Recovery Archives - Page 13 of 20

Aug 14, 2014

NEW CAMALDOLI HERMITAGE: SILENCE AS GIFT

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, meditation, Recovery

Jeff and I attended a silent retreat this past weekend at New Camaldoli Hermitage, a monastery in Big Sur, where we lived three days in silence and contemplation. Without cell phone service or Internet I thought I wouldn’t survive, but what I discovered is that by disconnecting from the daily drumbeat of life I allowed myself the space to connect with the sounds of my head and heart. Mother Teresa says that God speaks to us in the silence of our soul.

My reflection: My head is constantly filled with the noise of daily life, whooshing and whizzing through my brain. This is especially true during crises, like when Jeff was sick and addiction had him by the throat. Even in times of stability and health, my mind is a whirlwind. What I learned this weekend is that through silence, I was forced to look inward, where it can be scary and unsettling, to face myself and touch the breath of God within.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will take a moment to be completely still, to quiet my mind and spend some time in solitude. I will make an opening in my spirit to experience God’s closeness – a closeness that our busy, modern lives so quickly obscure.

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Jul 31, 2014

HOPE

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

A mother wrote to me: My son is an alcoholic and has just returned from Iraq. Today he is good, and I pray that tomorrow will be the same. He is working his program in AA, and I am staying close to him and to my support group in Al-Anon. There are winners in recovery and it’s important for us to keep solid role models of hope out there, in front of us, to keep us all going.

My reflection: For all of us across the spectrum of recovery, it’s critical that we see positive examples of wellness and success. I am on a rowing team of breast cancer survivors and we join together as a visible example that there is life after cancer. We know we’re lucky to have survived and we row together for our own health and to offer others hope.

Jeff talks about the “old timers” in AA who are sober and have lived in sobriety for decades. They “keep coming back” to give hope, share wisdom and support others. In Al-Anon, I look to our “old timers” who know my wounds and help me stay centered in the face of life’s challenges.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will remember that there are people who have survived the chaos of addiction. I will look to them for guidance and point to their successes. Where there is life, there is hope.

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Jun 19, 2014

ADDICTS: LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES

by libbycataldi under Communication, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A recovering addict sent me this quote, We could search the whole world over and never find another being more worthy of our love than ourselves.

My reflection: I talked with Jeff about this, and he said, “A lack of self love is typically one of the core issues facing addicts. Especially when we start to get sober, we beat ourselves up for all the pain we caused the people around us. Thankfully, that’s what the program of AA provides – a community that genuinely cares about us when we have a hard time finding that care in ourselves. Ultimately, we come to find that love within ourselves, but it takes time.”

Today’s Promise written by Jeff: Self love seems foreign, insane and impossible to the addict, but I’ve seen with my own eyes countless recovering people make the transition from self loathing to self love. Today I will allow my recovering community to love me when I can’t love myself. I will trust that by staying committed to the program of AA and leaning on my Higher Power that love will begin to take hold in my heart.

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Jun 5, 2014

MEETING AVERSION WITH COMPASSION

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Jeff, meditation, Recovery, Resentments

Jeff sent me a passage from a text he’s reading, Aversion is not the enemy; it is just the normal reaction of the mind and body to pain. Whatever the hurt we feel – whether of mind, body or emotion – our biological survival mechanism tries to get rid of it. The problem is that we don’t actually have the ability to escape from all of the painful experiences in life. It can’t be done. The good news is that by greeting those painful moments and feelings with compassion, we decrease our personal suffering and bring about an experience of well being.

My reaction: Facing a situation that is uncomfortable or painful is difficult. This can be as simple as having to clean the house or exercise, where I can think of ten things to do first like checking email or calling someone on the phone before I start. In this way, I avert facing what is unpleasant and substitute distractions that give me pleasure. Aversion can also be complicated and lead to huge trouble like drugs. Jeff tells me that drugs help in the same way, “Instead of facing painful situations, drugs allowed me to deaden my senses and go under.” Some people might use food or shopping, others might use pornography or drugs.

Today’s Promise to consider: When life becomes painful, I can find many ways to avoid or avert it – from the small tasks to the big problems. Today, I will face my problems without anger or disdain. I’ll see clearly the difficulty, call it out by name and face it with compassion for myself and others.

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May 8, 2014

TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS

by libbycataldi under Faith, Gratitude, Recovery, Service

A recovering addict wrote to me:
27 months.
Upward, outward.
Freedom, Choices.
Autonomy.
The miracle of contented sobriety.
From the fiery wreckage of one life, the sprigs of a new life emerge…
for me, for my family, and for those around me.
Hope is available through God-dependence and service to others.

My reflection: This young man’s words are full of promise and gratitude. His chains of addiction now broken, his life is an example of sobriety in action. This is powerful and reminds those of us who love addicts that a sober life is indeed possible.

Today’s Promise to consider: When we feel desperate, at our wits-end, and ready to give up, let us remember that where there is life there is hope. For today, I’ll hold on to this recovering addict’s words, “From the fiery wreckage of one life, the sprigs of a new life emerge…Hope is available through God-dependence and service to others.”

