Stay Close Blog

Jan 15, 2015

GET OFF THE NAIL

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Courage, Faith

A friend once told me a story, In the jungle, a lion was howling into the darkness. A mouse walked by and asked what was wrong. The lion said, “I’ve been sitting on a nail and it’s painful.” The mouse replied, “Get up. Get up and off the nail.” The lion sat frozen with fear and said, “I can’t. It will hurt too much.”

My reflection, My friend told me this story when Jeff was in active addiction and I was paralyzed with fear and pain. I didn’t know what to do, how to move or what to tell people – including Jeff – so I did nothing. I remained stuck on the nail of addiction and cried.

Today’s Promise to consider: Life is full of problems and we feel pain about addiction, finances, relationships, careers and countless other things. Sitting on the nail of the problem and howling into the universe doesn’t help. Today I need to find the courage to lift myself off the nail. I’ll take a deep breath, pray and face my problem.

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Jan 8, 2015

TRUSTING AGAIN

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, meditation, Recovery

Jeff, Libby, cousin Ferdinando

A mom wrote to me, I wrote to you a few years ago about my son’s gambling addiction. As every parent, we barely functioned for almost three years. After his marriage of two years ended, he went to rehab and a halfway house for some time. Today, he has a good job, met a great girl and seems to be doing well. He just announced his engagement and even though things seem better, I worry. I know I should have a positive outlook, but the past haunts me. How do you ever begin to trust and live without fear?

My reflection, I once asked Dr MacAfee this same question, “How do I learn to trust again? The past is hard to forget and I worry what might happen in the future.” The good doctor said, “Your feelings are normal. You’ve been vigilant a long time. Be patient with yourself.”

Today’s Promise to consider, Trusting that a recovering loved one will stay well and not return to the chaos of addiction is difficult. Most of us have been deeply scarred by years of turbulence. Today, I’ll be gentle with myself. I’ll breathe, acknowledge my fear and move toward releasing my worry. In doing so, I learn to live with trust. My loved one deserves this effort. So do I.

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Jan 1, 2015

THE PAUSE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Faith, meditation, Stay Close

Arthur Rubinstein, the well-known pianist, was asked, “How do you handle the notes as well as you do?” His response was immediate and passionate, “I handle notes no better than many others, but the pauses – ah! That is where the art resides.”

My reflection, Magic often happens during the pause, a moment when something to be discovered is given the opportunity to rise up. When Jeff was in active addiction, I was afraid of the silences, when I didn’t hear from him or when I didn’t know how to respond to addiction’s continuing problems. In time, I learned to ‘stay close’ and allowed space for the pause. It was in those moments when my Higher Power could do the work.

Today’s Promise to consider: Instead of filling the air with words and trying to solve every problem, I will pause and allow the purity of silence to provide space for me to reflect and think. On this New Year’s Day, I’ll pause, open my heart and listen to the inspiration that resides there.

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Dec 25, 2014

PEACE THROUGH PRAYER

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Gratitude, Hope, Stay Close

A dad wrote: I just got back from visiting my son in Texas. It was one of the best visits I have had with him. So why am I having so much trouble getting through the holidays? I think it is the result of my expectations and waiting for the next shoe to drop. I find myself focused on the future and ruining a time of the year where I should be so thankful he is alive, let alone appearing to be doing well.

I found a prayer that gives me peace.

PARENT’S PRAYER

I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God in you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you.

I place you lovingly in the hands of the Father. I stand by in faith; I refrain from imposing my will on you. You are God’s child you are here to fulfill your own purpose. As close as I am to you, as much as I love you, I cannot live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment, is between you and God.

I know that we are one in God, and that as I trust God in my life and trust him in your life, all will be well!

Today’s Promise to consider: During this holiday season, many of us are suffering in excruciating ways. Life isn’t easy, but prayer provides some serenity. Today I give thanks for my many blessings. My family and I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas.

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Dec 18, 2014

HOW DOES ONE FORGIVE?

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Forgiveness, Resentments

A dad wrote: I have worked so hard on forgiveness. I know in my heart that God wants me to forgive, as He has forgiven. I have prayed for His Spirit to grant me the gift of forgiveness. I must somehow still be resistant. I sometimes, in prayer, feel I have forgiven, then the past comes back to haunt me and the anger and remembrance of betrayal returns and I am back where I do not want to be. Share with me, how do you forgive and stay in forgiveness?

My reflection: In the book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach writes, When we forgive, we stop rigidly identifying others by their undesirable behavior. Without denying anything, we open our heart and mind wide enough to see the deeper truth of who they are. When we do, our hearts naturally open in love.

Today’s Promise to consider: I don’t have a personal process for forgiving, but I do know that in preparation for Christmas, I want to open my heart and mind wide enough to forgive those who have hurt me. As one mom wrote, “It’s anger that keeps us hostage.” Today I’ll pray.

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Dec 11, 2014

NEVER QUIT BELIEVING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, Jeremy

Libby, Jeff and Jeremy

A mom wrote to me, As I type this, our son just started methadone treatment, and our daughter is in a 28-day treatment program after being released from detox. I have to admit that I think it’s unfair that both our children are drug addicts, but I never lose faith. I keep praying for them to get well. It has been a nightmare of epic proportions and my husband and I are so very tired of living all that comes with dealing with addicted children. We just want them to get better and be able to lead healthy and productive lives.

