Abstinence Archives - Page 2 of 2

Oct 9, 2014

LESSONS FROM RECOVERY: PART 1

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Jeff, Recovery

Jeff and niece Iysa

HAVING FUN IN RECOVERY

Jeff wrote: Getting sober is the most important thing an addict will ever do, but it has to be enjoyable along the way. It’s my opinion that recovery should include a sense of both seriousness and levity. A program involving step work and meetings and spirituality should be balanced with hang time with friends, art and exercise – or some combination of things we enjoy. Ultimately, sobriety is about restoring the fun and inspiration in our lives.

My reflection: When Jeff and I talked about this topic, I was confused and questioned him saying, “How is it possible to have fun in recovery? I thought changing from a drug-filled life to a sober life would be excruciating.” He responded with the message above.

Today’s Promise to consider: For both the addict and those of us who love addicts, recovery is a critical endeavor, but it’s also a time during which to have fun and rediscover the joys in life. We don’t forget the past, but we learn from it and embrace life again.

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Oct 31, 2013

TWO PARENTS: ONE STORY, PART 5

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Acceptance, Communication, Faith, family, meditation

Final in the series: Gratitude for the Journey of Addiction

A mom wrote, My son has been sober for almost two years. We are grateful for this victory, but I am also grateful for the difficult journey. I know this sounds crazy, but I would not have the relationship with my son that I have today if we had not traveled that long and challenging road together. It was not easy. At times, I thought I would fade away.

I am beginning to reclaim my life. And so is my son. It is not easy. For me, it means confronting a lot of grief, but I know I must go through this to be whole again.

Our son began his freshman year of college in August. So far so good. He is proclaiming his recovery in a mighty way. I know that the bumps may come, and I struggle with this; however, I am learning to let him live his own life.

A mom wrote, I remember the first time I was able to say honestly in an Al-Anon meeting that I was grateful for my son’s addiction, and I still today believe it with my whole heart. Although at times I am tempted to wish the dreams I had for my son (in this order: college, good job, marriage, children) had happened, I know that I wouldn’t trade the young man he is today for any “normal” 23 year old, who followed the “expected” path.

Today’s Promise to Consider: Thank you to all who share their stories of hope and strength. We join hands to bring addiction out of the darkness and into the light. We’ll keep reaching out to help another. We’ll stay in gratitude.

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Nov 8, 2012

REDISCOVERING BEAUTY

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, family, Hope, Recovery

A recovering alcoholic wrote to me: I just celebrated my three years of sobriety. What a day it was! My husband surprised me with a fabulous pair of very weathered, but beautifully hand-embroidered cowboy boots. I wear them almost every day (even if just while I’m making dinner!) in remembrance of the fact that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again.

My reaction: The journey to sobriety is a hard-won victory, and I have great respect for those who have made this walk. Every day without alcohol or drugs is a success, and every month of living a drug-free life gives us hope. I learn from those who have traveled the road and fought to regain their life and freedom.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I reaffirm my faith that people can choose a better life, a different life, and a life of promise. I celebrate with all those who have found their sobriety, one day at a time. I, too, believe that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again, and sometimes it can become even more beautiful than it was to begin with.

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Oct 25, 2012

RELAPSES: WE TEND TO FORGET

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me: My son keeps trying to push his addiction. He has been sober for nine months. This past week, he decided to “try” and drink again. I keep telling him, you can’t drink and drug, and of course I got the, “I am getting healthier, Mom,” spiel. He got so sick when he came home he threw up with such force that he busted veins in his face. He is not allowed to drink in our home, but for now I’ll let the situation play itself out. The consequences might do the trick. I keep praying!

My reaction: Father Martin at Father Martin’s Ashley, Jeff’s first recovery center, told this story, “There was an alcoholic who, after 20 years of sobriety, decided he was healed. He walked into a bar on his way home from work and had a drink. He left after the drink, proud of himself. The next day, he stopped again. Two drinks this time, leaving after the second drink. On the way home, he thought he had this addiction thing under control. The next day, he stopped again for a few drinks and never made it home.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Changing behavior is difficult, and many medical experts believe that addiction and alcoholism are life-long conditions that require constant vigilance. As time passes, it’s human nature to tend to forget how bad the bad things were in our lives. If my loved one relapses, I will allow him to feel the consequences of his choices. I am grateful he is sober today, and I pray he chooses health tomorrow.

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Jul 26, 2012

CELEBRATING SIX YEARS SOBER

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Hope, Jeff, Recovery

July 21, 2006: Jeff made the decision not to go back to an addicted life.

In the last chapter of Stay Close, I wrote: Jeremy once asked, “Momma, how will you end the story about Jeff?” I admitted, “I don’t know, Jer. It’s not my story to end.” His answer was clear, “But that’s the point. We don’t know what will happen to Jeff, but no one can ever take away our hope. You have to end the story in hope.” And we will.

Six years ago, Jeff made the decision to live a sober life and our family is deeply grateful. We remain humble, knowing that there is no finish line with the journey that is recovery, but we also know that gratitude and joy are essential parts of being alive. Celebrations are important.

Dear Jeff, We’re grateful you came home to yourself and to us. You had the courage to fight for your life, and your courage continues as you choose again each day. We learn from you. We learn from your strength, resolve, commitment and spirituality. You’ve accomplished much in these six years, and you have many dreams yet to achieve. Happy Anniversary, Jeff!

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Jun 13, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE USING STOPS: PART 1

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Recovery

Dr. Patrick MacAfee

Dr. MacAfee says: We know a lot about addiction, but I’m very interested in what it means to live in sobriety. In other words, what is the impact of abstinence? Most people tell me they want sobriety because, “I don’t like who I’ve become.” This statement is a great motivator for change. Recovery is always an individual endeavor and also requires a supportive community.

My reaction: I never thought about the impact of abstinence. When Jeff completed his first recovery program, he emerged drug free, but his life was still framed around old ways of living. Just because he spent thirty days in treatment didn’t mean that the world he used to know suddenly changed to support his recovery. In fact, just the opposite was true. There was lots of work that needed to happen for him to reintegrate into life in a healthy way. It was all new to Jeff and new to our family. This was a delicate place.

Today’s Promise to consider: When using stops – whether overeating, smoking, drinking or using drugs – fear of picking-up again is common and living can be painful. I know that I can’t control my loved one’s behavior, but I also know that he will need a strong support system. I will be compassionate and supportive as he learns to live in abstinence.

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Dec 1, 2011

COURAGE

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Hope, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A dad wrote to me: Our children have to fight their addictions and win. We, as parents, will never know how hard their battles are or understand the strength they need. I think that anyone who has battled through addiction deserves a lot of credit.

My personal reaction: Dr MacAfee says, “Addiction is loss.” Recovery, he said, offered Jeff the space to rediscover his identity and, in time, the real Jeff would emerge. This was a journey that Jeff would have to do alone. I came to realize the enormity of the fight that he had to face in order to win his battle against addiction.

I once told Jeff, “You have a lot of courage to do this again.” He paused and then said quietly, almost to himself, “Courage? That’s a word rarely used with people like me. Yeah, it takes courage.”

Today’s Promise to Consider: Words like strength, courage, and hope are seldom used in the same sentence with addicts. My son and I faced journeys of despair and self-discovery. Courage: we both needed courage as we made decisions that would lead to our health and wholeness. My son chose to fight his addiction. I chose to fight my anxiety. We both chose to change.

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Nov 10, 2011

TIME HEALS

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, family, Hope, meditation, Recovery

Jeff with Grandmom Cataldi

An entry from my personal journal: August, 2009: Three years sober and my son is blending the best parts of his youth with what he’s learned from his addiction. His plates have sifted, crashed together and new land had emerged. He’s stronger; he’s more himself. He’s becoming whole, fully integrated – he’s becoming who he was meant to be. As his dad once said, “I think we’re seeing the flight of the Phoenix.”

My reaction to the entry above offering my thoughts today: I don’t know much about neurology, but I’ve read that it takes several years for the brain to restore itself, to heal. When my son reached his third-year anniversary of sobriety, I saw a huge difference in him: His sentence structure was more complex, his vocabulary was richer and his ability to reflect and take time before making a decision was evident. He was taking better care of himself and was more knowledgeable about his own sensitivities.

Today’s Promise to consider: Recovery takes time and life looks different in sobriety. The brain doesn’t heal all at once. I will celebrate each victory. I will celebrate today. I will continue to hope and believe.

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May 12, 2011

COURAGE: Theirs and Ours

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Recovery

My son wrote this in Stay Close about getting and staying sober: I was terrified – faced with getting clean, again. With nothing but failed attempts to reference, sobriety felt impossible. It’s far easier to want to change your life than actually to do it. Following through with the process takes total courage and I was scared to my bones.

My reflection on the above passage: Dr. MacAfee says, “We know about addiction, but what we don’t know much about is the impact of abstinence.” He explains, “Addicts know how to live in addiction – in chaos, with court systems and legal problems. They know how to lie, deceive, and manipulate. What they need to learn how to do is live a transparent life – how to live clean and honest, how to live with serenity.”

Both addiction and recovery are traumatic. MacAfee explains that when the using stops a period of grief for all the lost time, the years gone by, the people hurt, the trail of destruction is inevitable. He said, “The grief will overtake you, Jeff, and it will be hard. But it’s also a sweet time. Savor it.”

Today’s Promise to consider: It takes courage to change: courage for the addict and courage for the parent. Today I will have the courage to change the things I can. Instead of pointing out how others need to change, I’ll start with me.

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