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May 1, 2014

GOSSIP: PLUCKING A GUINEA HEN

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Recovery, Resentments

Jeff shared a story with me: “One day an Elder told a novice to go fetch a guinea hen. When he returned with it, the Elder told him to pluck it. The novice obeyed, and when he was finished, the Elder said, “Now, put all the feathers back.” Bewildered, the novice finally protested, “But it’s already plucked! I can’t put the feathers back.” “Correct,” the Elder replied, “and it’s the same when you say bad things about your brothers. You pluck away at their reputation, and if you keep on, it may be lost forever.”

My reflection: Gossip is a part of any community. I remember how awful it felt knowing that people were talking about Jeff and our family’s problems. In fact, in Stay Close, I wrote, “Convinced that Jeff was a major topic of conversation in the school, I spiraled into a kind of paranoia.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction is perfect fodder for gossip, but it is destructive and does no good. Today, I won’t be a part of it and will refuse to pluck away at someone’s reputation or integrity. I’ll be mindful of what I say and will respond with compassion and respect.

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Apr 24, 2014

REBIRTH IN RECOVERY: A LITTLE LIKE EASTER

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

Jeff and Jeremy, 1982

A mom wrote to me: My daughter’s addiction was without doubt the darkest time in my life. She was not dead, but she may as well have been; the loving, beautiful, tender-hearted girl I’d raised and loved was lost to me. Thanks to the Grace of God, Al-Anon, and more than a few very wise counselors, I was able to get out of her way and wait patiently and hopefully – often fearfully – for a change. Now in our eighth year of recovery, every morning feels a little like Easter to me. It’s vital for those of us who have experienced this special kind of rebirth, even for short periods of time, to serve as a witness of hope to others who are in that desperate and dark place.

My reflection: Rebirth, that time when our addicted loved ones come back to themselves and to us, can happen. Everyday, I give thanks that Jeff came home, most importantly to himself. Everyday, I am grateful that we have him for one more day. Everyday, I pray that he continues to make good choices.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction’s lair is filled with stories of both victory and of deep loss. I acknowledge there are no guarantees for sobriety, but I am grateful today for my son’s health. My sons and I celebrate all those who have found their way out of the grips of addiction. It’s a journey of courage and rebirth.

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Apr 17, 2014

SIXTEEN YEARS LATER: WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

A mom wrote: I am an ever-recovering mother of a recovering, healing addict. After sixteen years of using, tomorrow is my son’s one-year anniversary. Take heart, take heart. Never give up hope.

My reflection: There were many times I wanted to give up hope that Jeff would ever be well. I felt that if I could just cut his addiction out of my life that the suffocating agony would end. The pain of hoping that Jeff would turn his life around was just too excruciating. It took me years to realize that I had no control over the addiction and that chasing him around was folly. But I could never quit praying, believing and hoping that one day Jeff would return to himself and to us. And fourteen years later, he did.

Today’s Promise to consider: Stories of recovery are important whether our loved one is in active addiction or not. Jeff once asked me to never quit believing and I didn’t. For today, we’ll find the courage to continue to believe.

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Apr 10, 2014

EXCERPTS FROM HENRI NOUWEN, PART 3: FROM RESENTMENT TO GRATITUDE

by libbycataldi under Faith, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery, Resentments

Woman Dancing (1809-1812) by Antonio Canova

Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and theologian, wrote, I once saw a stonecutter remove great pieces from a huge rock on which he was working. In my imagination I thought, That rock must be hurting terribly. Why does his man wound the rock so much? But as I looked longer, I saw the figure of a graceful dancer emerge gradually from the stone. (Turn My Mourning into Dancing)

My reflection: There were times in my life when I looked toward the heavens, screaming and beseeching God to stop my problems. I knew the saying, “God only gives us what we can handle,” and I had had enough. I felt pummeled and couldn’t understand why God thought I should be the grateful recipient of so much grief. Now, I better understand that everything in my life (both good and bad) provided a chance to learn and grow.

Today’s Promise to consider: Most of us want life to be easy, enjoyable and comfortable; however, today I acknowledge that the difficult times are what make us into the person we are. Like a sculptor chipping away at marble, the best version of me is underneath many layers.

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Mar 20, 2014

THE POWER OF SUPPORT GROUPS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Recovery

Libby, Louise, Jackie, Jackie and Teresa

Libby, Louise, Teresa, Jackie and Jackie

A mom and dad wrote to me, After our son was clean for 18 months, we began sharing our story at a local treatment center’s family workshop. First we talked with families, then separately with the patients. We always suggest Al Anon.

Last week, a young male patient, who had been lounging on the couch seemingly disinterested, spoke up. “Excuse me, Ma’am,” he began politely. “Thank you for coming and all, but I don’t want my mom to go to Al Anon. I don’t want her in my business. She’s already too much in my life and I don’t want her in any more of it.”

Several fellow patients jumped in. “You don’t get it,” they chimed. “That’s WHY you want your mom to go to Al Anon. It’s not for you. It’s for HER. That’ll get her OFF your back!”

My husband and I were surprised that in a roomful of addicts so many understood there was a program to help their families – and they were eager to learn more. The visit reminded us, again, that addiction is a family disease.

My reflection: There are many support groups for families of addicts. Although I attend Al-Anon, there are many others. The support of my group is essential to my serenity. When I finally stumbled, broken, into an Al-Anon meeting, I found compassion and understanding. The people in those rooms helped me carry my burden.

Today’s Promise to consider: Sometimes our burdens become too heavy to carry. There are other people who will help. Families can learn to heal. Love, compassion and understanding are available in support groups. We just need to reach out our hand.

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