My reflection: This mom is correct that addiction is a nightmare of epic proportions. I remember well the depression, the ache and the suffering that our family endured during Jeff’s addiction. I remember praying to find the silver bullet that would cure my son and stop the addiction. Unfortunately, there isn’t one.

Today’s Promise to consider: We all need someone to believe in us and to have faith in our abilities to overcome. The words that I wrote eight years ago remain true today:

“Never quit believing, OK, Momma?”

“I won’t quit believing, Jeff.”

“Never.”

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Dec 4, 2014

FORGIVING

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, Hope, Resentments

A young man, hunched over and staring at the floor, said, When I was a child, I was sexually abused repeatedly by my uncle. Just saying these words makes my stomach ache and my ears burn. I hated him – he ruined my life and I’ve struggled with this all my life. When my father died, my uncle came to the viewing. When I looked at him, all I could see what a mangy, scared, grey and ugly dog. He didn’t speak to me and I didn’t speak to him, but he knew that I knew what he had done all those years. I’m talking about it now because I have to. I have to let it go, let the anger and hatred go, for myself. It has to be an act of my will. I won’t forget what he did, but I have to forgive him so I can move forward with my life. I need to set myself free.

My reaction: My heart ached as I listened to this young man. The abuse is repulsive, and I have had a hard time forgetting the sadness and despair of his words. He will never forget the offense, but forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. I was grateful to be a witness to his decision to forgive and set himself free.

Today’s Promise to consider: There are hurts we suffer that debilitate us for a long time. Although it isn’t easy, forgiving those who hurt us allows us to open our hearts and to feel a sense of serenity and liberty. Today, I will work on forgiving those who have hurt me by turning my will toward love. I will pray for peace that will help me go forward with my life.

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Nov 27, 2014

EVERYDAY GRATEFUL

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Gratitude, Jeff

Dr. Patrick MacAfee and Jeff

A mom wrote to me, I just read your book and would like to know how Jeff is doing now. I realize that you probably get 40,000 such inquiries weekly, but in reading your book, your family became an extension of my own as my son continues to battle his own addiction issues. I do hope and pray that all is well and that your family has found peace and contentment.

My reflection: This Thanksgiving Day, I am grateful to be able to respond to this question by saying, “Jeff is good today! He fought a hard battle, but he made the decision to change his life. He celebrated eight years of sobriety on July 21, 2014.” I’m also grateful that this mom knows she is not alone as she watches her son struggle to find his way out of the tunnel of drug addiction. I’m grateful she reached out to us.

Today’s Promise to consider: Life is never trouble free, but today I’ll concentrate on living in gratitude. Being grateful is essential to living in serenity. For our family, we are grateful that Jeff is healthy and living a full life for over eight years. We are grateful for today and we pray for tomorrow.

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Nov 20, 2014

SOMEBODY’S PRAYING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Jeff, Recovery

Jeff with Grandma Cataldi, our prayer warrior.

A mother wrote to me: I wonder how many prayers we have lifted up as parents of addicted children? And how many prayers others have lifted up on our behalf in an effort to do something, anything to support our both tender and strong parent hearts. How many prayers are lifted up, especially during those times when there is no clear answer to, “What do I do?”

A song: Below are two stanzas of a song written by John Elliot. The lyrics serve to remind us how much comfort and strength comes to us through those who never hesitate to ‘pray us along.’

Somebody’s prayin, I can feel it

Somebody’s prayin’ for me

Mighty hands are guiding me

To protect me from what I can’t see

Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe

Somebody’s prayin’ for me.

Well, I’ve walked through barren wilderness

Where my pillow was a stone

And I’ve been through the darkest caverns

Where no light had ever shown.

Still I went on ’cause there was someone

Who was down on their knees

And Lord, I thank you for those people

Prayin’ all this time for me.

Today’s Promise to consider: Whether I believe in the power of prayer or not, today I will send forth into the universe positive thoughts and energy for my loved one and all those who are suffering. I will bombard the heavens with requests for love and strength.

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Nov 13, 2014

A RECOVERING COMMUNITY: SAN PATRIGNANO

by libbycataldi under Recovery

I visited San Patrignano, a recovery community in Rimini, Italy, for four days last week, where 1,500 people are in residence, all committed to learning how to live a full and healthy life without drugs. The community was started in 1978 by Vincenzo Muccioli, and the program requires a commitment of three to five years, is free to the person and to tax payers, teaches each person to work in one of fifty sectors (graphics, cooking, woodshop, building, plumbing, weaving, design) and has a documented recovery rate of 73 percent after three years of exiting the community (three studies completed the University of Bologna). There are many models for recovery, and this is one.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5F-Gz9iDAA)

(http://www.sanpatrignano.org/en)

My reflection: When Jeff was in active addiction, he refused the option of San Patrignano. “Three to five years,” he said incredulously. “You’ve got to be kidding.” When I told a publicist in New York City about San Patrignano’s model, she said dismissively, “No one cares what they do in Italy. We are the United States.” Jeff was in 12 different short and long-term treatment centers in the United States over a 14-year period.

Today’s Promise to consider: There are many models for recovering from drugs and alcohol. Education is critical. Learning about different models for long-term care might help save my loved one’s life. I can’t force my loved one into recovery, but I can learn about and offer him options.

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