meditation Archives - Page 6 of 14

Jan 29, 2015

COMING HOME

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Jeff, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

Jeff and niece Iysa

A mom wrote to me, My son is coming home from treatment next week and I am excited to see him and at the same time afraid he will relapse. He knows what we are asking of him, but I remember when he was living at home we had many arguments because he was using and did not listen to us. Now that he is coming home, what should I do if he goes back to using and doesn’t listen to us again?

My reflection: I asked Dr. MacAfee for his advice, and he explained that, before the son left treatment, it was important for him to have a plan for continuing care and a list of people to call for help and support. For the family, boundaries were critical to put into place, i.e. what would they do if he were to relapse. The son needed to tell his parents how he would like them to help him accomplish his plan for sobriety along with him, not for him.

Today’s Promise to consider: When Jeff completed treatment and came home again, I felt great joy and hope But I was also afraid. Would he use again? Would he come home and respect the boundaries we had in place? These were normal fears. Al-Anon and other family support programs helped me. So did prayer.

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Jan 8, 2015

TRUSTING AGAIN

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, meditation, Recovery

Jeff, Libby, cousin Ferdinando

A mom wrote to me, I wrote to you a few years ago about my son’s gambling addiction. As every parent, we barely functioned for almost three years. After his marriage of two years ended, he went to rehab and a halfway house for some time. Today, he has a good job, met a great girl and seems to be doing well. He just announced his engagement and even though things seem better, I worry. I know I should have a positive outlook, but the past haunts me. How do you ever begin to trust and live without fear?

My reflection, I once asked Dr MacAfee this same question, “How do I learn to trust again? The past is hard to forget and I worry what might happen in the future.” The good doctor said, “Your feelings are normal. You’ve been vigilant a long time. Be patient with yourself.”

Today’s Promise to consider, Trusting that a recovering loved one will stay well and not return to the chaos of addiction is difficult. Most of us have been deeply scarred by years of turbulence. Today, I’ll be gentle with myself. I’ll breathe, acknowledge my fear and move toward releasing my worry. In doing so, I learn to live with trust. My loved one deserves this effort. So do I.

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Jan 1, 2015

THE PAUSE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Faith, meditation, Stay Close

Arthur Rubinstein, the well-known pianist, was asked, “How do you handle the notes as well as you do?” His response was immediate and passionate, “I handle notes no better than many others, but the pauses – ah! That is where the art resides.”

My reflection, Magic often happens during the pause, a moment when something to be discovered is given the opportunity to rise up. When Jeff was in active addiction, I was afraid of the silences, when I didn’t hear from him or when I didn’t know how to respond to addiction’s continuing problems. In time, I learned to ‘stay close’ and allowed space for the pause. It was in those moments when my Higher Power could do the work.

Today’s Promise to consider: Instead of filling the air with words and trying to solve every problem, I will pause and allow the purity of silence to provide space for me to reflect and think. On this New Year’s Day, I’ll pause, open my heart and listen to the inspiration that resides there.

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Sep 4, 2014

NO BLAME

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, meditation

Jeff and niece Iysa

A mother wrote to me: My son was a star athlete in high school and at age seventeen began his downward spiral into this insidious disease. I taught in the school district that he attended so it was doubly hard getting calls just about every day from the RN to take him for a drug test. He fell asleep in class or didn’t even show up for school. I blamed myself – his dad and I had separated before this nightmare began so I assumed he took drugs to medicate himself or to use as a band-aid.

My reaction: We parents often blame ourselves for our child’s addiction. When our child is broken and ill, we would rather point to anyone, even ourselves, before we blame our addicted loved one. We feel powerless and assigning fault comes easily in moments of crisis.

Today’s Promise:Many experts say that addiction is an illness. Who is to blame for this illness? I will blame no one. Our family is affected by addiction. I will accept it, find strength in God and my recovering community, and go forward.

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Aug 21, 2014

FINDING COMFORT IN DISCOMFORT

by libbycataldi under Faith, meditation

A mom sent me this quote by Pema Chödrön: We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

My reflection: Life’s problems can throw us into a state of confusion and despair. When Jeff was in active addiction, things came together for a moment and I felt such hope, only to be followed by things falling apart again, and worse. Even now, with Jeff healthy and drug free, there are many painful moments in life.

Today’s Promise to consider: Life is about us maintaining personal peace in the face of its constant challenges and finding comfort in the uncomfortable feelings. Instead of running from the pain, today I’ll work to be like the ocean – deep and stable, anchored in God – and not like the waves above me, tossing about, sometimes jarring, sometimes quiet.

