Hope Archives - Page 13 of 16

Jul 4, 2012

EVERYDAY GRATEFUL

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, Hope, Jeremy

Granddaughter Iysa and Papa/Son Jeremy

A grandmother wrote to me, On especially hectic mornings, when I’m trying to get out of the house and my grandbabies to daycare, I think God stops me and slows me down so that I take the time to watch my grandson run to the front door and tell me, “I really run fast,” and let my granddaughter “do it myself” as she puts on her jacket. Even if it takes an extra five minutes, she is so proud to say, “I did it.”

I look back and wonder did I take this time with my own children or was I so busy with work, cleaning house, homework, what have you. Knowing now what I know about addiction and serenity (thanks to Al-Anon), I take the time to enjoy my grandchildren each and every day, especially during the crazy hectic times.

My thoughts: Each day is precious, but often life’s pressures pound away at the present, and I think, “I’ll hug him later,” or “I’ll talk with her tomorrow.” There are memories that are forever stamped into my heart of Jeff running around in his Superman cape or Jeremy covered with mud carrying his treasures of frog eggs and salamanders found in the stream. My sons are now men and I can’t change the past, but I can hold onto my memories and make new ones.

Today’s Promise to consider: I’m not the perfect Mom or Nonna, but maybe there is no such thing as perfect. I can only be the best I can be. I’ll forgive myself for the times I wasn’t there, and today I will be there for my children and grandchildren. I will cherish every moment.

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Jun 21, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE USING STOPS: PART 2

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope, meditation

Uncle Jeff and niece Iysa

A mom asks Dr. MacAfee: I understand what you write, “Recovery is always an individual endeavor and also requires a supportive community.” I also know how hard it has been to love my son unconditionally through all the rehabs, failed attempts, restarts, continued use and damage to relationships. My husband and I are trying hard to support his current attempt at recovery. I know the road is very difficult for the addict and my heart breaks for my son, but I also have a broken heart for the rest of us. So much healing is needed. How does healing happen?

Dr. MacAfee responds: We all want healing to be an end game, but it doesn’t happen that way. Healing comes a layer at a time. For some, healing is totally dependent on the sobriety of the addict and this highlights the difference between helping and enabling.

To the mom above, you might say to your child, “I have discovered that there is only room for one of us in your addiction. I have decided to leave you in charge of the consequences of your addiction. Ironically, I find this decision both terrifying and liberating, but also healing. I want you to be whole again and I fear all our help has stood in your way. It’s hard for me to face my getting out of your way, but I realize that it is healing for you, too.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close, love my child and not abandon him, but I will get out of the way of the chaos of his addiction. My peace will come from knowing that I’ve done everything I could have done. I will endure and pray.

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May 30, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: PART 3

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Dialogue, family, Hope

Click on image to view video

Cathy Hull from Treatmenttalk.org shared a link COLLISION COURSE: TEEN ADDICTION EPIDEMIC. This video has been nominated for an Emmy Award and posts, “Teen substance abuse is one of America’s top public health problems and can devastate our youth and their families.”

My thoughts: This video signifies the growing awareness of substance abuse and calls for a change in education and public policy to recognize the truth of the escalating problem of drug addiction, especially among teens. Although the film is 26-minutes long and many of you won’t have the time to view it in its entirety (or at all), we celebrate the hope for teens to live a life with addiction.

Today’s Promise to consider: As Dr. MacAfee says, “We need to take addiction out of the shadows and into the light where it can be healed.” This documentary and other efforts are doing just that. Let’s keep this light alive.

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May 24, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: PART 2

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

Beth and Kenny

A mom wrote to me: My son has 14 months drug free and I am so proud of the strength and courage he has demonstrated in changing his life and managing his disease. I’ve shared my heartache with you before, and I knew you would share in my happiness.

A couple of weeks ago, I awoke to find the following text message from him. I asked his permission to share it with you. He agreed knowing it can offer hope to other parents.

U had the biggest part in getting me sober. I’m so sorry for the years of pain I caused u. to some extent it was the disease but it was me for the most part. I’m in such a good place in my sobriety. I finally have some direction in life and it feels good. Rehab was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do but it was the best thing I ever did. there’s no way to change the past but the future looks bright. I love u so much. Ur my favorite person and my biggest fan.

My reaction: These are the messages that keep parents staying close. We hold hope that one day our children will find their way to sobriety. We remain humble, knowing it’s one day at a time, but for today, in these moments, we are grateful.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will be my child’s biggest fan. I will celebrate his good qualities and achievements, and let her know how much she is loved.

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May 17, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: Part I

by libbycataldi under Hope, Jeff, Recovery, Stay Close

Jeff and his friend Reneé

A recovering addict wrote to me: In reading the responses of the parents of addicts on your blog, I am truly moved by the love, acceptance and understanding that you have. I was not fortunate enough to have parents that were understanding or willing to stand by me through the depths of my addiction and the struggle that I underwent to find my way alone was almost insurmountable. As a friend of Jeff’s, it makes me very happy to see that he, as well as others of your respective children, have had that support. Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you.

My response: I feel humbled when I read this young woman’s words: Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you. When Jeff was in active addiction, there were many times I wanted to walk away because I was filled with anger, hurt and deep grief. I’m grateful that I learned the concept Stay Close.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close to my loved ones. I know that I can’t ‘fix’ them or change the situations in their lives, but I can stand by them with my emotional support and assure them that I will never quit believing.

