family Archives - Page 25 of 27

May 24, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: PART 2

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

Beth and Kenny

A mom wrote to me: My son has 14 months drug free and I am so proud of the strength and courage he has demonstrated in changing his life and managing his disease. I’ve shared my heartache with you before, and I knew you would share in my happiness.

A couple of weeks ago, I awoke to find the following text message from him. I asked his permission to share it with you. He agreed knowing it can offer hope to other parents.

U had the biggest part in getting me sober. I’m so sorry for the years of pain I caused u. to some extent it was the disease but it was me for the most part. I’m in such a good place in my sobriety. I finally have some direction in life and it feels good. Rehab was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do but it was the best thing I ever did. there’s no way to change the past but the future looks bright. I love u so much. Ur my favorite person and my biggest fan.

My reaction: These are the messages that keep parents staying close. We hold hope that one day our children will find their way to sobriety. We remain humble, knowing it’s one day at a time, but for today, in these moments, we are grateful.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will be my child’s biggest fan. I will celebrate his good qualities and achievements, and let her know how much she is loved.

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Apr 11, 2012

LEARNING THROUGH SUFFERING (Part 3)

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Forgiveness, Hope

Our family is growing and learning, for ourselves and for baby Iysa.

A mother wrote to me: My daughter, addicted to heroin when she was fifteen, is still struggling with her recovery at eighteen. I can distinctly remember my response to crisis and insanity: justification, enabling, making excuses, detaching, not detaching, hurt, anger, love, hate and feelings that I had failed as a mother.

Working my program through Al-Anon has shown me that I can be a leader, an example and a student, all at the same time. I am not expected to be perfect. I am learning to judge people less often, enjoy moments of appreciation for little things, connect with and delight in nature, give and receive unconditional love, pray for people who make me angry, instead of yelling – sometimes!, be grateful often, and acknowledge that I’ve been blessed. I am thankful for my growth in Al-Anon.

My reaction to the above: When faced with an addiction or any trauma, it’s hard to stay grateful, but this mother’s words reinforce what Dr. MacAfee and Dr. Grant say: Suffering can be redemptive and transformative.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will be grateful for this day and I will accept hardship as an opportunity to grow. If I slip, it’s OK. I’m not expected to be perfect and I can try again. Learning is a lifetime journey.

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Apr 4, 2012

SUFFERING: A CONVERSATION (PART 2)

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope

Continued reading after my conversation with Dr. MacAfee: Dr. MacAfee recommended reading, “Trauma, Addiction and Spirituality,” by Robert Grant, Ph.D. In fact, he mailed it to me. Dr. Grant writes, “I’m interested in authentic suffering. I don’t try to take it away from people. It’s often the only thing powerful enough to keep them on the journey of transformation.”

What does one learn from trauma?: Dr. Grant continues, “One thing (we learn), and this is something that addicts know from their substance abuse support groups, is that we are not in complete control of our lives. We are limited and finite. Secondly, there are no guarantees in life. This is in spite of how hard one works…Things can go wrong. (Thirdly), there is no security in an absolute sense….everything can be taken away in an instant. I believe in the power of redemptive or legitimate suffering.”

Today’s thought to consider: Dr. Grant offers, “There are only two things that matter: the care and love of other people, and a connection to ‘something greater than ourselves.’”

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Mar 15, 2012

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Stay Close

Nonna with grandbaby Iysa

A dad wrote: I would be mindful of that precious time when your child is attempting to stay clean. There is no way to be sure if he or she will stay in recovery so take extra care to value and enjoy each moment of his sobriety. Take pictures, enjoy the love, the hugs, the smiles. Please do not focus on your fears.  

My personal reaction to this entry: This dad’s reminder to focus on the precious moments is critical. I remember when Jeff was three years old and he crawled onto my lap as I was writing an article for a research journal. I continued to write, immersed in my thoughts, until he touched my face and said, “Where are you, Mommy? How come you don’t hug me?”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will take the time to cherish each precious moment of this day. I will look into the eyes of those I love, hug them, listen to them and let them know how important they are to me.

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Mar 8, 2012

GIVING BACK

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery, Relapse

Uncle Jeff and niece Iysa

A mother wrote to me: I work in a hospital and today we received a seventeen-year old, attempted OD and positive for opiates. I felt so helpless. I knew there was probably (hopefully) a mother, father or someone with this young addict and I wished I could have gone to his or her side to offer support. I know that feeling of being in the ER with a loved one, frightened.

I feel it’s time for me to give back, to do something. Please pray that I have the courage and strength to follow through with offering myself to speak with/be there with other families in time of need.

My personal reaction to this message: I will pray that this mom and others find the courage and strength to step forward and help others, to reach out a hand to a brother, mother, father or sister. Addiction is steeped in shame, stigma, silence and secrets. Stepping forward is not easy, but when I was young, we didn’t talk about abortion, homosexuality or even divorce. Today we talk about these issues and confront them.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will find the strength to help someone today. I will reach out a hand or lend a listening ear. I will do it simply and be present for another.

