A young man in recovery wrote to me: My mom told me that reading the book STAY CLOSE was very difficult for her, but that she recognized her own life throughout the story. When she told me this, our conversation was remarkable – the tone of her voice and the way she spoke to me. She seemed calm and, when I said something funny, she laughed. I cannot tell you how long it has been since my mother actually listened to my voice and listened to what I was saying. Something magical happened. She saw me as her son again. She looked me directly in the eyes and finally, after about fifteen years, she was able to stop giving me one-armed, sideways hugs, and instead she wrapped both arms around me. For that, I will be forever grateful.

My reflection: When we open our hearts and listen deeply to our suffering loved ones, we make room for magic to happen. Stories about addiction often allow for that by reminding us that we’re part of a large and worldwide community of others who know our struggles and pain.

Today’s Promise: Those brave souls in recovery desperately want to ‘be seen’ by those they love. They need to feel a connection, especially with their families and, even more so, with their mothers. The young boy above eventually relapsed and passed away, but he left this earth knowing that his mom, “saw me as her son again.” God bless him.

A mother wrote to me: My son was handsome, respectful, smart, athletic, and funny. Unfortunately, at fifteen, he made a bad choice to experiment with drugs. His life and ours were never the same. He tried to get clean. In fact, he was clean for forty days before he died. I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life, but I know the average person looks down on people who do drugs. I wish other people could understand what our lives are like.

My reflection: Even with the recent public outcry about addiction and deaths, society often considers the addict an abyss of moral failure. People judge the family as non-caring, absent, abusive, or non-communicative. Those of us who have addicted children know that this illness doesn’t discriminate.

Today’s Promise: Judgment comes swiftly when people hear that our children are suffering from drug abuse. Society criticizes us and holds us at fault, but these are the chains of addiction. Maybe it’s impossible for others to understand the crisis we parents face when the nightmare of addiction enters our homes. Maybe it’s impossible for others to understand the toll it takes on the entire family and the countless efforts we make to stem the tide. I’ve come to realize that all I can do is educate myself, follow my heart, lean into my support group, and pray for my child’s healing.

Ten years ago, I wrote a blog entry with the same title…and here I am again, reminding myself that I am powerless over anyone except myself.

My personal reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I talked, ranted, threatened, and cajoled, but words never penetrated the tough exterior of addiction. My words fell on deaf ears and a stone heart. I finally learned to find comfort in talking less and praying more.

Today’s Promise to consider: The mantra, “Talk less, pray more,” is a reminder that I can’t control or change anyone. I can, however, listen more closely, respond with greater compassion and skillfulness, and continue to find strength in my Higher Power. And I will.