Communication Archives - Page 12 of 12

Oct 6, 2011

KEEP COMING BACK

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, family

A mother wrote to me: I went to my first Nar-Anon meeting last Tuesday and am going back tomorrow evening. Just in the 60+ minutes that I was there, I felt a new sense of freedom and energy this past week. No one understands completely what it’s like to have an addicted loved one except for those who are living that experience themselves.

My reflection on the above passage: This reminds me of the saying, “Don’t judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.” In Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, we know the walk of the people in the rooms and we listen without judgment because we’ve been there. Maybe this is true with any trauma. I know that when I had breast cancer I found comfort talking with other people who understood what I was going through.

Today’s Promise to Consider: I will share my feelings, fears and pain with others who have walked in my shoes. I’ll keep coming back to Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.

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Sep 29, 2011

IN CHURCH BASEMENTS: 1999 and 2011

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Hope, Libby Cataldi, Recovery

My journal entry, February 23, 1999, 6:45 am: I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night, and I found a peace that has eluded me. I’m truly amazed that my soul quieted there, in the basement of a church. What made the difference? I heard such pain from others, and I listened intently as to how they are struggling to survive. I saw in their eyes a determination to get healthy, their intense love for their alcoholic or addict, and true compassion for each other. Yes, something happened last night. Many of them have worse pain than I, and all seem to struggle with similar issues – worry, fear and detachment. I can find strength in their strength. Maybe I’ve been searching for someone to give me strength. Maybe I can find strength and comfort in Al-Anon and ultimately in myself.

An Open Letter to Chrissy and Lisa, September 28, 2011, 4:47 PM: Thanks for reaching out to me and inviting me to your Al-Anon meetings. Your generosity of spirit and your compassion touched me.

So what is it that keeps me coming back? When I look around the room, I see people who understand where I’ve been and how I’ve suffered. When I share our story, people look at me with understanding. When I leave, I don’t feel stripped and vulnerable, but I feel elevated, heard and supported.

Magic happens in these Al-Anon meetings. Here we find hope. I’m remain a grateful member of Al-Anon.

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Aug 18, 2011

DIALOGUE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Dialogue, family, meditation, Recovery

The son of a recovering addict wrote: My mom found her sobriety after she had me. She said that she wanted a better life for herself and for me. She told the story of how she tried to walk out of rehab the first night when a big fella named Norman put his hand on her shoulder and turned her around. I remember thinking because Norman was a giant dude that he was able to keep my mom in rehab and that we were lucky for that.

Norman and my mom remained friends. He would come over to the house for coffee and they would talk. Now that I am older I understand that we were lucky, not for Norman’s size, but that he was able to start a dialogue with mom that kept her in rehab and it was constant throughout her recovery. Mom lived the rest of her life continuing that dialogue with other addicts, getting them into rehab and guiding them through recovery, just as Norman did for her.

My reflection on the passage: Jeff says, “Anything that shuts down dialogue is dangerous.” The young man above and I think this is absolutely correct. Honest communication is critical in recovery and in life. The Big Book says that recovery can be found only in rigorous honesty.

Today’s Promise to Consider: Open and honest dialogue is an essential first step is achieving healthy relationships with others and with ourselves. The young man above wrote, “Dialogue is to an addict’s recovery as fire is to man’s survival. Without it I wouldn’t have had a sober mom.”

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Aug 11, 2011

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, Hope

The Partnership for Drug Free America launched a campaign dedicated to the 11 million teens and young adults who are struggling with drug and alcohol problems and to the families who struggle alongside them. More than 85 million Americans have been directly impacted by addiction. You Are Not Alone aims to reduce the barriers that stand in the way of families getting their children the effective treatment and recovery support they deserve.

We thank the Partnership for giving us an opportunity to be involved in helping them help others like us.

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Aug 4, 2011

MOTHERS AND OUR CHILDREN

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, family, meditation

A father wrote to me. This is part of it: Our son is a methamphetamine addict. Fortunately for our family, my wife and I are still together and my son is doing well halfway into his fourth year of being clean. Mothers are so loving, so strong and so caring. However, those wonderful qualities, in my opinion, can be enabling when dealing with an addict.

My response to the passage: Mothers might enable more frequently than fathers, but I’m not sure. What I am sure about is that all family members are affected by their child’s addiction. The addiction steals into our home and takes a place among us, destroying our relationships and laughing at our powerlessness. If parents communicate well and work together for the good of their addicted child, everyone benefits.

Today’s Promise: I will listen to my spouse and respect her feelings. I will listen to my child and be present for him. I recognize that we are all in pain and suffering together, but each in his own way.

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Jun 30, 2011

Breaking Patterns of Behavior

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, family, Jeremy

A young woman who is recovering from an eating disorder wrote to me: This is the first difficult time in my life that I have not been ‘drawn’ back into some form of self-defeating eating pattern! So in that sense it is the BEST difficult time because it is the first time I haven’t felt ‘PANGS’ of guilt or self dislike (or in more extreme cases self loathing). Of course, I’m aware that the pattern will raise its head again, but I am working to stay self aware and to keep letting it flow so that I don’t get pulled back.

My reflection on the passage: Patterns of behavior are hard to break, not just with an addiction but in life. When problems get too complicated for me, I tend to become more demanding, more like my father who was a Marine Corps Drill Sergeant. Being aware is the first step. When I slip, I need to make amends to others and to myself.

Today’s Promise: I will continue to develop an observing eye – that part of me that carefully watches how I respond to situations. I can break my old patterns of behavior with self awareness, honest conversations with others about my feelings, hard work and prayer.

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