Nonna with grandbaby Iysa
A dad wrote: I would be mindful of that precious time when your child is attempting to stay clean. There is no way to be sure if he or she will stay in recovery so take extra care to value and enjoy each moment of his sobriety. Take pictures, enjoy the love, the hugs, the smiles. Please do not focus on your fears.
My personal reaction to this entry: This dad’s reminder to focus on the precious moments is critical. I remember when Jeff was three years old and he crawled onto my lap as I was writing an article for a research journal. I continued to write, immersed in my thoughts, until he touched my face and said, “Where are you, Mommy? How come you don’t hug me?”
Today’s Promise to consider: I will take the time to cherish each precious moment of this day. I will look into the eyes of those I love, hug them, listen to them and let them know how important they are to me.
Dear Libby,
I love you so much! This week’s message was perfect timing for me! My daughter (the only child I have left) and my granddaughter are coming to visit me for a week. They’re coming in this Saturday. I promise I will cherish every moment we have together.
At the time of my son’s death, I was so distraught that I failed to give my daughter the support she may have needed. I was so consumed in my grief, I pushed everyone out and suffered a nervous breakdown.
I have the rest of my life to make it up to my daughter, and while they’re here, I will take pictures, give hugs, and most of all let her and my granddaughter know how much I love them.
Thanks to you and all who participate in this forum. You all have helped me recover from the horrible devastation of losing a child to addiction. All of you help ease the pain.
Libby, I just love the picture of you and your granddaughter. I am going to take lots of pictures next week!
All my love,
Barbara
Barbara,
so sorry for your loss. I am fearful I am losing my son to addiction and it is a horrible place to be. He overdosed for the third time over the weekend and had been clean for four months. We didn’t see this one coming at all, he relapsed and nearly killed himself. We will start back his recovery and try to support him. Any advice you have would be appreciated on how you dealt with this. I also am headed to a breakdown, spent yesterday at the dr for myself. He is precious to me and I try to enjoy his sobriety while it is here, I hope I have a lot more to come.
Kim
Thank you both Barbara, and Kim and especially Libby of course, I can’t write this without thanking Jeff, he has taught me so much through his story, Libby for sharing it with us and you two ladies for also sharing your stories as well…. As I still walk the path of this journey in my sons additcion and self medication journey, all of your stories give me strength to know I’m not alone and hope, too…. Each day, I love and express my love and try to give my undivided attention to my two other sons and the son who fights his demons… I give him love hoping that it helps lift him up in strenght for his battle…. It is a blessing that I found Libby and Jeff’s book and therefore to this site and to all of you who share… Thank you seems so small in how much it helps me! Love to you all <3
Libby you have the look of love holding your grand baby it’s precious, just like our kids are, my son is on the recovery road, it’s rocky, I am here for him forever, he knows that, I will stay close. I am thankful he has come this far, He is precious to me and my heart,I will keep him close” Thank you. GOD BLESS?
Dear Kim, I wish I had some answers. Addiction destroys our spirit. It consumes the addict, the parents and all who is close to him. The only thing I know for sure is, (as Libby always says), stay close. Stay as close as you can without destroying yourself and your family.
While my son was in recovery, I supported him and reiterated over and over how proud I was, of him. When he relapsed, I didn’t give him money and I stayed as close as I could. He didn’t remember most of that part, since he was clouded with drugs.
I kept my faith and prayed for the strength to savor the remaining years. Life is too short not to. With the help from God, people like Libby and this forum, and anti-depressants, I found resolve. I also find solace in the fact that my son no longer has to suffer from this horrible disease. It’s what I have to hold on to.
Dear Leslie, you’re right, It is a blessing that I found Libby and Jeff’s book, and consequently, this site. We are definitely not alone.
I appreciate also appreciate the very personal sharing from all of you. It means so much to me.
Thank you for reminding us to thank Jeff. I’ve learned so much from him and Libby.
With much love to all,
Barbara
Not much to say tonight except I pray for the entire group of us in the world suffering with this disease. Barbara you give me strength through your grace. Peace to all of you, God please guide all of us and keep our loved ones in your embrace.
Good night to all of you.
Dear Libby, hope you are ok. I’m praying for you.
Dear Barbara,
Thanks for thinking of me and for praying for me. I’ve been remiss in writing because my mom had an operation and I’ve been ‘staying close.’ I was with her for several weeks, but now she is back at home living independently and doing well. She’s ninety-one years old and 82 pounds and a fighter! I’m grateful.
I was delighted to read that your daughter and granddaughter were with you. What a joy! I hope it was a beautiful time together. You deserve only the best.
I feel very close to you and love you for taking care of us all :). You care about us and we care about you. What a tribute to hope and love.
Thanks for staying close. Sending you my love and best wishes, always.
Libby
Hi,
I have just been given the name of the book Stay Close. My 17 year old son will come home next week after being in treatment for the the first time for 100 days. I am anxious, and still working through grief. Deep grief that I cannot fully define. I am so grateful for everyone’s stories. I find comfort here. I welcome any advice for the coming months of adjustment from you that have walked this path. Darby
Dear Darby,
Welcome. We are glad you are here and that you reached out. No matter how long we’ve been dealing with addiction or what our experiences, we are still learning. You are not alone.
