Acceptance Archives - Page 8 of 12

Mar 27, 2014

EXCERPTS FROM HENRI NOUWEN, PART 1: CHOICE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Forgiveness, Gratitude, meditation

Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and theologian, wrote, There always remains a choice to be made between the creative power of love and life and the destructive power of hatred and death. I, too, must make that choice myself, again and again. Nobody else, not even God, will make that choice for me. (Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life)

My reflection: When Jeff was in active addiction, I fought against it with every fiber of my being. When ugliness happened (as it often does with addiction), I responded with anger, hurt, resentment and outrage. In time, I learned that, as much as I wanted to, I could not control his addiction. I also learned that fighting ugliness with ugliness was destroying me, too.

Today’s Promise to consider: Jeff told me, Every day we’re faced with decisions about how to approach the world around us – with grace and positivity or with ugliness and impatience. Life is challenging and so many circumstances are outside our control, but the way we respond is in our hands. Today I will live my life with grace and positivity. I will choose love and life.

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Mar 20, 2014

THE POWER OF SUPPORT GROUPS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Recovery

Libby, Louise, Jackie, Jackie and Teresa

Libby, Louise, Teresa, Jackie and Jackie

A mom and dad wrote to me, After our son was clean for 18 months, we began sharing our story at a local treatment center’s family workshop. First we talked with families, then separately with the patients. We always suggest Al Anon.

Last week, a young male patient, who had been lounging on the couch seemingly disinterested, spoke up. “Excuse me, Ma’am,” he began politely. “Thank you for coming and all, but I don’t want my mom to go to Al Anon. I don’t want her in my business. She’s already too much in my life and I don’t want her in any more of it.”

Several fellow patients jumped in. “You don’t get it,” they chimed. “That’s WHY you want your mom to go to Al Anon. It’s not for you. It’s for HER. That’ll get her OFF your back!”

My husband and I were surprised that in a roomful of addicts so many understood there was a program to help their families – and they were eager to learn more. The visit reminded us, again, that addiction is a family disease.

My reflection: There are many support groups for families of addicts. Although I attend Al-Anon, there are many others. The support of my group is essential to my serenity. When I finally stumbled, broken, into an Al-Anon meeting, I found compassion and understanding. The people in those rooms helped me carry my burden.

Today’s Promise to consider: Sometimes our burdens become too heavy to carry. There are other people who will help. Families can learn to heal. Love, compassion and understanding are available in support groups. We just need to reach out our hand.

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Mar 13, 2014

LET GO AND LET GOD

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Faith

Photo credit: Ando Pndlian

A mom wrote to me, Even without the drug problem in my life, I have to let go of and accept that my son has to go on and have his own life. I have to let him make his own decisions and mistakes, but it’s hard to stay out of his way. I’m right in the heart of learning to “Let go and let God.” Wanting to control is natural, but I know when I can finally surrender my life that it will take a big weight off my heart and I can begin to live a life of just loving everything and everybody around me.

My reflection: Much of what I learned through addiction can be applied to everyday life. When Jeff was drug sick, I wanted nothing more than to force him to stop. But I learned in Al-Anon, with professional help and through education that controlling an addiction is impossible. “Let go and let God” became my mantra.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I admit that I cannot control anyone other than myself. Today, I accept that my loved ones have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. Standing back is difficult, almost impossible at times, but today I surrender my will and pray for their good decisions. God is in charge, not me.

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Mar 6, 2014

EXPECTATIONS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Forgiveness, Resentments

A mom wrote to me: We had so many expectations for our children and us. Then, like a puff of smoke, they were gone.

My reflection: I know this feeling of loss. When Jeff was young, he was a strong student, vice-president of student government, talented athlete, wonderful son and brother. We never dreamed that addiction would find its way into our home. We lost Jeff to drugs for fourteen years, but I thank the Lord that it was only fourteen years and not a lifetime. This journey steeled us together in a new way. A stronger way.

Today’s Promise to consider: Expectations, for me, are dangerous. Many of my biggest life’s disappointments stem from hopes I had for my children, myself or for others I love. When I release my expectations and accept life for what it is, I feel gifted with a renewed sense of peace. Today, I will pray for acceptance. I will relaxed my grasp on expectations.

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Dec 26, 2013

MERRY CHRISTMAS: SLOWING DOWN

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Gratitude, Hope

Granddaughter Iysa and cousin Leah

A friend wrote to me, This week, we laid a family friend to rest; it was a sudden and unexpected passing. The Reverend’s sermon was, in short, Life is a Gift. This is something that I know to be true; however, I have not been true to it: rushing, being busy and distracted. Her sermon to me was SLOW DOWN and focus on the present.

My reflection: It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of this season, busily trying to accomplish our to-do list and allowing ourselves to be distracted. This is one of the few times during the year (maybe the only time) that people pause and schedule time with family and friends.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will enjoy this time with family, friends or quietly by myself. Life can be a roller coaster, but today I will slow down and focus on what is important and who is important. These global pauses happen infrequently and I will cherish them.

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Dec 19, 2013

HOLIDAYS: BEING GENTLE WITH OURSELVES

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Forgiveness, Hope, Jeremy

Son Jeremy and daughter Iysa

My brother JF wrote: The Christmas of 1991 found me recently separated, and with joint custody of my eleven-year-old daughter and eight-year-old son.

