When Jeff had been healthy for three years, I wrote: My son’s growth is evident. He laughs more easily, he watches more calmly and he protects himself better. He knows where he hurts and he pays attention to what is coming. He’s more reflective, thoughtful, less impulsive, and more honest. He has good friends. He is becoming the strong and caring man he was always meant to be. Recovery takes time.
My reflection: One year earlier, Jeff told me, “When I awake in the morning, I know if it’s going to be a good day. Some mornings, I reach for a word and it’s like reaching into the fog. I can’t grasp it. Other mornings, when I reach for a word, I pluck it easily out of the air.” He continued, “I’m frustrated that some days aren’t clear, but I guess it will take time. I need to be patient.”
Today’s Promise to consider: We all need to be patient during recovery – both addict and parent. Changing lives, behaviors and systems takes time. Today, I will remain patient with my addicted loved one and not jump ahead of the process. The joy is in sobriety, one day at a time.
VERY TIMELY Message for me.(mom with an addict in recovery daughter)Thank you!
“Today’s promise to consider” was exactly what I needed to read this morning. My daughter is inpatient again after a relapse that nearly took her life. I usually have a sense of peace when she’s inpatient but this time I just cant shake the horrible feeling of losing her. I will NOT jump ahead of the process……thank you!
my son did 1.5 years in rehab.. had 3 years clean..I thought things were good! I was wrong…he relapsed and is back in rehab..the fight starts over….
my daughter is a recovery addict. April 29 is my birthday and she will be 1 year clean. It has sure been a rocky road and some times I really didn’t think she would make. I have been her only support. My family has pretty much disowned her. It’s a struggle she will live everyday of her life. I am so proud of her and I know it hasn’t been easy. Every night I would go to sleep and wonder if I would see my daughter again. Thank god I have and she has seen how her life can be by being clean. I tell her i don’t care about the past and the way u treated me I am your mom and love u very much and we must keep looking forward.
Thank YOU, Libby.
“Recovery” lasts ‘forever’, if we’re lucky enough to have addicts in the family that survive addiction and work (honestly and diligently) towards their recovery.
Your post led to some deep thinking on my part just now… Practicing patience, takes a whole lotta patience… and work! Replenishing patience, takes
a lot of conscious effort, for me… I AM learning, that being patient, can be so much easier than ‘recovering’ from/after losing my patience… Will take practice, practice, practice.
Oh boy, did I also need to hear your post today! Your post, led me to google “patience” for more inspiration… and this is, (part of), the first thing that I read:
The Virtue of Patience/A Sermon Delivered by Rev. Fr. Dominic Radecki, CMRI
“You may have heard this short prayer: “Lord, give me patience, but please hurry!” What is patience? It is a virtue which helps us, for the love of God, to calmly bear our tribulations and preserve serenity amid the sufferings of life. Patience tempers sorrow and staves off excessive anger and complaining. Patience is the guardian of all the virtues, for there are obstacles to be encountered in any good work, and they can be overcome only by patience.”
OK then… 🙂 Today, I will try and be patient, in all matters. One matter and one minute at a time. Thanks for your inspiration, Libby.
this is very timely. thank you for reminding all of us to be patient in recovery, both as parents and for our child.
i am copying and pasting because i want to remember:
Today’s Promise to consider: We all need to be patient during recovery – both addict and parent. Changing lives, behaviors and systems takes time. Today, I will remain patient with my addicted loved one and not jump ahead of the process. The joy is in sobriety, one day at a time.
i can only hope for this
I love the prayer, “Dear Lord, give me patience, but please hurry!” I’ve struggled with patience all my life, but it wasn’t until I surrendered to addiction that Jeff made the decision to chang his life. When I learned to love him, but stay out of his chaos, he said, “My mother became suspiciously calm. I knew she loved me and wouldn’t abandon me, but I knew she wouldn’t give me money or help me. I knew it was my choice.”
It took me 14 years to get to this point of surrender. Dear Lord, give me patience, but please hurry.
Love to you all.
I too love “Dear Lord, give me patience, but please hurry!” It is so true.
There is something not quite right in the way we need to deal with an addicted loved one, at least its seems that way. As parents we are conditioned to love and care for our children, fix their aches and pains. Stepping aside and waiting for them to find their way while they struggle just does not seem natural and yet we have no choice.
Its funny that I always think of my daughter as my child and yet she is now 30 years old, an adult, one who is entitled to chose her own path in life. This path is not the one I had in mind for her and yet it may be the only path she takes so I need to accept that with patience. Cutting those apron strings and having patience was hard enough as they grew but in this situation it seems so much harder. It definitely requires constant work.
Sue