Jeff Archives - Page 5 of 6

Sep 6, 2012

VOICES OF RECOVERY, PART 4

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Jeff, Jeremy, Siblings

Brothers

A recovering addict wrote to me: Addiction seems to be the epidemic of our world today destroying not only the addict, but also everyone around him. I read about Jeremy’s pain and frustration, and see my little brother’s hurt and inner battle. But the message is still hope. We are not alone. Ironic that a disease that is afflicting millions of people is a disease that isolates us. It does this because the one true defense, the true power against addiction, is standing together, walking together and holding each other as we trip and stumble.

My thought: These words strike me as true. Dr. MacAfee says it another way, “Only by taking addiction out of the darkness where it does its best work and into the light can it be healed.” Addiction thrives by isolating the addict and his family. If the addict keeps the secret, he keeps the addiction. Only by standing together in honesty, holding hands and working together, can we fight this disease.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will not keep the secret of addiction. I will not isolate myself in shame, stigma and silence. I will fight against addiction for my loved one and myself.

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Aug 2, 2012

NEVER QUIT BELIEVING

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Jeff

A mom wrote to me: I remember the words Jeff told to you, “Never quit believing Mom…….” These words are what made me then and will again stay close to my son. I find peace in continuing to believe, and I’ll draw on personal strength and resolve. I’ll reach out to my support system because isolation is the enemy.

My reaction: I, too, remember these words, and they became a guidepost for me. I wrote, “My son…was a chameleon, but I felt strongly that he would never lose the inner flame of his humanity. Maybe this was just a mother’s wishful thinking, but I held to this belief – and never quit believing. With all this said, I wondered if he would do the work necessary to place himself in sobriety and come home to his one, true self.” In the end, he did.

Today’s Promise to consider: When life gets too hard, too tough, and when the next step seems too heavy, I won’t give up. I’ll find my strength, reach out my hand to a brother or sister, trust God and keep believing.

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Jul 26, 2012

CELEBRATING SIX YEARS SOBER

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Hope, Jeff, Recovery

July 21, 2006: Jeff made the decision not to go back to an addicted life.

In the last chapter of Stay Close, I wrote: Jeremy once asked, “Momma, how will you end the story about Jeff?” I admitted, “I don’t know, Jer. It’s not my story to end.” His answer was clear, “But that’s the point. We don’t know what will happen to Jeff, but no one can ever take away our hope. You have to end the story in hope.” And we will.

Six years ago, Jeff made the decision to live a sober life and our family is deeply grateful. We remain humble, knowing that there is no finish line with the journey that is recovery, but we also know that gratitude and joy are essential parts of being alive. Celebrations are important.

Dear Jeff, We’re grateful you came home to yourself and to us. You had the courage to fight for your life, and your courage continues as you choose again each day. We learn from you. We learn from your strength, resolve, commitment and spirituality. You’ve accomplished much in these six years, and you have many dreams yet to achieve. Happy Anniversary, Jeff!

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May 17, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: Part I

by libbycataldi under Hope, Jeff, Recovery, Stay Close

Jeff and his friend Reneé

A recovering addict wrote to me: In reading the responses of the parents of addicts on your blog, I am truly moved by the love, acceptance and understanding that you have. I was not fortunate enough to have parents that were understanding or willing to stand by me through the depths of my addiction and the struggle that I underwent to find my way alone was almost insurmountable. As a friend of Jeff’s, it makes me very happy to see that he, as well as others of your respective children, have had that support. Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you.

My response: I feel humbled when I read this young woman’s words: Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you. When Jeff was in active addiction, there were many times I wanted to walk away because I was filled with anger, hurt and deep grief. I’m grateful that I learned the concept Stay Close.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close to my loved ones. I know that I can’t ‘fix’ them or change the situations in their lives, but I can stand by them with my emotional support and assure them that I will never quit believing.

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Apr 18, 2012

RELAPSE and COURAGE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Forgiveness, Hope, Jeff, Relapse, Stay Close

A mother writes: My son is still on the revolving road to recovery. He has been in detox three times, rehab (both inpatient and outpatient), in a sober house, involved in AA with a sponsor and is presently trying the suboxone route with individual counseling. My heart is broken, but I will find my courage.

My reaction to the above: The addict must learn to live in abstinence and that’s a new and scary place for him. He knows how to live in addiction, but abstinence requires skills that are foreign to him.

Relapse happened often to my son. I understood in a deeper way when Jeff wrote about a friend who relapsed, “I know that place. He was in pain, and it was too much. He used to kill it. Then he needs to keep using because the addiction has kicked in. An addict loses all sense of free will; you’re thrown back into the space of obsession, of always needing something more. I’m sure he’s scared and confused.”

Today’s Promise to Consider: Relapse scares me as a mom, but I will remember that it’s also frightening for my loved one. Learning to live in abstinence is his goal. Having the courage to stay close is mine.

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Dec 1, 2011

COURAGE

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Hope, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A dad wrote to me: Our children have to fight their addictions and win. We, as parents, will never know how hard their battles are or understand the strength they need. I think that anyone who has battled through addiction deserves a lot of credit.

My personal reaction: Dr MacAfee says, “Addiction is loss.” Recovery, he said, offered Jeff the space to rediscover his identity and, in time, the real Jeff would emerge. This was a journey that Jeff would have to do alone. I came to realize the enormity of the fight that he had to face in order to win his battle against addiction.

