family Archives - Page 18 of 27

Mar 5, 2015

WHAT WILL BE YOUR MESSAGE TO THE WORLD?

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, Jeremy, Stay Close

Granddaughter Iysa

Jimmy Demers, friend and superb vocalist, inspires the world through music. I listened to this song as I drove through the deserts of California and Arizona last month. The landscape was majestically powerful and so is this track.

My reflection: As I played this song repeatedly, I found myself wondering, what will be my message to the world? What message will my sons, Jeff and Jeremy, leave? We all have a story. The human experience teaches us so much. Is it not our responsibility to share that learning and to leave a message?

Today’s Promise to consider: This song beckoned me to reflect on how I’m living day-to-day and what message I hope to leave when I pass. My answer is clear: Stay Close. Life is difficult and suffering is unavoidable, but the human spirit is strong. I’ll never quit believing in truth, in beauty and in my sons. Addiction tried to rob our family of us, but it didn’t succeed. We learned and grew from the trauma.

Message to the World, written by Terry Coffey and Donnie Demers, sung by Jimmy Demers https://soundcloud.com/musical_wheels/message-to-the-world

5 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Jan 29, 2015

COMING HOME

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Jeff, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

Jeff and niece Iysa

A mom wrote to me, My son is coming home from treatment next week and I am excited to see him and at the same time afraid he will relapse. He knows what we are asking of him, but I remember when he was living at home we had many arguments because he was using and did not listen to us. Now that he is coming home, what should I do if he goes back to using and doesn’t listen to us again?

My reflection: I asked Dr. MacAfee for his advice, and he explained that, before the son left treatment, it was important for him to have a plan for continuing care and a list of people to call for help and support. For the family, boundaries were critical to put into place, i.e. what would they do if he were to relapse. The son needed to tell his parents how he would like them to help him accomplish his plan for sobriety along with him, not for him.

Today’s Promise to consider: When Jeff completed treatment and came home again, I felt great joy and hope But I was also afraid. Would he use again? Would he come home and respect the boundaries we had in place? These were normal fears. Al-Anon and other family support programs helped me. So did prayer.

14 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Jan 8, 2015

TRUSTING AGAIN

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, meditation, Recovery

Jeff, Libby, cousin Ferdinando

A mom wrote to me, I wrote to you a few years ago about my son’s gambling addiction. As every parent, we barely functioned for almost three years. After his marriage of two years ended, he went to rehab and a halfway house for some time. Today, he has a good job, met a great girl and seems to be doing well. He just announced his engagement and even though things seem better, I worry. I know I should have a positive outlook, but the past haunts me. How do you ever begin to trust and live without fear?

My reflection, I once asked Dr MacAfee this same question, “How do I learn to trust again? The past is hard to forget and I worry what might happen in the future.” The good doctor said, “Your feelings are normal. You’ve been vigilant a long time. Be patient with yourself.”

Today’s Promise to consider, Trusting that a recovering loved one will stay well and not return to the chaos of addiction is difficult. Most of us have been deeply scarred by years of turbulence. Today, I’ll be gentle with myself. I’ll breathe, acknowledge my fear and move toward releasing my worry. In doing so, I learn to live with trust. My loved one deserves this effort. So do I.

10 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Dec 25, 2014

PEACE THROUGH PRAYER

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Gratitude, Hope, Stay Close

A dad wrote: I just got back from visiting my son in Texas. It was one of the best visits I have had with him. So why am I having so much trouble getting through the holidays? I think it is the result of my expectations and waiting for the next shoe to drop. I find myself focused on the future and ruining a time of the year where I should be so thankful he is alive, let alone appearing to be doing well.

I found a prayer that gives me peace.

PARENT’S PRAYER

I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God in you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you.

I place you lovingly in the hands of the Father. I stand by in faith; I refrain from imposing my will on you. You are God’s child you are here to fulfill your own purpose. As close as I am to you, as much as I love you, I cannot live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment, is between you and God.

I know that we are one in God, and that as I trust God in my life and trust him in your life, all will be well!

Today’s Promise to consider: During this holiday season, many of us are suffering in excruciating ways. Life isn’t easy, but prayer provides some serenity. Today I give thanks for my many blessings. My family and I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas.

6 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Dec 18, 2014

HOW DOES ONE FORGIVE?

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Forgiveness, Resentments

A dad wrote: I have worked so hard on forgiveness. I know in my heart that God wants me to forgive, as He has forgiven. I have prayed for His Spirit to grant me the gift of forgiveness. I must somehow still be resistant. I sometimes, in prayer, feel I have forgiven, then the past comes back to haunt me and the anger and remembrance of betrayal returns and I am back where I do not want to be. Share with me, how do you forgive and stay in forgiveness?

My reflection: In the book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach writes, When we forgive, we stop rigidly identifying others by their undesirable behavior. Without denying anything, we open our heart and mind wide enough to see the deeper truth of who they are. When we do, our hearts naturally open in love.

Today’s Promise to consider: I don’t have a personal process for forgiving, but I do know that in preparation for Christmas, I want to open my heart and mind wide enough to forgive those who have hurt me. As one mom wrote, “It’s anger that keeps us hostage.” Today I’ll pray.

