Hope Archives - Page 11 of 16

Apr 10, 2013

22 HOURS AND 14 MINUTES

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

Memorial Hermann Medical Center, Houston, Texas: Jeff and I were invited to speak at the Prevention and Recovery Center. Before our presentation, I passed through the audience as people began to fill the space, introducing myself and welcoming individually each person. I saw a young man about 24-years old, sitting alone, head down. When I approached him, he looked up skeptically, probably wondering what I wanted. I thanked him for coming and asked, “How long have you been sober?” He pulled up his shirtsleeve, looked at his watch and said, “22 hours and 14 minutes.”

My reaction: “That’s an accomplishment,” I said softly. “Jeff tells me one day is a huge effort. Congratulations. Keep coming back. We’re glad you’re here.” He smiled, looked again at his watch and never looked back at me. It didn’t matter. He was there; he came to hear us speak about hope and healing. I don’t know if he stayed sober or not, but since that day I’ve kept him in my good thoughts and prayers.

Today’s Promise to consider: The fight for sobriety takes many faces, but it is never easy. Victory is hard earned, one step at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time or 22 hours and 14 minutes at a time. To all the recovering addicts who are continuing the fight, stay strong. We are with you.

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Mar 21, 2013

HAPPINESS: HARD WORK OF THE SOUL

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, meditation, Recovery

Son Jeremy and granddaughter Iysa

A mom wrote, For years, I lived in my head and froze my body as if I could keep away the pain of my son’s addiction. But now I dance. It is one way I deal with my emotions, but only one way. Whatever strategies you need, use them. Meditating helps train my mind, and dancing is helping to train my body and soul. Through all of this, I’ve learned that we have a choice to be compassionate, not angry towards the addict and ourselves, a choice to be happy. I still have to work hard at not being afraid and not being sad. But hard work of the soul is maybe why we are here.

My reaction: I, too, remember years of trying to deal with the trauma of Jeff’s addiction by running and swimming miles, trying to relieve the pain. Like the childhood book Max and the Wild Things, dance allows us to stomp and rage against addiction and then to spin and raise our hands in joy and happiness. My personal journey toward happiness began when I reached out my hand for help. Al-Anon was there, and it still is.

Today’s Promise to consider: Locking ourselves away in pain and hurt doesn’t help our loved ones or us. When dealing with addiction, it can feel impossible to be happy, but today I’ll do the work necessary, the hard work of the soul. I’ll dance and meditate. I’ll run. I’ll pray, attend Al-Anon meetings and talk with a therapist. We owe it to our loved ones and ourselves to find our way toward happiness.

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Mar 14, 2013

HAPPINESS: A CHOICE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Gratitude, Hope

Friends: Libby, Sandra, Frances

A mom wrote to me: As the mother of a 23-year-old addict, I fear looking too far into the future. Recently, I visited a close friend who is dying of lung cancer. He and his wife savor every day, every hour, they have together. It reminded me how Al-Anon teaches us to live one day – and sometimes one hour – at a time. The choice is mine. I can live each day in fear and anguish over my son, spending my time in dread and misery. Or I can strive to be happy and – much like my friend – savor the time I have left.

My reaction: When Jeff was in active addiction, I started each day with the prayer, “Dear Lord, keep him alive today.” Sitting quietly, even for a few minutes, was a challenge as my mind raced and conjured traumatic scenarios. I lived in fear that the phone would ring, especially in the middle of the night, blistering my sleep with frantic anxiety. In time, I learned to take my life back. Al-Anon’s steps gave me the road map to recovery and, eventually, to happiness.

Today’s Promise to consider: The choice of how we live our lives is ours. We can choose to live in dread and misery or we can choose to live in serenity and peace. When our lives are crumbling around us, it’s not easy to strive toward happiness, but I will. For today, I will savor the day, smile and rejoice.

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Feb 28, 2013

CONTROL: WHAT WE CAN AND CAN’T

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Hope

Personal note: During a recent Al-Anon meeting, a woman brought in a hula-hoop. She stood, raised it above her head, lowered it to her waist and then dropped it to the floor. “Do you see,” she asked as she pointed to the hula-hoop around her feet, “the space inside the hoop? My sponsor explained that I can control what is inside the hoop. All that is outside the hoop is beyond my control.”

My reaction: This visual of the hula-hoop crystallized in my mind what is controllable in life and what is not. As a mom, I tried for years to control Jeff’s and Jeremy’s behaviors. As Head of School, I felt it was my job to control every aspect of the school. After years of seeing the futility of my actions, the limits of my control started to make sense.

Today’s Promise to consider: Wanting to control situations, especially during the chaos of addiction, is normal. Normal, but impossible. I have control over my behavior and my choices – the space inside the hula-hoop – but I can’t control the myriad of events outside the hoop. What I can do is continue to hope, stay close to my loved ones and pray for acceptance.

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Feb 21, 2013

FORGIVING: NEEDS REPEATING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, PART 3

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Hope, meditation

Dominique, my hospice counselor, said: When there has been harm done between two people, the choice to love takes on the face of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a permanent state. Why? Because the decision to love is not permanent. You cannot say to someone, “I chose to love you last year,” as though it were sufficient. The person would rightly respond, “Well, what about today!?” Love is always in the here and now. Forgiveness, therefore, must be repeated. My choice to forgive does not immediately heal the wounds.

My reaction: When we’re hurt by someone, we often need to forgive them many times for the same thing. The cuts are deep and our pains do not disappear after a single decision to forgive. I used to believe that once I made the choice to forgive, the fire in my belly would extinguish, but this is not the case. Forgiveness is ongoing.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I willing come to the table of forgiveness. I choose to forgive someone who has hurt me, and I will continue to choose over and over, every time I feel the pain arise. I will be patient with myself. As Jeff reminds me, “Time heals all wounds, but time takes time.”