I once told Jeff, “You have a lot of courage to do this again.” He paused and then said quietly, almost to himself, “Courage? That’s a word rarely used with people like me. Yeah, it takes courage.”

Today’s Promise to Consider: Words like strength, courage, and hope are seldom used in the same sentence with addicts. My son and I faced journeys of despair and self-discovery. Courage: we both needed courage as we made decisions that would lead to our health and wholeness. My son chose to fight his addiction. I chose to fight my anxiety. We both chose to change.

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Nov 17, 2011

SOMEBODY’S PRAYING

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Jeff, Jeremy, Recovery

01 Somebody’s Praying

Grandmom Cataldi with Jeremy and Jeff

A mother wrote to me: I wonder how many prayers we have lifted up as moms of children in this journey? And how many prayers others have lifted up on our behalf in an effort to do something, anything to support our both tender and strong mother hearts. How many prayers are lifted up, especially during those times when there is no clear answer to, “What do I do?”

Time heals, the brain heals, our hearts heal…little by little. I’ve come to believe that ‘little by little’ turns out to be way bigger than we tend to give it credit. Hope fuels us through the hardest miles.

I’ve attached a song about prayer that I recorded for a friend who was going through a challenge a few years ago. It was written by John Elliot and the lyrics remind us how much comfort and strength come to us through those who never hesitate to ‘pray us along.’

Dedication: This mom and I offer you the song with our love. For me, I dedicate it to my mom who bombarded the heavens for Jeff. He was always in her prayers and in her heart. She is our prayer warrior. She prays us along – all of us, my brothers and their families, me and mine. She knows no other way. Thanks, Mom. We love you.

(Please click on the link above the photo 01 Somebody’s Praying to hear the song.)

Somebody’s prayin, I can feel it

Somebody’s prayin’ for me

Mighty hands are guiding me

To protect me from what I can’t see

Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe

Somebody’s prayin’ for me.

Angels are watchin’, I can feel it

Angels are watchin’ over me

There’s many miles ahead ’til I get home

Still I’m safely kept before your thrown

‘Cause Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe

Your angels are watchin’ over me.

Well, I’ve walked through barren wilderness

Where my pillow was a stone

And I’ve been through the darkest caverns

Where no light had ever shown.

Still I went on ’cause there was someone

Who was down on their knees

And Lord, I thank you for those people

Prayin’ all this time for me.

Somebody’s prayin’, I can feel it

Somebody’s prayin’ for me

Mighty hands are guiding me

To protect me from what I can’t see

Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe

Somebody’s prayin’ for me…

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Jul 20, 2011

Positive Role Models

by libbycataldi under Hope, Jeff, Libby Cataldi, Recovery

A mother wrote to me. This is part of it: My son is an alcoholic and just returned from Iraq. Today he is good and I pray that tomorrow will be the same. He is working his program in AA, and I am staying close to him and to my support group in Al-Anon. There are winners in recovery and it’s important for us to keep solid role models of hope out there, in front of us, to keep us all going.

My reflection on the passage above: It is important for us to see positive examples of recovery. I am on a rowing team of breast cancer survivors and we join together as a visible example that there is life after cancer.

My son says that there are “old timers” in AA who are sober and have lived in sobriety for years. They “keep coming back” to give hope, wisdom and support to others. I go to Al-Anon and look to our “old timers” who know my wounds and help me see the positive.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will look to the people who have survived the chaos of trauma and celebrate their successes. I will learn from them and try to be a positive role model to others in my life.

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Jun 8, 2011

DIALOGUE

by libbycataldi under Dialogue, family, Jeff, Jeremy, meditation, Recovery

A mother wrote to me: I talked with my son about what Jeff said – how the addict misses the chaos of his years of using. My son opened up to me about how much he agrees with this. He said that the drugs made him feel alive and now he feels like he’s just going through the motions. I appreciated his honesty and told him that I recognize and admire his courage to change, to talk about these things….and, of course, that I love him!

My reflection on the passage above: Jeff recently told me, “Anything that shuts down dialogue is dangerous. The silence keeps us isolated.”

Addiction thrives in the dark and needs to be brought out of the shadows and into a place of healing. When I was young, we didn’t talk about abortion, breast cancer or homosexuality. Today we talk openly about these issues and this brings hope.

Today’s Promise to consider: Open and honest dialogue takes courage. I will face the tough issues and fight for relationships with my loved ones and those for whom I care deeply. I will work with them to find a place of understanding and forgiveness.

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May 4, 2011

HOPE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Hope, Jeff

Jeff and Granddad Cataldi

A mother wrote me an email message. This is part of it: I am in the beginning throes of dealing with my son’s addiction to heroin. I was sure our love, hope and determination would help him put this in his past, but I now realize that his addiction is in our life, forever. It scares me to death. He is in his third treatment center in less than a year. My husband and I are discouraged, broke and afraid, but we will never give up hope.

My reflection on the above passage: We have very little control over much in life and no place is this more true than with our loved ones’ addictions and illnesses. Addiction suffocates the family and we feel fear, anger, discouragement, confusion, betrayal and unrelenting heartbreak.

We were sure that our love, hope and determination could make a difference in their lives. In time, we find out that we are powerless over far more than we’re comfortable accepting.

Today’s promise to consider: I will trust my Higher Power to provide for me and to keep my hope alive. There is a Tibetan expression that, “even if the rope breaks nine times, we must splice it back together a tenth time. Even if ultimately we do fail, at least there will be no feelings of regret.”

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