meditation Archives - Page 8 of 14

Nov 1, 2012

HOPE IN THE FACE OF DESPAIR

by libbycataldi under Hope, meditation, Resentments

A mother wrote to me: I enjoy your weekly emails, but recently have begun to feel resentful and jealous of these inspirational stories. I guess that’s because after all these years, I feel powerless and hopeless. My hope has turned to fear and my love is turning to hate. I am financially and emotionally drained. My son has been to seven different rehabs and is currently in detox. He was sober for eighteen months while being monitored in a drug-court program, but started using again after he completed the program. I have no strength to go on. I am desperately seeking help, but no longer know where to turn.

My reaction: I thank this mother for writing because I, too, know this feeling of pain and resentment. I have felt my hope turning to fear and my love on the verge of despair. I have wondered why another family seemed to be doing well and mine didn’t. Why do some kids achieve and succeed while others don’t? Why is my son an addict when many of his friends are not? I’ve learned there are no answers. And when I stopped searching for them, I found peace.

Today’s Promise to consider: Bad things happen to good people. This is a hard, but undeniable fact of life. I acknowledge that my loved one and my family are in pain; however, even when faced with hardship, I’ll work hard to maintain hope. I’ll reach out my hand for support to Al-Anon and in prayer. As long as there is life, there is hope.

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Oct 25, 2012

RELAPSES: WE TEND TO FORGET

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me: My son keeps trying to push his addiction. He has been sober for nine months. This past week, he decided to “try” and drink again. I keep telling him, you can’t drink and drug, and of course I got the, “I am getting healthier, Mom,” spiel. He got so sick when he came home he threw up with such force that he busted veins in his face. He is not allowed to drink in our home, but for now I’ll let the situation play itself out. The consequences might do the trick. I keep praying!

My reaction: Father Martin at Father Martin’s Ashley, Jeff’s first recovery center, told this story, “There was an alcoholic who, after 20 years of sobriety, decided he was healed. He walked into a bar on his way home from work and had a drink. He left after the drink, proud of himself. The next day, he stopped again. Two drinks this time, leaving after the second drink. On the way home, he thought he had this addiction thing under control. The next day, he stopped again for a few drinks and never made it home.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Changing behavior is difficult, and many medical experts believe that addiction and alcoholism are life-long conditions that require constant vigilance. As time passes, it’s human nature to tend to forget how bad the bad things were in our lives. If my loved one relapses, I will allow him to feel the consequences of his choices. I am grateful he is sober today, and I pray he chooses health tomorrow.

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Oct 18, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 4

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Hope, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A mom wrote to Jeff, Very interesting to hear you say that while your life is not perfect and everyday is challenging, you have a peace about it. I get this. While very different, sometimes I cannot believe how I have continued to move forward since my husband passed, how I can be at peace and even generally happy, how I have had to accept that what I thought would be my future with my best friend and the life that I envisioned…will not be. I can only attribute this attitude and “peace” to my spiritual relationship. Jeff, so glad you have found this.

My response: I want to write that I, too, have peace, but I still struggle. I believe that my spiritual core needs strengthened. I need to nurture it, be silent and pray more. As Mother Teresa says, “In the silence of the heart God speaks. It is only when you realize your emptiness that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will take ten minutes at the beginning of my day to be still and try to silence the noise in my head. I will open my heart to a feeling of peace. I will make this part of my morning routine.

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Sep 13, 2012

RELATIONSHIP AND BOUNDARIES

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, meditation, Stay Close

A mom said to Dr. MacAfee: I’m trying to remember who we were before addiction hit our doors, flooded our house and left us homeless.

Dr. MacAfee’s response: Once the young person is off and running with drugs, things become much more difficult. Relationship is essential in dealing with addiction, but the question is what does a healthy relationship look like. Honesty is critical. Parents must say what they mean and mean what they say – boundaries must be clear so that loved one knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what is acceptable and what isn’t. Screaming isn’t the answer, whereas putting all the cards on the table in a direct and honest way is. As one mother recently told her son, “If you felt good about what you were doing, you wouldn’t be sneaking around.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Relationship and boundaries are critical when dealing with addiction, as with many problems. Today I will communicate with rigorous honesty. I’ll put my cards on the table and be clear about my boundaries. We all have decisions to make and I can’t decide for anyone else, but I will decide for myself. I’ll stay close and out of the chaos.

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Jul 11, 2012

FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Hope, meditation, Stay Close

From left to right: Son Jeff, Aunt Darlene, Uncle/Brother JF, Grandmom/Mom Laura, Nephew Bob, Niece Rebecca, Son Jeremy

My brother wrote this and it touched me. Following is an excerpt: “Hi, Dad. I have another question for you, but you should be honored because you’re the first person I think of to ask any tricky question….”

My daughter. Another in a long line of e-mail questions from my accomplished, 27-year-old daughter, Rebecca, who, despite her youth, has traveled the world. She now works for an organization that occasionally sends her to central Pakistan to work with Muslim female schools (madrasas) to try to show them how many Islamic views are similar to Christian ones, to effect a dialogue. I told her, “Beck, I know you get excited about this, but it’s pretty tough on the Old Man until you get back.” She said, “Dad, don’t you understand? It’s the confidence that you’ve always showed in me that gives me the courage to do all this stuff.”

