Hope Archives - Page 6 of 16

Jan 7, 2016

WHEN HE IS SOBER, HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: My son earned his college degree in May, but a few months later his life was spiraling out of control. He ended up in his first rehab in September. Soon after entering, he walked out even though we begged him to stay. A few months later, he entered his second rehab and walked out again, saying that he would try outpatient group. Then he was on suboxone and had to report to a group once a week. He entered another rehab last summer for a month, trying to get clean again. He came out of rehab his old self. When he is sober, he has a heart of pure gold!

My reflection: Our children are alive under the drugs, but the chaos of their using inevitably fogs all that is good, turning their best qualities against them. It is hard to remember their gentleness, especially when our loved one has been using for a long time. Addiction steals our child’s soul and gobbles his heart.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will not allow addiction to win. My child is alive under the drugs and I will not give up hope. I know my son’s heart is compassionate, loving and kind. I will stay close, pray and wait until he throws off the chains of his addiction and comes home to himself and to us.

0 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Dec 3, 2015

THE IMPORTANCE OF HOPE

by libbycataldi under Faith, Hope, Relapse, Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: I’m afraid. Recovery was going well, I thought. Making meetings, new job he likes, nice girlfriend…I was beginning to trust and hope. In the last week, money taken from my purse, relapse, violation of probation. Now it’s back to court and maybe prison this time. I’ve given up hope. I can’t do this again.

My reflection: There were many times when I, too, felt like giving up on hope and giving into fear. When Jeff’s addiction rose up again and again, the pain was overwhelming and I felt suffocated. I didn’t know what to do.

Today’s Promise to consider: Hope can be fragile and fear can be powerful. But if we lose faith and hope, we lose our oxygen. Today, I’ll stay close to my loved one and allow him to fight his own battles. I’ll keep hope alive – for him and for me.

“We can’t be armor for our children. We can only be supporting troops.” Irwin Shaw

4 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Nov 5, 2015

IN HONOR OF THEIR JOURNEY

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Courage, Faith, family, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

When you meet a clean drug addict

You meet a hero.

Their mortal enemy slumbers within them:

They can never outrun their disability.

They make their way through a world of drug abuse,

In an environment that does not understand them.

Society, puffed up with shameful ignorance,

Looks on them with contempt,

As if they were a second-class citizen 

Because they dare to swim against the stream of drugs

 But you must know:

 No better people are made than this.

~Friedrich von Bodelschwingh 1831-1910

My reflection: Addicts are often considered second-class citizens, junkies, losers and scourges in the community. While it’s true that our loved ones in active addiction are not contributing to society, it’s also true that when they find the strength to live in sobriety, they return to life with a commitment to service, to help others and to make a difference.

Today’s Promise to consider: It takes courage for someone addicted to drugs to pick himself up and to change his life. It takes strength for him to live a life of abstinence. It takes grace for him to serve others and to give back. Today, when I meet a person in recovery, I’ll tip my hat in honor of his journey.

3 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Oct 1, 2015

I WAS BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF DESPERATION

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, Recovery, Service

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A recovering addict wrote, Things couldn’t be better for me. I’m almost nine months sober, very active in a 12-step program and working at Apple. Life is drama free and I’m keeping things as simple as possible. No sex and relationships for a year! I volunteer to be of service, and I even pray and meditate daily – most days that is. Life has finally smoothed out. No more daily pain and depression. I’m involved and present with my family and loved ones. I’m well, content! Can you believe it?? It took long enough! But I was blessed with the gift of desperation…finally! And I was ready for change. So here I am!

My reflection: This young man’s renewed enthusiasm for life is inspiring. He wrote that he was blessed with the gift of desperation which is something The Big Book of AA points to as a profound turning point in many lives. The desperation of drowning in pain caused by active addiction is a powerful force and provided him the willingness to make some crucial changes.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addicts are not the only ones who are blessed with the gift of desperation. When my son was at his worst, I, too, was desperate, and it was at that moment that I learned to surrender. Today, I pray that all our loved ones, who are suffering with addiction, will be gifted with the strength to start on the road to a healthy life. And I pray for all of us, who love them, for our peace.

4 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Jul 16, 2015

LETTING GO OF THE PAST

by libbycataldi under Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

Jeff said to me, I read a passage this morning about how we are often slaves to our conditioning – events of the past, boxes society creates for us, people’s expectations and past hurts. Our minds recreate those stories constantly and lay them overtop of our current lives, typically without us realizing it.

My reflection: This thought of recreating our past or expecting the same story to happen again resonates with me. For years after Jeff’s recovery, I was looking for the lies to reoccur, examining his eyes for any indication of relapse and trying to gird myself for what might happen. Instead of enjoying the healthy moments with him, I often carried the old stories and hurts forward.

Today’s Promise to consider: The past is the past, and although it invariably shapes us, we need to learn from it and let go of it. Carrying former hurts on our backs like a turtle carries his shell helps no one. Today, I will not live in fear that the past might reoccur. I won’t waste precious time with my loved one.

