Not many people know that my son helps me with every post about addiction. I want to acknowledge his contributions over these many years.
Dr. MacAfee told me that, as a parent, I can speak about addiction, but that Jeff speaks from addiction. The difference is huge.
As a mom, I know only my walk, my suffering, and my desperate attempts to save my son during his fourteen-year journey. I learned that, for us, STAY CLOSE made all the difference.
Jeff knows his walk and how he found recovery. Only he knows his suffering. Only he knows his desperation. Only he knows what it feels like to live on the streets, be locked up in jails, and to lose all sense of dignity and hope.
Thanks, Jeff, for your help, support, compassion, and care all these years. Thanks for reaching out a hand to help others. Thanks for your service.
My son and I walk together today, but only he and his Higher Power found recovery.
To all recovering addicts, we need your voice in order to understand addiction. You inspire us.
My son has not come around home in 8 months, he doesn’t answer phone calls or text. I want help.him and have made that known last time I saw him, he is so close to death having lost about 100 lbs and all.his teeth and his will to live. I go to alano n and have a strong faith in God but my heart is broken I love him so much and want to help, I have nightmares every night . I feel like I am just letting him die.
Dearest Sally,
I’m so sorry. I understand that your heart is breaking. Alanon was my saving grace and there I found compassion and support. You might find some comfort in the video that Jeff and I made. If you go to our website, second tab, first video – Jeff’s words are powerful. I join in prayer and hope.
Sally, my son went missing and I spent weeks becoming my own private eye. Eventually, I got a phone call indicating that if I paid the drug dealer $300.00 my son owed him he would then meet me at a specific location. I excitedly said yes! Long story short, my plan was to kidnapped my son and take him to safety. Once I had him in my van he figured out my plan and he began getting very angry etc., A friend was with me and he kept him in the van as I called my counselor. The counselor told me to release by son and make an appointment with her immediately. I had to release my son back to the crack house, he looked like one of those prisoners in a Nazi concentration camp. I opened the rear doors to the van and he stepped out, he hugged me and said, “I love you dad.” With tears in my eyes and a broken heart I hugged him back and told him I loved him too then I watched him disappear into an apartment complex. I knew I would never see him again. Today he is six years clean and sober. He is a licensed electrician and a true joy to be around. I couldn’t be more proud of him. Miracles do happen so Sally, keep praying and never give up hope. You and your son will be in our prayers each morning.
Love and prayers for you and him. Love and prayers.
Excellent post! Thanks Jeff and Libby.
Dear Pat, Thanks, always, for sharing your wisdom and strength. You inspire me and all of us. Keep coming back. xo
Thank you for posting this. My daughters and I just talked about importance of acknowledging each of our journeys through addiction , the addict, the parent and the sibling. We had to remember all of our feelings are real and need to be respected if we will continue to grow together and support each other
Communication is key. For Jeff and me, I had to learn to listen – really listen – without judgment or criticism. Whenever he felt ‘clobbered,’ he clammed up and dialogue stopped. It was a learning experience for both of us. God bless you and your daughters.
I am so very grateful to you both– finding the book was finding a friend — words that spoke so clearly to my mother’s heart , echoed my love for my son and offered a hopeful way forward– at the very time I needed to find it. The weekly posts here got me through dark days, educated our family. We learned so much from you and we navigated active addiction , relapses, active recovery. Yes, my son died and we mourn him -it is still hard, every day, it really is — but his death was not from overdose and not from suicide. He died trying and travelling towards the light, knowing how much he was loved and we know how much we were loved. I think of Barbara often and when I see Pat ‘s post as well, always so wise, I realize some of us go back a long way, We might be anonymous and have never met but we know each other. No matter what, always love and prayer. Love and prayer and community matter. Saves us. Libby and Jeff and Jeremy, too, your gifts and love and healing have reached and saved and guided so many.—– you are earth angels. Prayers of gratitude often for you.
I hope anyone reading this takes good care of themselves and finds the courage and support they need to keep the light of hope shining — I pray for healing for all of us but especially those in active addiction because yes they suffer so inside that cage of addiction. Keep on keeping on with love love love love and love first. Love them right where they are even if far from where you wish. Love does not mean rescuing. Love is acceptance. Surrender to what is. So so so hard I know. So worth it. And it is never a done deal really, always something we work at ,letting go –and letting God that is — but you get so much peace every time you do. You will never regret your loving response in the face of the chaos of addiction. love is the way to wear down the demon of addiction. Not fear. Love. Miracles happen. Souls do come back from the darkness. Good memories are everything when one you love is gone.
Oh, Joy, my dearest Joy, Yes, we go back many, many years – you, Barbara, Pat, and me. Our little community started years ago.
Your words bring great emotion to me. “Love is the way to wear down the demon of addiction. Not fear. Miracles happen. Souls do come back from the darkness. Good memories are everything when the one you love is gone.” May I use these words in an upcoming meditation? They are powerful and come from the heart of a wise and loving mother.
Your love for your son radiates in every word, every phrase, every sentence. I’ll let Jeremy and Jeff know that their journey has made a difference.
My love to you, always. Please know that I’ll always stay close in love and prayer.
I’m sober for 19 years drug of choice crack & alcohol. Finding out my daughter, my sweet baby, was using heroine tore out my insides. I wanted so much to save her from the life of addiction, the life I knew so well. I went to my AA meetings and shared. I went to Al a Non and NaraNon meetings. Next month she’ll be celebrating her 1 year anniversary!! ✨ I pray everyday she stays on the Path she is on today! ✨✨
My dear Deborah, Your precious daughter will be one year clean next month!!! God bless her and God bless you. You lived addiction – you, like Jeff, speak from addiction. Only you know your suffering, but you also know your daughter’s. We all celebrate with you and your daughter. Here’s to hope and healing. Our love to you.
Heartfelt thanks, as always, to you Libby and Jeff for your Thursday meditations… sharing your strength, experience and hope throughout the years. Jeff, your unwavering honesty and compassion for all of us who have struggled over the years have been a tremendous source of support for me and others. Most important, you have given all of us the gift of ‘hope,’ something that is very difficult to tap into while in the throes of addiction.
…and for this, I can’t thank you enough.
Love, Nanci
My dearest friend, Your words touch me deeply. Jeff and I both thank you for your continued love and compassion. You’re right that the gift of hope is hard to hold while in the throes of addiction, but today our sons are good, healthy, and contributing members of society. God bless them all. My love to you, Nanci, and to your beautiful family. Thanks for staying close all these years. xo
So good to hear the “stay close” advice! Sometimes, during this 19 year journey I am still on with my son, it is difficult — difficult when I go for years without hearing from him and difficult to hear from him in the throes of his addiction. Difficult also to see the bridges he continues to burn and how “Hurt People Hurt People;” especially when there are innocent children involved. Thanks so much Libby! Will always show love to my son . . .the one consistency . . .
Dear Brenda, Your words resonate with me: “difficult when I go for years without hearing from him, and difficult to hear from him in the throes of his addiction.” So true. I, also, love your words, “Hurt People Hurt People.” I’ve never heard that before. If it’s OK with you, I’d like to build a meditation around that concept. I won’t identify you, but I think those words will ring true for other parents.
A beautiful promise: Love…the one consistency.
I join you in prayer and hope.