Confidence…courage…to go into hostile areas…I gave her that? I raised her with two principles: that I loved her completely, and that would never, and could never, change. (Which doesn’t mean that I didn’t discipline her a ton of times growing up. I did. All kids need that. Doesn’t affect the love.) The other principle was that she had to be a good person. She had to do the right thing.

As for me, I don’t much care when I die, (but) I want to have time to say goodbye to my loved ones. I want enough time for Beck to get to me from whatever far-flung outpost she happens to be. I want to tell her I love her one more time. Maybe she’ll ask me a question. After all, I’m her Dad.

(To read the original: http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/opinion/perspectives/first-person-fathers-and-daughters-329029/)

Today’s Promise to consider: Parents and our children: Fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. I love my sons, and that can never and will never change. I know they are good persons and I pray they always do the right thing. After all, I’m their mom.

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Jun 21, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE USING STOPS: PART 2

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope, meditation

Uncle Jeff and niece Iysa

A mom asks Dr. MacAfee: I understand what you write, “Recovery is always an individual endeavor and also requires a supportive community.” I also know how hard it has been to love my son unconditionally through all the rehabs, failed attempts, restarts, continued use and damage to relationships. My husband and I are trying hard to support his current attempt at recovery. I know the road is very difficult for the addict and my heart breaks for my son, but I also have a broken heart for the rest of us. So much healing is needed. How does healing happen?

Dr. MacAfee responds: We all want healing to be an end game, but it doesn’t happen that way. Healing comes a layer at a time. For some, healing is totally dependent on the sobriety of the addict and this highlights the difference between helping and enabling.

To the mom above, you might say to your child, “I have discovered that there is only room for one of us in your addiction. I have decided to leave you in charge of the consequences of your addiction. Ironically, I find this decision both terrifying and liberating, but also healing. I want you to be whole again and I fear all our help has stood in your way. It’s hard for me to face my getting out of your way, but I realize that it is healing for you, too.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close, love my child and not abandon him, but I will get out of the way of the chaos of his addiction. My peace will come from knowing that I’ve done everything I could have done. I will endure and pray.

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Jun 6, 2012

ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, meditation

Author Stephen King writes, “There’s a phrase, “the elephant in the living room,” which purports to describe what it’s like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, “How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn’t you see the elephant in the living room?” And it’s so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth, “I’m sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn’t know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture.” There comes an aha-moment for some folks – the lucky ones – when they suddenly recognize the difference.”

My reaction: Stephen King took his first drink in 1966, age 18, and never stopped. He writes, “Alcoholics build defenses like Dutch build dikes.” And I did the same with my family. I built defenses, isolated myself and denied that addiction was the elephant in the room.

Today’s Promise to consider: I’ll face my fears today. I’ll force myself out of delusion, out of illusion and out of pretending that the problem doesn’t exist. I won’t allow my fear to lock me in place. I will trust God. I will act.

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Jan 5, 2012

MOTHER TO SON

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, meditation, Recovery

Hughes photographed by Carl Van Vechten, 1936

Langston Hughes wrote the following poem. We offer it to you for the New Year. Our children learn from our example. As my dad used to say, “When you’re a parent, there is no quit.”

Well, son, I’ll tell you:

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It’s had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor —

Bare.

But all the time

I’se been a-climbin’ on,

And reachin’ landin’s,

And turnin’ corners,

And sometimes goin’ in the dark

Where there ain’t been no light.

So boy, don’t you turn back.

Don’t you set down on the steps

‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now —

For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,

And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

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Dec 29, 2011

LISTENING WITHOUT JUDGING

by libbycataldi under meditation

A mom wrote to me: I know we are not alone, but I almost avoided a gathering at my mother’s house with some dear neighborhood friends because I didn’t want to be asked how my sons were doing and have to pretend all is well. My dad has passed and his dearest friend asked me how I was doing with my boys. I answered honestly, “Not the best.” He replied with kindness, “I’m sorry. I see you are struggling.” He understood and didn’t judge me. I am blessed to have shared a few minutes with him.

My personal reaction to the passage above: The Big Book of AA says that addiction can only be defeated through rigorous honesty. There were many times I lied about my son’s addiction and our family problems. After many years and many failed attempts, I finally decided to respond honestly.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today I will listen to others without judging. I will respect their right to respond with truth and I will be there for them, just as others were there for me.

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Dec 22, 2011

HOLIDAYS

by libbycataldi under meditation

A mom and grandmother wrote to me: When people at work talk about their kids and grandkids I feel myself die inside and hope they don’t ask me about mine because I feel such sadness, shame and embarrassment. I know my husband and I can’t let our son’s choices dictate our happiness, but I am finding it so hard to carry on with everyday life when I’m screaming inside with sadness and worry. Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time but I’m left wondering if my son is sleeping somewhere warm and if he’s safe. I feel despair.

My personal reaction: There are four words often used to describe addiction: Shame, Secrets, Stigma and Silence. I remember well praying that no one would ask me about Jeff because I didn’t know what to say. I remember lying, “He’s fine. He’s working in Florida.” I remember trying to feel happiness, but finding it impossible. During the Christmas season, it all felt heavier.

Today’s Promise to consider: Many of us struggle with problems and although Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time, it doesn’t always feel like it. For today, I accept that life can be difficult and I pray that tomorrow will be better. For today, I am grateful for what I have. For today, my spirit will feel serenity.

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