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Feb 14, 2013

FORGIVING, PART 2: PERSONAL FREEDOM

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, Hope

A mom wrote: It took lots of years for me to forgive my father for abusing me. It took lots of years for me to forgive myself for not protecting my younger siblings from the abuse. I also had to forgive my mother for not protecting me.

I have found that you can never find serenity within yourself unless you can forgive. Forgiving is the secret to inner peace. I thank God everyday because without prayer and His guidance, I would not have been able to “feel” the overwhelming peace in my soul. That peace is forgiveness.

My reaction: My heart ached as I read this mom’s words. I felt myself welling up with anger and outrage at the heinous abuse by her father and the lack of protection by her mother. I felt deep sadness with her feelings of guilt for being powerless to stop the abuse and save her siblings. Her courage to face the memories and to forgive was critical to her own wellbeing. She has learned to forgive the person without excusing the act. As she writes, “Forgiving is the secret to inner peace.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Forgiving offers us an opportunity to find our personal serenity and freedom. It doesn’t mean we deny the hurt, lessen a person’s responsibility or justify abuse. What is does mean is that we move beyond the pain, despicable as the act might be, in the act of willful love. Today, I will pray for God’s help to move beyond the pain and turn my will toward love. Love will have the last word.

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Jan 31, 2013

EVERYDAY COURAGE: PART 3

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Hope

A mom wrote: I was the woman on the couch who cried and felt lost. I walked from room to room without purpose. I felt like a shell. I tried to fix my son over and over again. I don’t give up easily, but my interventions did not work. He got worse the more I tried.

I stopped trying in a bold way. I started to let go and started working on me. I started to accept more and to fret less. I can only change me. My son is getting better little by little. I don’t know if he will ever be the kid I thought I had. But I am healing.

My thoughts: This mom’s words reminded me of my journey. I, too, was the mom on the couch who felt lost. I was also the mom who worked relentlessly, afraid to stop for fear of being on the couch again. I wrote in my journal and prayed for wisdom. In time, I started to let go and reach out for help, especially to those in Al-Anon. I made a conscious decision to stop feeling powerless to change my son and, instead, focused on my power to change me.

Today’s Promise to consider: Courage can be as simple as getting out of bed in the morning or as they say in AA to “suit up and show up” even when our world is falling apart. For me, courage is based on faith. Today, I will pray for the courage to choose to make my health and serenity a priority and to allow my son the space he needs to choose sobriety for himself. Courage truly is fear that has said its prayers.

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Jan 17, 2013

TEACHING EVERYDAY COURAGE

by libbycataldi under Dialogue, family, Gratitude, Hope, meditation

A mom wrote to me: My daughter is in fourth grade and her class was discussing “courage.” The heading of her homework sheet was, “It takes Courage,” and it had several questions about defining/understanding/citing courage. Question D asked, “Describe a time in your own life when you think you showed courage.”

My daughter’s response was “by raising my hand when I think people are going to make fun of me.” Oh, I love this child.

My thoughts: Courage is a skill our children need, especially as they grow older and have to make their own decisions. After reading this mother’s message, I began wondering about Jeff’s early years of drug use. When he was offered drugs for the first time did he not have the courage to say no, was he curious and just said yes, or did he consider his options and make his own decision? I don’t know, but I do know that it took him immense courage to stop using. I also know that it takes immense courage for him to make the daily choice not to use.

Today’s Promise to consider: Life is filled with challenges and my child will need courage to face them. Learning this skill starts at home with encouragement and support. Today, I’ll urge my child to take risks, to raise her hand, to help someone in need or to say no with confidence. The little, everyday courageous acts will strengthen my child’s patterns of behavior. I’ll role model courage in my life.

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Jan 2, 2013

WISHING YOU A WONDERFUL WORLD IN 2013

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Hope, meditation

A mom wrote to the Stay Close blog: You make it possible for me to still believe every word of this song. My favorite. May the weeks (and year) ahead be filled with love & peace beyond all understanding.

A reflection on Eva Cassidy, who recorded this version of What A Wonderful World: Eva Cassidy died from cancer on November 2, 1996, at the age of 33 in her family home in Bowie, Maryland. In September 1996, she closed her final performance with this song at the Bayou in front of an audience of friends, fans and family.

Today’s Promise to consider: As we enter into 2013, I’ll remind myself that the world can be wonderful. No matter what we are going through and no matter what trials we are facing, we have each other and we are not alone.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEBBGSgO16M]

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Dec 27, 2012

ADDICTION AND THE HOLIDAYS

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Forgiveness, Hope, Recovery

I wrote this about the Christmas of 2006: My family knows well the Hell of addiction, but we know only our own Hell. Those who love addicts suffer. The addict suffers. No one is immune. In our family, we each handled our grief differently. Jeremy held things inside, caught in that gap between loving his brother and hiding the truth and loving his brother and telling the truth. Tim and I suffered and responded in our own divergent ways. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, no one knew what to do. During the Christmas of 2006, when neither son came home for our large Italian family gatherings, my brothers didn’t know what to say. They didn’t even know whether to invite me to the festivities. The cousins were confused; could they ask about Jeff or would it be kinder to leave him out of the conversation?

My reflection: The holidays put the addict on center stage when the accumulated chaos of his or her life, and ours, causes excruciating public pain. It is during these family gatherings of joy that addiction often taunts and mocks us the loudest.

Today’s Promise to consider: During the holidays, addiction can severely isolate us, making us feel ashamed of all the ways our lives are not as joyful as they’re supposed to be. I will avoid this dangerous place by being patient and compassionate with myself and my loved one. I will find my serenity in honesty and prayer. I will not allow addiction to rob us of our peace.

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