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May 2, 2012

NEVER GIVING UP HOPE

by libbycataldi under Hope, Jeremy, Recovery, Siblings, Stay Close

Jeremy asked me (May, 2009): “How will you end the story about Jeff?”

I admitted, “I don’t know, Jer. It’s not my story to end.”

His answer was clear, “But that’s the point. We don’t know what will happen to Jeff, but no one can ever take away our hope. You have to end the story in hope.”

And we did.

My reaction today: Jeremy was wise. In the midst of Jeff’s fight against his addiction, Jeremy, the younger brother, knew that we could never give up hope. He held tightly to this even when my resolve faltered. Jeremy helped me to be strong.

Today’s Promise to consider: Jeff is healthy today and our family is deeply grateful. We are humble as we continue to learn and grow each day. Jeremy taught me that hope is a powerful source of strength.

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Apr 18, 2012

RELAPSE and COURAGE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Forgiveness, Hope, Jeff, Relapse, Stay Close

A mother writes: My son is still on the revolving road to recovery. He has been in detox three times, rehab (both inpatient and outpatient), in a sober house, involved in AA with a sponsor and is presently trying the suboxone route with individual counseling. My heart is broken, but I will find my courage.

My reaction to the above: The addict must learn to live in abstinence and that’s a new and scary place for him. He knows how to live in addiction, but abstinence requires skills that are foreign to him.

Relapse happened often to my son. I understood in a deeper way when Jeff wrote about a friend who relapsed, “I know that place. He was in pain, and it was too much. He used to kill it. Then he needs to keep using because the addiction has kicked in. An addict loses all sense of free will; you’re thrown back into the space of obsession, of always needing something more. I’m sure he’s scared and confused.”

Today’s Promise to Consider: Relapse scares me as a mom, but I will remember that it’s also frightening for my loved one. Learning to live in abstinence is his goal. Having the courage to stay close is mine.

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Apr 11, 2012

LEARNING THROUGH SUFFERING (Part 3)

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Forgiveness, Hope

Our family is growing and learning, for ourselves and for baby Iysa.

A mother wrote to me: My daughter, addicted to heroin when she was fifteen, is still struggling with her recovery at eighteen. I can distinctly remember my response to crisis and insanity: justification, enabling, making excuses, detaching, not detaching, hurt, anger, love, hate and feelings that I had failed as a mother.

Working my program through Al-Anon has shown me that I can be a leader, an example and a student, all at the same time. I am not expected to be perfect. I am learning to judge people less often, enjoy moments of appreciation for little things, connect with and delight in nature, give and receive unconditional love, pray for people who make me angry, instead of yelling – sometimes!, be grateful often, and acknowledge that I’ve been blessed. I am thankful for my growth in Al-Anon.

My reaction to the above: When faced with an addiction or any trauma, it’s hard to stay grateful, but this mother’s words reinforce what Dr. MacAfee and Dr. Grant say: Suffering can be redemptive and transformative.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will be grateful for this day and I will accept hardship as an opportunity to grow. If I slip, it’s OK. I’m not expected to be perfect and I can try again. Learning is a lifetime journey.

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Apr 4, 2012

SUFFERING: A CONVERSATION (PART 2)

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope

Continued reading after my conversation with Dr. MacAfee: Dr. MacAfee recommended reading, “Trauma, Addiction and Spirituality,” by Robert Grant, Ph.D. In fact, he mailed it to me. Dr. Grant writes, “I’m interested in authentic suffering. I don’t try to take it away from people. It’s often the only thing powerful enough to keep them on the journey of transformation.”

What does one learn from trauma?: Dr. Grant continues, “One thing (we learn), and this is something that addicts know from their substance abuse support groups, is that we are not in complete control of our lives. We are limited and finite. Secondly, there are no guarantees in life. This is in spite of how hard one works…Things can go wrong. (Thirdly), there is no security in an absolute sense….everything can be taken away in an instant. I believe in the power of redemptive or legitimate suffering.”

Today’s thought to consider: Dr. Grant offers, “There are only two things that matter: the care and love of other people, and a connection to ‘something greater than ourselves.’”

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Mar 28, 2012

SUFFERING: A CONVERSATION (PART 1)

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Forgiveness, Hope

A personal conversation: I called Dr. MacAfee, Jeff’s addiction therapist, to talk about suffering. I had received an email from a mom in which I interpreted her as saying, “Quit suffering. And quit complaining about suffering. You need to learn from it.” I felt confused about my own suffering, especially with Jeff’s addiction. Was I not ‘allowed’ to suffer or feel the constant heartache? I needed help putting things together.

Dr. MacAfee’s response: Life is suffering. Until we get this concept, we can’t move on. Although days are filled with many beautiful moments, suffering is part of life. The question is not how do we live without pain, but how do we allow suffering to transform us. Suffering can be redemptive and transform us into a better person. The problem is when we get mired in our own suffering, then it becomes nonproductive. Acceptance of pain allows it to pass through us. Trauma and pain are paradigm shifts.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will put forth the effort to work through my suffering, my pain. I will allow the trauma to help me to grow. Suffering can be both the cross and the resurrection.

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