Our grandchild (Thanks to Mom Aeriona and younger son Papa Jeremy)

 A mother writes: My husband and I have tried everything, even letting our son stay in jail. I don’t know how our journey will end, but I pray that he will accept the help he so desperately needs. I feel such despair and such anger that this happening to us. What makes it worse is that he is a father to a beautiful seven-year-old little boy who I worry about all the time. He is such an innocent.

My personal reflection: Addiction brings entire families to their knees. We as parents struggle and we suffer doubly as we watch the trauma extend to our grandchildren who don’t deserve this turmoil. Addiction isn’t fair and stops at nothing but full destruction. The little children get caught in the chaos and someone needs to help them through their confusion.

Today’s Promise to Consider: I will stay close to the innocent ones and allow them to share their feelings. I will be strong for them and support them always, especially when their family systems are spiraling out of control.

A mother wrote to me: Finding balance has been perhaps the most difficult part of my learning process. So much was dependent on my own self-discovery and this was really intense for me, both as a mom and as an individual. But I know, now, that I would not trade one scary, treacherous mile. I can embrace with full-on joy that God, in His unfailing love and wisdom, has helped me hang in there and grow right alongside of my precious son.

My reflection on the above passage: Finding balance through any tragedy is difficult and I struggled with finding mine through Jeff’s addiction. Was I doing too much; was I not doing enough? For me, the answer came in the Italian alcoholic’s admonition to Stay Close: Jeff needed to feel the consequences of his addiction and I had to get out of the way yet keep my love and emotional support close at the same time.

Today’s Promise to Consider: Finding our balance takes time and hard work. I will remember to breathe, pray and learn. I will be compassionate with myself and my loved one.

A mother wrote to me: I picked up my son last Friday to go to his grandparents for the weekend. I suspected he was using, but in truth I knew he was using. Why didn’t I have a plan? Why didn’t I tell him to get out of the car and that he was not welcome to be with us? I have to set clear limits, communicate those limits to him and then stick to them. Why is that so difficult?

My response to the above passage: Boundaries keep us safe, yet I found them difficult to put into effect. Fear kept me locked in the gap: fear that I’d lose my son, fear that the boundary would hurt him, fear that I was too harsh and not a ‘good mother.’ But when I learned where I started and stopped, I was better able to be stronger for my son and my family.

Today’s Promise to Consider: “No” is a valid response. I’ll practice setting boundaries to keep myself and my addicted loved one safe. He needs to know what I can and will accept, and what I won’t. It’s only fair to him. Consistency and peace can be found by respecting my own boundaries.

A mother wrote to me: As I prepare for Hurricane Irene, I think about addiction as hurricane. It spirals out of control, spreads laterally affecting unforeseen victims and causing damage. We can prepare all we want, but we are powerless over it. We clear our decks of furniture (protect ourselves from addiction’s path), prepare with food and water (go to Al-Anon) and use common sense (educate ourselves). I have felt like a hostage to this disease.

A reflection on the above passage: Addiction creeps into our lives with just a whisper. Often we live in denial: We hear the forecast and the winds, but we are sure it will pass us by. Then the destruction starts and we find ourselves in the middle of a storm over which we have no control.

Today’s promise to consider: I can’t control addiction’s destruction, but I can join hands with others, pray, hope and stay close. With hard work, love and commitment, my loved one can live a productive life in abstinence. I pray that he chooses to fight for his own life. I cannot win this battle for him.

A mother wrote to me: I sat in an Al-Anon meeting last night and three people walked in: an adult male, a young adult female and a two-year-old child. We looked up as they entered and the man said “We are a family.” Just like that. They sat down and we opened our books to Step One.

My response to the above passage: Addiction is a family disease. Some research says that for every one addict, four others are directly affected. Then it spirals out and affects aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, coaches and friends. Addiction takes prisoners and wants to destroy our children and our families.

Today’s promise to consider: I understand that addiction is powerful, but we are a family and we can hold hands and stand together for our loved one. With prayer, hope and belief, we will win this battle. We will stay close.