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Aug 14, 2014

NEW CAMALDOLI HERMITAGE: SILENCE AS GIFT

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, meditation, Recovery

Jeff and I attended a silent retreat this past weekend at New Camaldoli Hermitage, a monastery in Big Sur, where we lived three days in silence and contemplation. Without cell phone service or Internet I thought I wouldn’t survive, but what I discovered is that by disconnecting from the daily drumbeat of life I allowed myself the space to connect with the sounds of my head and heart. Mother Teresa says that God speaks to us in the silence of our soul.

My reflection: My head is constantly filled with the noise of daily life, whooshing and whizzing through my brain. This is especially true during crises, like when Jeff was sick and addiction had him by the throat. Even in times of stability and health, my mind is a whirlwind. What I learned this weekend is that through silence, I was forced to look inward, where it can be scary and unsettling, to face myself and touch the breath of God within.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will take a moment to be completely still, to quiet my mind and spend some time in solitude. I will make an opening in my spirit to experience God’s closeness – a closeness that our busy, modern lives so quickly obscure.

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Aug 7, 2014

LIVING IN THE PRESENT

by libbycataldi under Faith, Gratitude, meditation, Stay Close

A mom sent me a quote: When the Dalai Lama was asked what surprised him most about humanity, he answered, Man. He is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.

My reflection: Living in the present moment sounds easy, but I find it hard to do. The human mind is a whirlwind, twisting among problems, goals and projections. When Jeff was in active addiction, I spent most of my days with one foot in the past, second-guessing what I should have done differently, or in the future, worrying about what I would do when some catastrophe occurred.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will work hard to live in the present. When my mind drifts into the past or the future, I will gently bring it back to the moment. I’ll harness my monkey mind and live today, for today, knowing the past is over and trusting that God will take care of the future.

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Jul 10, 2014

CHOOSING LOVE OVER HATE

by libbycataldi under meditation

A mom sent this quote to me, There always remains a choice to be made between the creative power of love and life and the destructive power of hatred and death. I, too, must make that choice myself, again and again. Nobody else, not even God, will make that choice for me.

My reflection: The battle between good and bad, love and hate, is an old one. Dr. MacAfee says it another way, “Hate depletes and desiccates. Love nurtures and is generous.” When Jeff was in active addiction, I struggled with many emotions because of the suffocating pain of addiction. In time, I learned how to compartmentalize my emotions to say, “I will always love my son, but I hate the addiction.”

Today’s Promise: Life is full of dualities and addiction brings them front and center. Only I can choose the creative power of love or the destructive power of hate. Today, I am clear: I hate the addiction – it is destructive and evil. But I will always and forever love my son, even through all his struggles.

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Jul 3, 2014

COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope, Jeff, meditation

A mom wrote to me, My recovering son told me he still has a lot of fear, and sometimes it holds him back, even from doing wonderful things in his life like meeting friends, going back to school, applying for a new job or going on a date. I guess this is normal – many of us have fears – but how much harder it must be for a recovering addict.

My reflection: Dr. MacAfee says that addiction is the loss of self and that recovery of self is a transformative process that takes time and perseverance. When Jeff made the decision to live a sober life, I told him, “You have a lot of courage to do this again, Jeff.” He paused and then said quietly, almost to himself, “Courage? That’s a word rarely used with addicts. Yeah, it takes courage.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Recovery offers our loved ones the freedom to rediscover their identity and, in time, their real and authentic personalities emerge. Today, I will recognize the enormity of this fight and the tenacity it takes for them to face and win this battle. For me, I must trust God and work diligently my program of recovery so that fear is replaced with courage.

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Jun 26, 2014

FAMILIES: LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Forgiveness, Hope, meditation

In response to last week’s meditation, a mom wrote to me, I find not only the addicts don’t love themselves, but their family members – especially a spouse or parent – feel the same about themselves. What a vicious disease – robbing both the addict and someone close to him of self-love.

My reflection: Addiction is a family disease that often leaves us feeling guilty, shamed and devoid of self-love. When Jeff was in active addiction, I spent most days tangled within the illness, blaming myself and wondering what I could have done differently. As a mom, I wanted to fix things and drive addiction out of our home, but it doesn’t work that way. I was powerless and my sense of guilt was counterproductive.

Today’s Promise to consider: I can’t blame anyone for my loved one’s addiction because there is no blame. It just is. Today I will take care of myself by doing the things I know promote health and peace. I will pray, rely on my support group and reach out to the people around me who are suffering.

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