6 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

May 7, 2015

SUPPORT GROUPS: I’LL KEEP COMING BACK

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, meditation, Recovery

Granddaughter Iysa and Nonna

I attended my first Al-Anon meeting almost 20 years ago and I wrote in my journal: There were twelve people in the basement of a church, and everyone had an alcoholic husband or wife. They talked about taking one day at a time and about how they needed to take care of themselves. What was I doing there? I am a mother and my son is an addict. I didn’t go to the meeting to learn how to take care of myself. I went to learn how to protect him, fix him, and help him. I don’t think I’ll go back.

My reflection: I went to three different meetings before I found my home group, a community of people that would love and support me through the most challenging times of my life. In the halls of Al-Anon, I learned that I was not alone and that others knew my pain. I learned that addiction doesn’t discriminate and that I could trust others to be there for me. I learned that there was wisdom, real wisdom, in taking one day at a time. I’m glad I kept going back.

Today’s Promise to consider: Al-Anon meetings and support groups are filled with parents of addicted children. I was one of those parents who needed help without judgment. I still go to meetings: to help myself and to help others. Community is part of the healing. Today, I’ll reach out my hand. We’re all walking together toward home.

5 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Apr 9, 2015

PATIENCE IN RECOVERY

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Faith, Gratitude, Hope

When Jeff had been healthy for three years, I wrote: My son’s growth is evident. He laughs more easily, he watches more calmly and he protects himself better. He knows where he hurts and he pays attention to what is coming. He’s more reflective, thoughtful, less impulsive, and more honest. He has good friends. He is becoming the strong and caring man he was always meant to be. Recovery takes time.

My reflection: One year earlier, Jeff told me, “When I awake in the morning, I know if it’s going to be a good day. Some mornings, I reach for a word and it’s like reaching into the fog. I can’t grasp it. Other mornings, when I reach for a word, I pluck it easily out of the air.” He continued, “I’m frustrated that some days aren’t clear, but I guess it will take time. I need to be patient.”

Today’s Promise to consider: We all need to be patient during recovery – both addict and parent. Changing lives, behaviors and systems takes time. Today, I will remain patient with my addicted loved one and not jump ahead of the process. The joy is in sobriety, one day at a time.

9 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Apr 2, 2015

A POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF

by libbycataldi under Faith, Gratitude, Hope

A recovering addict told me, I was addicted for 30 years and was never able to get sober until I turned my world and life over to a power greater than myself. You know, I’m becoming more spiritual as time goes on and it’s beautiful. Like this morning, up at 5:30 watching the sun rise, having a cup of coffee, admiring my new BBQ I bought and it was just you know, thank God, this is so great. I could not imagine myself 20 years ago in this position.

My reflection: In talking with many recovering addicts, spirituality or ‘coming to believe in a power greater than myself’ are central themes in beating addiction and living a productive, sober life. They have discovered a God of their understanding that provides them peace and perspective.

Today’s Promise to consider: There are many ways to get clean and to live a good life, but believing in something bigger than we are big, something both outside and within ourselves, can make a difference in recovery. Life still is difficult and can be sticky, but our reliance on a power greater than ourselves can give us serenity and strength.

8 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Mar 12, 2015

A FUTURE BECAUSE OF MY PAST

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Courage, family, Gratitude, Hope, Stay Close

Son Jeremy and his daughter Iysa

A recovering addict wrote to me and he signed his name with this postscript: a survivor with a future because of my past.

My reflection: These words reminded me that addiction is a great teacher. Just as cancer taught me to appreciate every day, addiction taught me to stay close and believe in a future for my family. The most important lessons in my life didn’t come from my degrees, but they came from the challenges and heartbreak of my past.

Today’s Promise to consider: If we choose to learn from our history, we can be wise. The footsteps that are behind us can’t be erased, but we can create new footsteps – the ones we’ll take today and tomorrow.

5 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment

Mar 5, 2015

WHAT WILL BE YOUR MESSAGE TO THE WORLD?

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, Jeremy, Stay Close

Granddaughter Iysa

Jimmy Demers, friend and superb vocalist, inspires the world through music. I listened to this song as I drove through the deserts of California and Arizona last month. The landscape was majestically powerful and so is this track.

My reflection: As I played this song repeatedly, I found myself wondering, what will be my message to the world? What message will my sons, Jeff and Jeremy, leave? We all have a story. The human experience teaches us so much. Is it not our responsibility to share that learning and to leave a message?

Today’s Promise to consider: This song beckoned me to reflect on how I’m living day-to-day and what message I hope to leave when I pass. My answer is clear: Stay Close. Life is difficult and suffering is unavoidable, but the human spirit is strong. I’ll never quit believing in truth, in beauty and in my sons. Addiction tried to rob our family of us, but it didn’t succeed. We learned and grew from the trauma.

Message to the World, written by Terry Coffey and Donnie Demers, sung by Jimmy Demers https://soundcloud.com/musical_wheels/message-to-the-world

5 Comments.

View Comments | Leave a Comment