After a few hours (of being together with their mother at our family home), I brought them over to my place for a nice lunch…hey, I’m Italian; we gotta eat…and more presents. Finally it was time to return them. I walked them to her door, and then grabbed myself two armfuls of children. “Merry Christmas, kids. I love you very much.” “Merry Christmas, Daddy. We love you, too.”

And as I stood there, the door slowly closed in my face, and the deadbolt clicked into place. I can still hear that click. And I became overwhelmed by the crushing realization that, for the first time since I had my little angels, they would be somewhere on Christmas where I couldn’t go. Where I wasn’t even welcome.

Now intellectually I knew, of course, that not everyone is thrilled on Christmas; that many people get together simply out of habit or obligation. I knew that. But with my emotions wrecked, at every house I passed I was certain that all of them were filled with love and beauty and children and happiness. And the homes with lots of cars out front made me feel even worse.

(The entire article: http://www.post-gazette.com/news/portfolio/2013/12/04/A-dad-s-separation-ended-in-a-pair-of-welcoming-arms.print)

My reflection: The holidays can be tough times, especially when your child is an addict. I remember well the Christmas of 2006 when neither Jeff nor Jeremy came home. Our lives were chaos. I wept through most days, feeling desperate for the broken state of our family.

Today’s Promise to consider: The holidays are stressful enough without me adding all the expectations of what I think a happy family looks like and acts like. This season, I will be gentle with myself and my loved ones. Yes, I will be gentle.

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Oct 31, 2013

TWO PARENTS: ONE STORY, PART 5

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Acceptance, Communication, Faith, family, meditation

Final in the series: Gratitude for the Journey of Addiction

A mom wrote, My son has been sober for almost two years. We are grateful for this victory, but I am also grateful for the difficult journey. I know this sounds crazy, but I would not have the relationship with my son that I have today if we had not traveled that long and challenging road together. It was not easy. At times, I thought I would fade away.

I am beginning to reclaim my life. And so is my son. It is not easy. For me, it means confronting a lot of grief, but I know I must go through this to be whole again.

Our son began his freshman year of college in August. So far so good. He is proclaiming his recovery in a mighty way. I know that the bumps may come, and I struggle with this; however, I am learning to let him live his own life.

A mom wrote, I remember the first time I was able to say honestly in an Al-Anon meeting that I was grateful for my son’s addiction, and I still today believe it with my whole heart. Although at times I am tempted to wish the dreams I had for my son (in this order: college, good job, marriage, children) had happened, I know that I wouldn’t trade the young man he is today for any “normal” 23 year old, who followed the “expected” path.

Today’s Promise to Consider: Thank you to all who share their stories of hope and strength. We join hands to bring addiction out of the darkness and into the light. We’ll keep reaching out to help another. We’ll stay in gratitude.

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Aug 8, 2013

GRATITUDE: ONE DAY AT A TIME

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Gratitude, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me: My son’s bottom was getting shot in a drug deal. He still carries the bullet an inch from his spine, too risky to remove. He has ten months of sobriety and is now living in a sober house. It is all such a blur to me. But I’m grateful. He’s good – today.

My reflection: There is a saying that an addict has to hit his bottom before he finds sobriety. I’ve heard another saying from people in recovery, “Just when I hit my bottom, the bottom fell out.” I watched my son hit many bottoms and, each time, I ran in and helped. Jeff fell to bottoms that I never thought were possible, each of them critical in bringing him to a place where he chose sobriety.

Today’s Promise: If my loved one is good today, I am grateful. If he is not good today, I am grateful he is alive and will keep hopeful, praying that one day he might be healthy again. Whatever the circumstance, I will stay close, pray and believe. Recovery happens one day at a time.

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Jul 25, 2013

ON SUFFERING

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith

A mom wrote to me: They taught me this in India: Whatever suffering you have and for whatever reason, stay with it and accept it for what it is without analyzing or trying to figure out why. Let it dissolve. Acknowledge that you are helpless and let go, knowing that you can control nothing and that God will take over. Love and accept yourself the way you are.

My response: This mom continued the above by writing, “Easier said than done, but worth practicing as much as possible.” Letting go of suffering takes practice, the passage of time and, for me, faith in my Higher Power.

Today’s Promise to consider: We all suffer. It’s part of life. It seems the more I rail against the pain, the more damage it does. Today, I will step back, pray, take care of myself and allow the suffering to wash over me. Like heavy storms, I can’t stop the rain, but I can take cover and pray, trusting that better days are ahead.

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Jun 20, 2013

A MOTHER’S REQUEST

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, family

A mom wrote to me, It is with a very sad heart that I write to you today. Although we had some wonderful times with my son upon his return from the service, I came home from work on Wednesday and found him dead in his room. I am devastated that it ended this way. He was such a loving son and cared deeply for his family and friends. A friend wrote to me and said what a good mother I was and that I did all I could, etc. I know I tried to do my best, but there was something troubling him that I could not help him with. Heroin was what he sought for comfort.

To this mom: I’m deeply and profoundly sorry for your loss. Your pain and suffering are beyond my comprehension. This is the worst nightmare, the greatest fear for those of us who love an addict. My sons and I will continue to fight addiction. We will continue to take it out of the shadows and put it into the light where we can see it and work to defeat it. You are not alone.

Today’s Promise to consider and her request: She asked me to,“Please remind your readers to never give up hope. Even though our journey ended tragically, I didn’t give up hope. This is giving me strength right now.”

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