A mother wrote an email message to me: I called a woman I met in Nar-Anon and told her I was feeling complete despair. She told me that her addicted daughter was currently in prison, but she was taking care of her two-year-old grandson. “Look what I would have missed,” she said. “My daughter needs my support and this child needs my love.” Her words reminded me that I need to be present for my other children. They have their own journeys to make.

My reflection on the passage above: I got so enmeshed in my son’s addiction that I sometimes lost sight of my responsibility to myself and my family. Al-Anon helped me to find my balance. Prayer helped me to find peace. Through communication and honesty, we are healing.

Today’s Promise: I will not feel guilt for what I didn’t do or what I couldn’t do. I did my best. Today I’m doing a better job of taking care of myself and my family. I am grateful for our growth.

Mom Aeriona, Nonna Libby, Iysa, Uncle Jeff, and Papa Jeremy

A mother wrote an email message to me. This is part of it: I struggle with the concept of “family.” When I grew up, holidays centered around family get-togethers. Today, my shattered family does not resemble anything I ever dreamed possible. Holiday times center around my other children, with my addicted son on the fringe. Largely he seems OK with this, but for me as the “Mom” I always feel so torn and split…never whole.

My reflections of the passage: I continue to struggle with the concept of family. With both a divorce and addiction as part of our history, I feared that my children would never feel the comfort of an intact family. Just like the mother above, our holidays have taken on new shapes over the years.

I’m not sure any family is perfect and I know ours certainly is not. That doesn’t stop me from being committed to staying close to my sons and offering my security and presence. One day at a time, we’re learning to accept each other with our faults, forgive past hurts and celebrate our gifts.

Today’s promise to consider: Family systems evolve and change. I’ll hold on to the belief that my family will find a better place, a stronger place, because we survived life’s trials together – and will survive more of them in the future. It is in love and acceptance of each other that we find strength and solidarity.

A quiet moment between brothers

A mother wrote me an email message. This is part of it: I guess those of us affected by addiction are so busy being wrapped up in our own journey we forget the pains of those around us. To hear Jeff say he had to learn about himself minus the drugs…even down to what colors he liked best…Wow, that sums it up! That statement really gives me a window into how shut down the addict becomes.

My personal reaction on the passage above: When I was in the midst of my son’s active addiction, I was drowning in my own struggles and my own suffering. It was difficult (almost impossible) to step outside of myself and see things through Jeff’s or Jeremy’s eyes. They were carrying immense burdens, but I was too beaten down to hear their hurts.

When I learned how to Stay Close and get out of the way, I was able to listen (really listen) to my sons. I heard their journeys and their heartaches. Every day, I try to remember to open my heart with compassion and honesty. I want to be fully present for my sons and for those I love.

Today’s Promise to Consider: It’s normal to get caught up in my own perspective, but today I’ll step away from my own hurts and look at problems through my loved one’s eyes.

A mother wrote me an email message. This is part of it: I prayed to my Higher Power this morning to give me peace and serenity. I knew in my heart that I needed to make amends to someone. The circumstances are not important, but the motive is. By participating in a recovery community, I’ve learned that if I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem. I am learning humility.

My personal reaction on the passage offering my above today: Part of Jeff’s recovery was to work through the steps of AA and I wanted to do the same. I started with enthusiasm, but when I got to Step Eight, Made a list of all persons we harmed and became willing to make amends to all of them, and then discovered that Step Nine required making amends to those people, I shuddered. My pride got in the way and I didn’t want to ask for understanding and forgiveness. I didn’t want to, but I did.

Through the power of the program, I’m learning humility. I’m learning that it’s OK not to be perfect or even close to perfect. My sons know I love them and I’ve asked them to forgive my shortcomings. My addicted son made his amends and so did his mother.

Today’s Promise to consider: I’ll check my pride at the door and make amends when I need to. Being humble takes courage. Humility and honesty are not for the weak. I can say, “I’m sorry.”