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Mar 1, 2012

A PENDANT: worn with love

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Hope, Stay Close

A mom wrote to me: My son came home from treatment, began AA meetings, got a sponsor and reconnected with his addiction therapist; however, this sobriety was shorter than his past ones. I know that there is no approach that will remove the pain of this struggle, but I have optimism that I have found a new way to live life as a mom with an addicted child.

I will face this next “round” with the new philosophy. I have attached a picture of the pendant I wear. My son’s initials are on the back. My pendant is a reminder to me each moment of where I need to be in my relationship with my son as he struggles with his addiction.

My response: When I opened this mom’s email and saw the pendant, my eyes filled with tears of gratitude that our family’s struggle had opened a possibility, an alternative way of being, for another mom. When the recovering Italian alcoholic told me, Stagli Vicino: Stay Close to him, I understood, in a new way, my role as a mom with an addicted son.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will adopt this philosophy of staying close to those I love, not just with addiction, but in all cases. I can’t fix problems for others, but I can support them by staying close.

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Feb 16, 2012

I BELIEVE THE CHLDREN ARE OUR FUTURE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Hope, Jeremy, Stay Close

Papa Jeremy, Baby Iysa, Mom Aeriona, Nonna

First line from The Greatest Love of All

Sung by Whitney Houston (1963 – 2012)

Song written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed.

We offer this song popularized by Whitney Houston as a tribute to a star, a legend, who is responsible for some of the biggest music of her era. She battled drug addiction and we are reminded, once again, that addiction doesn’t discriminate.

When I was Head of School, I played this song for our students as a way of saying, “We believe in you. We believe that you are the future and, if we teach you well, you will lead the way. Your future is bright and we pass to you our strength, love and faith in you. Stay strong and know that we believe in you.”

The Greatest Love of All

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvPYXHM94DQ&w=420&h=315]

Greatest Love Of All

(the first stanza)

I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

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Feb 9, 2012

TALK LESS, PRAY MORE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Recovery, Stay Close

Three years ago, I wrote: For me, as a mom, I’ve adopted a new motto: Talk Less, Pray More, and I usually remember to abide by it. I stay close to my sons, trying not to enable or interfere, and I respond with greater patience and understanding. My sons know that they are my priority, and I laugh when I tell them a familiar Italian expression, ‘la mamma è sempre la mamma,’ which means ‘the mother is always the mother.’ All over the world, this seems to be a universal truth.

My personal reflection on this passage: Jeff is sober today and our family lives in a space of gratitude. We also understand that we must stay humble in the face of addiction because it lurks in the shadows, always taunting, biding its time, gauging just the right moment when vulnerability is high and relapse is possible. We must stay humble and grateful – and continue to hope and believe.

Today’s Promise to consider: I can’t control or fix anyone or anything, but I can listen more closely, respond with greater compassion and pray more. And I will.

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Feb 2, 2012

ECHOES OF PAIN

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Stay Close

Jeff and his childhood friend Bryan

A dad, who has known my family for years, wrote to me: As I have read the many meditations, I hear again and again the echoing pain of separation, loss, parting, losing someone to addiction while trying so hard to hold on. Sometimes it is letting go of the old; sometimes it is being willing to step back and release in order to move forward.

The following Dickinson poem keeps coming to mind, especially the last idea that such loss is as close as we get to heaven and is surely all that we ever need to endure of hell.

PARTING

My life closed twice before its close;

It yet remains to see

If Immortality unveil

A third event to me,

So huge, so hopeless to conceive,

As these that twice befell.

Parting is all we know of heaven,

And all we need of hell.

Today’s Promise to Consider: I have friends who understand the pain of living with addiction even though they’ve never experienced the suffering first hand. I will open my heart to those who love me and my family and who want to support me. Just because they haven’t walked in my shoes doesn’t mean they can’t understand.

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Jan 26, 2012

THE HURRICANE OF ADDICTION

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Relapse, Stay Close

A mom wrote: After nine months of sobriety my 32-year-old son has slipped again, this time deeper than ever into the darkness of his substance. His drug of choice? “Any drug.”

He found his way to a local hospital just yesterday after months of smoking crack. He lost a good job, forgot he has a five-year-old son and was homeless and sleeping behind a convenience store in the winter.

His addiction is like a hurricane sweeping through our lives, destroying and uprooting everything in its path. Over time I have learned that when the winds begin to blow, I board the windows of my mind and heart, disconnect the phones and hunker down for the storm to come. The wind builds and there is nowhere to hide. Each time I pray this will be the last, but it repeats, teases and taunts. I get a glimpse of blue sky only for it to be quickly replaced by black clouds again.

“Please let me come home,” he says.

“No,” I answer.

“I just want to come home. Why won’t you let me come home?”

Just as I love the rain and the softness of a warm breeze, I love my son.

Just as I hate the torrential downpour, the gale-force wind and mindless destroyer, I hate the addiction that has taken my son.

Today’s Promise to Consider: Relapse suffocates hope and faith, but I know that the decision to stop using has to come from the addict directly. It is a personal choice, not a family choice. I can the hate the addiction, but I will love my son. I will continue to believe.

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