VOICES OF FRIENDS: PART 2

Beth and Kenny

A mom wrote to me: My son has 14 months drug free and I am so proud of the strength and courage he has demonstrated in changing his life and managing his disease. I’ve shared my heartache with you before, and I knew you would share in my happiness. 

A couple of weeks ago, I awoke to find the following text message from him. I asked his permission to share it with you. He agreed knowing it can offer hope to other parents. 

U had the biggest part in getting me sober. I’m so sorry for the years of pain I caused u.  to some extent it was the disease but it was me for the most part.  I’m in such a good place in my sobriety.  I finally have some direction in life and it feels good.  Rehab was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do but it was the best thing I ever did.  there’s no way to change the past but the future looks bright.  I love u so much.  Ur my favorite person and my biggest fan.

My reaction: These are the messages that keep parents staying close. We hold hope that one day our children will find their way to sobriety. We remain humble, knowing it’s one day at a time, but for today, in these moments, we are grateful.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will be my child’s biggest fan. I will celebrate his good qualities and achievements, and let her know how much she is loved.

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Pat Nichols
10 years ago

This is one of the keys to everyone’s recovery.

I just finished production of a video for the non profit parents support group I am involved with; it is only 4 min. long but listen to the daughter (in recovery now) and the advice she gives parents at the very end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0ccV5TPQqw

I would love to hear your comments.

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Pat,
Your video is powerful and your Parents Helping Parents support is a life line for many. Bless you! Keep doing what you’re doing.
L

Cathy | Treatment Talk
10 years ago

Hi Libby,

This post is so powerful. I love to hear the messages from kids who have been through recovery and what we can learn from them. Thanks for sharing!

Katherine
Katherine
10 years ago

Pat,
Very nice video, well done. Yes, at the end with the daughters advise, it truely is the key. After watching, I wish that parent group was near me.

Jane
Jane
10 years ago

pat,
Thank you for posting that. Support groups like PHP are crucial lifelines for us!. This is powerful, and waht the young lady in recovery said hit me. It was what I needed to hear tonight. My son is just finished with a detox of 6 days and is back in AA tonight and back in our house as of last night because he wants to get better and agreed to our terms. I pray that this is the time he does it and stays for the long haul. Of course, I said to myself am I crazy signing up for this again? But we are trying to stay close and support his efforts at recovery without enabling. He was living in a basement that kept flooding, no lights or electricity or bathroom (ugh) That plus heavy use made him see he wanted a better life so he is attempting again. Thank you Pat. Hearing her 1 line made me feel better.
Jane

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Pat, thanks for posting the video. You are helping all of us by sharing it. I could see the honesty in the girl’s voice and face at the end of the video. How powerful!

Dear Jane, prayers are answered. Your son is in recovery and I pray this will be his last effort to feel “real” life again and continue his road to sobriety. Your son is so fortunate to have a mother who is caring, supportive and compassionate.

Dear Libby, the text that you posted was also very powerful. I can remember all the letters my son wrote to me saying the same things when he was in recovery. I know in my heart that he meant what he said. I think my son would be alive today if only he would have faithfully embraced his support groups. Support is the lifeline to addiction. And, your support is a lifeline to my own healing. Thanks to all of you, here.

God Bless all of you.

Barbara

Jane
Jane
10 years ago

Yes Libby we are so humbled by this disease and pray our children work their way back to recovery. It saddens me tremendously to know that Barbara and my good friend in Al Anon have lost their children to this disease. It is ever present in my mind that that could easily be me too. If only they can embrace AA or another support group for the long haul. I can only pray that that will be my sons outcome but I have also learned not to plan foe outcomes. I will do my part to stay close and support without planning for an outcome
Peace to all of you
With love
Jane

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Jane, thank you for your kind words of support. What you said at the end of your posting “I will do my part to stay close and support without planning for an outcome” is such powerful good advice. It’s very difficult to do, but necessary for your own survival.

Peace to you, too.

