A mom and grandmother wrote to me: When people at work talk about their kids and grandkids I feel myself die inside and hope they don’t ask me about mine because I feel such sadness, shame and embarrassment. I know my husband and I can’t let our son’s choices dictate our happiness, but I am finding it so hard to carry on with everyday life when I’m screaming inside with sadness and worry. Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time but I’m left wondering if my son is sleeping somewhere warm and if he’s safe. I feel despair.
My personal reaction: There are four words often used to describe addiction: Shame, Secrets, Stigma and Silence. I remember well praying that no one would ask me about Jeff because I didn’t know what to say. I remember lying, “He’s fine. He’s working in Florida.” I remember trying to feel happiness, but finding it impossible. During the Christmas season, it all felt heavier.
Today’s Promise to consider: Many of us struggle with problems and although Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time, it doesn’t always feel like it. For today, I accept that life can be difficult and I pray that tomorrow will be better. For today, I am grateful for what I have. For today, my spirit will feel serenity.
Dear Libby, I like what you said “for today, I will feel serenity”. Especially during the holidays, I take one day at a time to get through it every year. If I dwell on the past holidays when my son was addicted, I can easily fall into a depression. And, I don’t want to go there. Every year, at this time, I consume myself with helping others. (the sick, the aged, the less fortunate, etc.) It helps me forget about the horrible times of holidays past….
Thank you so much for this week’s message. It reminds me to take one day at a time, always.
Wishing you and your family a blessed Christmas. God bless you and all the mothers and fathers who have children who are addicts. My prayers are with you all.
With love,
Barbara
I read your book this week and it is almost the exact account of my son the past 2 years. He is 19 and he is living in a rehab right now, been there 4 months. The holidays are always hard and I do not look forward to the chaos that it will bring. He comes home tomorrow for the weekend and I just pray he can stay sober. The last visit he relapsed and we sent him back. Thanks for sharing your story.
Barbara,
God bless you every day and especially during this time of year. Yes, we take things one day at a time. That’s all we have :), but sometimes it’s tough to remember and stay in the present.
Love to you and thanks for staying close. You help many of us.
L
Dear Kim,
Your word choice is perfect – chaos. I’ll join you in prayer for a good and sober weekend. Stay strong.
With love and respect,
L
Hi Libby, I am trying really hard to take one day at a time and to not let the worry and sadness fill me up. This Christmas will now be especially hard as we just found out that our daughter is also addicted as well, not just our son. Life is sure throwing us some curveballs and I can’t help but feel how unfair it is. I can see one child but two?? Really?? But I am taking a deep breath and trying to keep moving. I look forward to your emails and reading other people’s comments. It does help to not feel so alone. Merry Christmas to you and your family and all the best in the new year!
Hello all
The holidays are here and with it comes worry, difficult times for our family memebers who are addicted or trying to be sober. I started out ok but I am now worried because my son looks like he may have used something tonight. It’s the way he is walking that has my antennae up. If it were 3-4 years ago I would be crying by now. But I am not. I am saddened by his struggle and by how his struggle affects us all so deeply. My family is forever changed by it. I wish it were different. I wish it all unfolded as I planned 26 years ago. But God had a different plan. Or maybe Satan is the one with the plan on this earth. All I know is all I can do is stay close and pray it helps eventually. Al Anon is what helps me cope. Without my group I would be unable to face everyday considereing what we’ve experienced with this horrible disease. Thank you all for being here on Libby’s Blog. It is another source of support for all of us. I keep you all in prayer.
Jane
Dear Glenda,
Life isn’t fair and I’m so sorry. Jeff said that there is a saying in AA, “Just when I hit my bottom, the bottom fell out.” I think this is applicable to parents, too….”Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they got worse.” I don’t know how we continue to put one foot in front of the other, but we do. We just do.
We’re here with you, sending love and prayers.
L
Dear Jane,
Your antennae are up and I understand. We watch the way they walk and talk, how their tongue rolls in their mouth and how their eyes stay at half-mast two seconds too long. Yes, we are all changed and changed forever by addiction. Even when our kids aren’t using, we know that it is one day at a time. We stay humble and vigilant. It’s all exhausting.
Al-Anon is a source of strength and compassion. I’m gad you have your group.
With love. Stay strong.
L
I can relate to this so well. I’m having a hard time, because my nieces are so successful,and one of them married a great guy. Sometimes I avoid get togethers, because it reminds me too much of what’s wrong. Sometimes I feel better at home alone, with John, Bobby and our cats. My mother has gotten upset, because she sees it as me not paying enough attention to her and my Dad. You would think she would have a clue.
A timely post for me. My son is in the county jail “AGAIN!” He called me!!! I haven’t spoken to him in many months. During the conversation he asked what I told family/friends etc. when they asked about him. I responded, “I tell them the truth.” He became quite emotional/upset at my response. I reminded him calmly that his addcition has lasted close to 20 years, that this was his 15th time in a county jail and even the very best liar in the world couldn’t possibly last that long!!! I think all recovery begins by simply telling the truth.