For me, the clearest remembrance of Jeff’s return after treatment is that I was afraid and anxious, but he was, too! Somehow, I didn’t realize how tough it was for him to reenter our family, look into our eyes and try to ‘fit’ agin. Jeff was terrified, but I didn’t realize it. I wish I would have listened more and been more patient. I thought he was ‘healed’ and I expected the same Jeff, our Jeff, to come home. But how could he be the same Jeff? He had to relearn how to be a ‘normal’ person and to live life again. Jeff once told a young addict, “I didn’t know myself anymore. I didn’t even know what color I liked. Drugs defined me and now I had to define myself.”
Stay close to him and be patient. With love and in hope,
Libby
Thank you Libby:)
Love is such a healing force, and one that I hope will keep us all connected on this new journey. I am so thankful to have place to share my feelings. You are right, my son is anxious and we are too! The beautiful reality is 3 months ago we would not have been able to share this feeling and work through it. I have learned a wonderful saying,”Progression, not perfection.” I hope this will help others too.
Until next time,
Darby
I loved this entry so much. Memories of my son in recovery are part of what give me hope for his future. Not only did I enjoy him tremendously, but he experienced how great he could be. Hopefully he learned sobriety and recovery have to come first. I’m thankful he has another chance. I read earlier today of a young man who relapsed after 15 months and died from an overdose. As long as they’re alive there’s hope! : ) Libby, I’m so glad your mom is better! Barbara, hi! It’s always great to see you here. : ) Traci
Dear Traci, Good to hear from you. Relapse happens and Dr MacAfee, Jeff’s therapist, says that it’s part of recovery. Addiction is cruel and heartless and suffocates life. During times of relapse and heartbreak, it’s hard to stay close, but if we give up hope, we give up. As Jeremy, my younger son, once said, “No one knows what will happen with Jeff, but no one can take away our hope.” Love to you, Traci!
TODAY IS ANOTHER NEW HILL TO CLIMB. MY DAUGHTER IS IN JAIL..WANTS BAIL MONEY AND I AM DONE!!!! SHE HAS A COURT CASE NEXT WEEK, SO SHE WILL SPEND A WEEK IN JAIL! I HAVE TO DO THE “TOUGH LOVE” THIS IS VERY HARD! I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING IS RIGHT BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH…SHE HAS BEEN IN AND OUT OF REHABS 9 TIMES IN 4YRS. I HAVE TO STOP! I CALL HER EVERYDAY THAT SHE IS USING JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE IS ALIVE AND TO TELL HER I LOVE HER AND I AM WAITING FOR HER TO GET BETTER(STAYING CLOSE)!!! I JUST PRAY FOR THIS TO HAPPEN…I READ THE BOOK ABOUT 3YRS AGO I MIGHT HAVE TO GET IT OUT AGAIN AND READ IT OVER. THANK YOU FOR LISTEN TO ME…GOD BLESS AND HAVE KRISTEN IN YOUR PRAYS!
Traci
My heart aches for you right now. I was in that position last spring myself. It was a rough week but we had to stay strong and say I’m sorry, I will not bail you out but I will pray for you.He stayed in jail 1 week and called everyday. He had had a dui. We did not hire a lawyer, he got legal aide. He is still appearing for court dates over this and they were tough with him too. Stay strong. Stay close in spirit if it is possible if not detachment is ok too. You are in my thoughts
Jane
Dear Traci,
I join Jane and all of us in staying close to you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this nightmare. When I first came to Italy and the recovering alcoholic told me to Stay Close, but don’t give him money, I did that. Jeff called every day, begging for money, a credit card, a check and finally “anything negotiable.” I took his calls, but my answer was “I love you, but it’s your turn to fight. You need to find the strength inside you. If not, you’ll die.”
Maybe this video that Jeff and I made will give you some hope: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2O7fCRRx0I&feature=related
Jeff’s words are telling, “In the end, my mom became suspiciously calm.”
Our love to you.
L
THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! I GOT THREW TODAY HER COURT DATE IS NEXT WEEK SO SHE WILL STAY IN JAIL FOR A WEEK…THEN WHAT ??? SHE CAN’T COME HOME SHE HAS TO DO THIS HER SELF…WHAT DO I DO ? NOTHING? JUST MOVE ON? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTION? BUT I GUESS THE ANSWER IS TO JUST “STAY CLOSE”! RIGHT?
Dear Traci,
You’re right – there are no ‘for sure’ answers with addiction or at least I’ve never found any. The only advice I’ve found that worked for Jeff was to ‘stay close.’ It’s hard to do, to stay close but out of the way. The answers have to come from the addict. Jeff says that HE had to choose. He once told me, “I never meant to hurt you, but you weren’t even in my thoughts. I’m an addict.”
Jeff knew that home was waiting for him once he got clean. HE had to do the work. Thank the Lord he did. I pray that he continues, one day at a time.
I have no advice, but I do have prayers. You and your daughter are in my prayers. You are not alone.
L
L