With love and respect,
Barbara

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Jane and Barbara, Your words are very powerful and come from a place of wisdom. I remember clearly when Jeff was most sick and I knew there was nothing I could do. I remember clearly verbalizing the words that he could die. I knew it was coming if he didn’t change. I remember surrendering – that’s the word I used in prayer – surrendering to the disease. I prayed something like, “Dear Lord, I know there is nothing can do to save my son because I’ve tried everything. Please give me the peace to surrender to whatever will be. Please give me the strength to chose to change.” I never gave up hope, but I surrendered. Maybe, as Barbara writes, this was for my own survival. There comes a time when we know, in our souls, that we can’t fight the addiction for them. As much as we want to save them, all we can do is love them.

My love to you,

L

Jane
Jane
10 years ago

Yes Libby. I have prayed those same sentences. That is the power of our support groups like this blog-we so get it-we understand eachothers pain and path. Peace and serenity to all of you reading this.
Jane

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Jane, you are so right. I am comforted knowing that you prayed the same prayer. Thanks for telling me. Maybe surrendering is the only thing we can do when we can do no more. Love to you.

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

Dear Jane and Libby, I’ve prayed those same sentences, too. I think you’re right, Libby. Surrendering is the only thing we can do when we can do no more. I know, because I surrendered. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

This blog is so powerful. We learn so much from each others’ words. And, they are not just “words”. They are feelings from our hearts and life lessons that turn into wisdom. I thank you all for sharing this wisdom. When wisdom is accepted, it can help heal our souls.

Dear Pat, I want you to know that I pray for you and your son every day. I feel your pain. I pray your son will find the strength, within himself, to find sobriety. I also pray, that you can find the will to stay close. It’s so very difficult.

Dear Jane, I want you to know that you are very close to my heart and will stay there forever.

Dear Traci, if you’re reading this week’s meditation, I hope that everything went well with your daughter and her court hearing. I pray she will get help from the halfway house and continue with her recovery. I pray that you will have the strength to go through it all.

Love to all of you,
Barbara

Barbara
Barbara
10 years ago

I just want to say thank you to Beth and Kenny for their picture. What a beautiful picture!

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Barbara, Thanks so much for staying close and for loving us all. I can feel your warmth through your words. Life isn’t fair and you have suffered the greatest loss possible. I know that, for today, I’m lucky and I pray that tomorrow Jeff continues to choose sobriety. There are no guarantees with addiction. We’ll keep each other in prayer.

Love you!!!

TRACI
TRACI
10 years ago

DEAR BARB THEY RESCHUDLED IT FOR JUNE BUT SHE HAS CHECKED OUT OF THE HOUSE…NOT SURE WERE SHE IS ..SHE SAID SHE NEED TO GET AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN ONLY PRAY ALOT NOW SHE IS IN GODS HAND!!! I AM REALLY TRYING TO STAY CLOSE BUT SOOOOO MAD RIGHT NOW! I JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON BUT YOU KNOW THAT IS NOT EASY….BUT THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR WORDS I READ THEY DO HELP ME…MY SON IS CLEAN FOR 14 MONTHS AND HE HAS KEEP ME GOING SO PROUD OF HIM…THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!!!!!!!

Gina DeCosimo
Gina DeCosimo
10 years ago

Dear Pat,

Thank you for sharing your video, it was excellent. I Would love to start a chapter of Parents Helping Parents in my area.

Libby Cataldi
10 years ago

Gina, This is a GREAT idea. We grow and learn and support each other! Thanks, Pat, for inspiring us.

TRACI
TRACI
10 years ago

I TO WOULD LOVE TO START A PARENTS HELPING PARENTS IN MY AREA…GOD IS LEADING ME TO DO SOMETHING..NEED MORE INFO ON THIS.

Libby
Libby
10 years ago

Traci, This is a wonderful idea. You want to give back and help. God bless you!
Pat, you’re leading by your role model. Love you all!!!
L