6 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Dec 11, 2014

NEVER QUIT BELIEVING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, Jeremy

Libby, Jeff and Jeremy

A mom wrote to me, As I type this, our son just started methadone treatment, and our daughter is in a 28-day treatment program after being released from detox. I have to admit that I think it’s unfair that both our children are drug addicts, but I never lose faith. I keep praying for them to get well. It has been a nightmare of epic proportions and my husband and I are so very tired of living all that comes with dealing with addicted children. We just want them to get better and be able to lead healthy and productive lives.

My reflection: This mom is correct that addiction is a nightmare of epic proportions. I remember well the depression, the ache and the suffering that our family endured during Jeff’s addiction. I remember praying to find the silver bullet that would cure my son and stop the addiction. Unfortunately, there isn’t one.

Today’s Promise to consider: We all need someone to believe in us and to have faith in our abilities to overcome. The words that I wrote eight years ago remain true today:

“Never quit believing, OK, Momma?”

“I won’t quit believing, Jeff.”

“Never.”

18 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Dec 4, 2014

FORGIVING

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, Hope, Resentments

A young man, hunched over and staring at the floor, said, When I was a child, I was sexually abused repeatedly by my uncle. Just saying these words makes my stomach ache and my ears burn. I hated him – he ruined my life and I’ve struggled with this all my life. When my father died, my uncle came to the viewing. When I looked at him, all I could see what a mangy, scared, grey and ugly dog. He didn’t speak to me and I didn’t speak to him, but he knew that I knew what he had done all those years. I’m talking about it now because I have to. I have to let it go, let the anger and hatred go, for myself. It has to be an act of my will. I won’t forget what he did, but I have to forgive him so I can move forward with my life. I need to set myself free.

My reaction: My heart ached as I listened to this young man. The abuse is repulsive, and I have had a hard time forgetting the sadness and despair of his words. He will never forget the offense, but forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. I was grateful to be a witness to his decision to forgive and set himself free.

Today’s Promise to consider: There are hurts we suffer that debilitate us for a long time. Although it isn’t easy, forgiving those who hurt us allows us to open our hearts and to feel a sense of serenity and liberty. Today, I will work on forgiving those who have hurt me by turning my will toward love. I will pray for peace that will help me go forward with my life.

16 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Nov 20, 2014

SOMEBODY’S PRAYING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Jeff, Recovery

Jeff with Grandma Cataldi, our prayer warrior.

A mother wrote to me: I wonder how many prayers we have lifted up as parents of addicted children? And how many prayers others have lifted up on our behalf in an effort to do something, anything to support our both tender and strong parent hearts. How many prayers are lifted up, especially during those times when there is no clear answer to, “What do I do?”

A song: Below are two stanzas of a song written by John Elliot. The lyrics serve to remind us how much comfort and strength comes to us through those who never hesitate to ‘pray us along.’

Somebody’s prayin, I can feel it

Somebody’s prayin’ for me

Mighty hands are guiding me

To protect me from what I can’t see

Lord, I believe, Lord, I believe

Somebody’s prayin’ for me.

Well, I’ve walked through barren wilderness

Where my pillow was a stone

And I’ve been through the darkest caverns

Where no light had ever shown.

Still I went on ’cause there was someone

Who was down on their knees

And Lord, I thank you for those people

Prayin’ all this time for me.

Today’s Promise to consider: Whether I believe in the power of prayer or not, today I will send forth into the universe positive thoughts and energy for my loved one and all those who are suffering. I will bombard the heavens with requests for love and strength.

12 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Oct 30, 2014

LESSONS FROM RECOVERY: PART 4

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Faith, family, Hope, Recovery

Jeff and Granddad Cataldi

“KEEPING MY FEET IN TODAY”

I asked a young man, who has been sober for almost three years, what he’s learned from recovery. He wrote:

Change is constant.

What’s that about?

Life is in motion. And

It’s happening now.

Life in Recovery? (life as a healthy human)

Draw on the past

Hope for the future

With my feet in today

My reflection: When Jeff became sober, he faced a myriad of problems caused by his years of using: financial, health, legal and personal. He had to take one day at a time, live in the present and trust that with persistence, sobriety and faith, he would piece his life back together.

Today’s Promise to consider: Keeping both feet in today is a challenge. Our busy minds swing between replaying the past and fast forwarding into the future and, in doing so, we find ourselves living in a world of regrets and projections. Today, I’ll do my best to be present and to appreciate the magic in everyday moments.

2 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Oct 16, 2014

LESSONS FROM RECOVERY: PART 2

by libbycataldi under family, Jeff, Recovery, Stay Close

“I HAVE A PURPOSE”

I asked a young man, who has been sober for almost three years, what he’s learned from recovery. He wrote: Today I can use my past to help myself and, more importantly, to help others. I don’t carry around shame and guilt about what I’ve done. I don’t dwell on the past, but it’s there if I need to use it. As for the future, I plan as far out as I need to, but I don’t obsess over events that haven’t happened. I don’t live in worry and fear. Instead, I have been made useful to others. I have a purpose.

My reflection: Dr. MacAfee says that addicts are saints in the making. They’ve lived a life that most of us will never know and, when they become healthy, they bring an immense energy, compassion and understanding to their families, communities and themselves.

Today’s Promise to consider: Recovering addicts know that they have an important purpose in life: to contribute, to serve and to help others. Jeff and other recovering people continue to teach me and to inspire me with their courage. They have wisdom born out of suffering and pain. We, who love them, also have a purpose: to reach out our hands and help another.

9 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment