoming individually each person. I saw a young man about 24-years old, sitting alone, head down. When I approached him, he looked up skeptically, probably wondering what I wanted. I thanked him for coming and asked, “How long have you been sober?” He pulled up his shirtsleeve, looked at his watch and said, “22 hours and 14 minutes.”

My reaction: “That’s an accomplishment,” I said softly. “Jeff tells me one day is a huge effort. Congratulations. Keep coming back. We’re glad you’re here.” He smiled, looked again at his watch and never looked back at me. It didn’t matter. He was there; he came to hear us speak about hope and healing. I don’t know if he stayed sober or not, but since that day I’ve kept him in my good thoughts and prayers.

Today’s Promise to consider: The fight for sobriety takes many faces, but it is never easy. Victory is hard earned, one step at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time or 22 hours and 14 minutes at a time. To all the recovering addicts who are continuing the fight, stay strong. We are with you.

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Apr 3, 2013

DECIDING FOR ONESELF

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Recovery, Relapse

A mother wrote: I bailed my son out and fixed it all. When I finally went to Families Anonymous and Nar-Anon, I realized I didn’t cause the addiction and I can’t change it – only he can do that. I realized that by enabling, I was doing him more harm than good.

He was arrested again and remained in jail for three weeks. No one to bail him out, he worked on his own with a public defender to get accepted into drug court in lieu of jail. He now goes to meetings, is drug tested and meets with the judge. I learned to let go with love.

My reaction: I have spoken with many young addicts across the country and they have told me, My addiction is not my parents’ fault. Drugs are more powerful than you can imagine. When I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I made the choice to change my life. When the consequences of my addiction got to be more than I could live with, I made the decision for myself.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close to my child, but I will no longer be dragged under by addiction. I will give my loved one the dignity to make his own choices. I won’t abandon him, but I’ll wait for him to make the decision of health, not for me, but for himself.

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Mar 21, 2013

HAPPINESS: HARD WORK OF THE SOUL

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, meditation, Recovery

Son Jeremy and granddaughter Iysa

A mom wrote, For years, I lived in my head and froze my body as if I could keep away the pain of my son’s addiction. But now I dance. It is one way I deal with my emotions, but only one way. Whatever strategies you need, use them. Meditating helps train my mind, and dancing is helping to train my body and soul. Through all of this, I’ve learned that we have a choice to be compassionate, not angry towards the addict and ourselves, a choice to be happy. I still have to work hard at not being afraid and not being sad. But hard work of the soul is maybe why we are here.

My reaction: I, too, remember years of trying to deal with the trauma of Jeff’s addiction by running and swimming miles, trying to relieve the pain. Like the childhood book Max and the Wild Things, dance allows us to stomp and rage against addiction and then to spin and raise our hands in joy and happiness. My personal journey toward happiness began when I reached out my hand for help. Al-Anon was there, and it still is.

Today’s Promise to consider: Locking ourselves away in pain and hurt doesn’t help our loved ones or us. When dealing with addiction, it can feel impossible to be happy, but today I’ll do the work necessary, the hard work of the soul. I’ll dance and meditate. I’ll run. I’ll pray, attend Al-Anon meetings and talk with a therapist. We owe it to our loved ones and ourselves to find our way toward happiness.

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Mar 7, 2013

CONTROL: BEGINS WITH MY THINKING

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Recovery

A mom wrote to me: As a Buddhist practitioner, I remind myself again and again that the only thing I have control over is my own mind, and in turn my actions. The sooner one can accept this fundamental truth the sooner one can begin to experience inner peace because we aren’t constantly worrying about trying to control others’ actions, moods, choices. What we can do is generate love and compassion for those who are suffering and pray for them.

My reaction: When I was a child, my dad used to tell me, “You gotta make something happen, Dearie.” I grew up believing that if something went wrong in my life, it was my fault because I didn’t make something happen and, therefore, wasn’t in control of the outcome. Today, I think I misunderstood my dad’s words. He wasn’t telling me that I had to control all the events in my world, but rather that I needed to be in control of my own thoughts and actions. He wanted me to make decisions that would lead to a productive and action-oriented life.

Today’s Promise to consider: As much I as want to control the events in my life, today I accept that I am powerless over anyone other than myself. This starts with my thinking, my intentions and my behavior. As the mom writes, “I can control only my own mind and in turn my actions…and begin to experience inner peace.”

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Feb 7, 2013

FORGIVING, PART 1

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Forgiveness, Recovery

My mother’s death was hard for me and inspired a personal journey of trying to understand death and grief. As a result, I talked with Dominique, a Hospice counselor. We discussed dying, but our conversations about forgiving taught me the most.

Dominique said: In all relationships, no matter how wonderful they are, there is need to forgive. We hurt each other, sometimes when we don’t even know it: It’s part of being human. Forgiving is not about forgetting. The wounds don’t magically heal. Forgiving is to wish well to the person who harmed us, meaning we wish them fullness of heart and a clarity of mind that aspires to wisdom. Forgiving is not an emotional state. It is an act of willful love that ultimately sets us free, for only in loving are we truly free.

My reaction: During Jeff’s addiction, the pain was extraordinary and I felt lots of emotions, including anger. That anger led to deep-held resentments against many people, including Jeff. I thought I could never forgive, but when Jeff entered recovery, honesty broke the back of the resentments between us and we made amends to each other. For the others whom I did not confront, I’m learning to let go and forgive. Sure, I remember what happened, but the fire in my belly is fading.

Today’s Promise to consider: Forgiveness doesn’t mean I forget the hurts and it doesn’t mean that I give the person a ‘pass’ to hurt me again. It’s up to me to enforce my personal boundaries. Forgiveness is an act of willful love. Today I’ll work to let go of the pain and I will pray for the people who played a part in causing them.

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Dec 27, 2012

ADDICTION AND THE HOLIDAYS

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Forgiveness, Hope, Recovery

I wrote this about the Christmas of 2006: My family knows well the Hell of addiction, but we know only our own Hell. Those who love addicts suffer. The addict suffers. No one is immune. In our family, we each handled our grief differently. Jeremy held things inside, caught in that gap between loving his brother and hiding the truth and loving his brother and telling the truth. Tim and I suffered and responded in our own divergent ways. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, no one knew what to do. During the Christmas of 2006, when neither son came home for our large Italian family gatherings, my brothers didn’t know what to say. They didn’t even know whether to invite me to the festivities. The cousins were confused; could they ask about Jeff or would it be kinder to leave him out of the conversation?

My reflection: The holidays put the addict on center stage when the accumulated chaos of his or her life, and ours, causes excruciating public pain. It is during these family gatherings of joy that addiction often taunts and mocks us the loudest.

Today’s Promise to consider: During the holidays, addiction can severely isolate us, making us feel ashamed of all the ways our lives are not as joyful as they’re supposed to be. I will avoid this dangerous place by being patient and compassionate with myself and my loved one. I will find my serenity in honesty and prayer. I will not allow addiction to rob us of our peace.

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Nov 8, 2012

REDISCOVERING BEAUTY

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, family, Hope, Recovery

A recovering alcoholic wrote to me: I just celebrated my three years of sobriety. What a day it was! My husband surprised me with a fabulous pair of very weathered, but beautifully hand-embroidered cowboy boots. I wear them almost every day (even if just while I’m making dinner!) in remembrance of the fact that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again.

My reaction: The journey to sobriety is a hard-won victory, and I have great respect for those who have made this walk. Every day without alcohol or drugs is a success, and every month of living a drug-free life gives us hope. I learn from those who have traveled the road and fought to regain their life and freedom.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I reaffirm my faith that people can choose a better life, a different life, and a life of promise. I celebrate with all those who have found their sobriety, one day at a time. I, too, believe that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again, and sometimes it can become even more beautiful than it was to begin with.

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Oct 25, 2012

RELAPSES: WE TEND TO FORGET

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me: My son keeps trying to push his addiction. He has been sober for nine months. This past week, he decided to “try” and drink again. I keep telling him, you can’t drink and drug, and of course I got the, “I am getting healthier, Mom,” spiel. He got so sick when he came home he threw up with such force that he busted veins in his face. He is not allowed to drink in our home, but for now I’ll let the situation play itself out. The consequences might do the trick. I keep praying!

My reaction: Father Martin at Father Martin’s Ashley, Jeff’s first recovery center, told this story, “There was an alcoholic who, after 20 years of sobriety, decided he was healed. He walked into a bar on his way home from work and had a drink. He left after the drink, proud of himself. The next day, he stopped again. Two drinks this time, leaving after the second drink. On the way home, he thought he had this addiction thing under control. The next day, he stopped again for a few drinks and never made it home.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Changing behavior is difficult, and many medical experts believe that addiction and alcoholism are life-long conditions that require constant vigilance. As time passes, it’s human nature to tend to forget how bad the bad things were in our lives. If my loved one relapses, I will allow him to feel the consequences of his choices. I am grateful he is sober today, and I pray he chooses health tomorrow.

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Oct 18, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 4

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Hope, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A mom wrote to Jeff, Very interesting to hear you say that while your life is not perfect and everyday is challenging, you have a peace about it. I get this. While very different, sometimes I cannot believe how I have continued to move forward since my husband passed, how I can be at peace and even generally happy, how I have had to accept that what I thought would be my future with my best friend and the life that I envisioned…will not be. I can only attribute this attitude and “peace” to my spiritual relationship. Jeff, so glad you have found this.

My response: I want to write that I, too, have peace, but I still struggle. I believe that my spiritual core needs strengthened. I need to nurture it, be silent and pray more. As Mother Teresa says, “In the silence of the heart God speaks. It is only when you realize your emptiness that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will take ten minutes at the beginning of my day to be still and try to silence the noise in my head. I will open my heart to a feeling of peace. I will make this part of my morning routine.

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