Recovery Archives - Page 14 of 20

Feb 27, 2014

ROOM FOR ONE

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

A mom wrote to me, My son has not changed, but I have.

My reflection: This one sentence, embedded in a much longer email, resonated deeply with me. Why? Because change is a choice. With addiction, as with much of life, we often wait for the other person or for circumstances to become better before we do something positive for ourselves. It took fourteen years for Jeff to decide to change his life while I lost many years chasing him around, trying to force him into sobriety. In the end, I learned that only he could make the decision for himself. Similarly, I learned that only I could make the decision for myself.

Today’s Promise to consider: Dr. MacAfee says there is room for only one person in addiction: the addict. We, who love the addict, often put our lives on hold waiting for him or her to change. After fourteen years, I finally learned that I had to take control of my life and change the only person I could: me.

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Feb 6, 2014

ADDICTION WAITS PATIENTLY

by libbycataldi under Jeff, Recovery, Relapse

The Daily Beast, 2/2/14: Philip Seymour Hoffman lay dead on his side on the bathroom floor clad in a T-shirt and shorts, a hypodermic needle sticking out of his left arm. In the trash, police found five empty heroin envelopes. Nearby were two full envelopes. (Michael Daly)

The Telegraph, 2/3/14: Philip Seymour Hoffman was clean for 23 years before apparently checking himself into rehab last year. To stay away from drink and drugs for nearly a quarter of a century – and then relapse? Some people will be puzzled by that. They shouldn’t be. (Damian Thompson is the author of The Fix: How addiction is taking over your world.)

Jeff’s Reaction: Addiction doesn’t discriminate. This week we saw one of the world’s most talented actors die to street drugs. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death is a stark reminder that addiction is always there, patient and waiting to pounce. No matter how much clean time we put together, sobriety is a life-long journey. It’s easy to forget how bad things can become when we open addiction’s cage.

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Jan 23, 2014

TRAPPED

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Recovery

Dr. MacAfee on the pain of addiction: “Addiction is extraordinary psychic pain. The addict is trapped inside his use. Drugs were once the escape to all his problems until they become his prison. Addiction is like a bad love affair: A love gone sour. Once the addict sees the trap – the trap of ‘no hope without dope’ – he must literally fight for his life. There is hard-fought wisdom at the end of the battle.”

My reflection: I’m reminded of a conversation I had with Jeff. I told him, “You are wise, wiser than I am. Your addiction taught you so much. Thanks for teaching me.” His response, “That’s because I’ve come from a place you’ve never been – thankfully. My wisdom is born from a place of intense pain. It’s one of the silver linings of addiction.”

Today’s Promise to consider: The addict is trapped inside the prison of addiction. What was once a party becomes his personal hell. I have great respect for those who are able to fight this battle and find their recovery. Peace and wisdom are on the other side.

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Jan 9, 2014

MONKEY MIND

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Recovery

Jeff and I were talking about “monkey mind,” a Buddhist term meaning, “unsettled, restless, confused.” It is when our minds become chaotic as our thoughts jump from problem to problem.

This journal entry, written ten years ago, is an example of my unsettled mind: I’m not doing well. In fact, my heart feels torn into pieces. It’s 4:24 am, and sleep is not my friend tonight. My mind races with all my problems and I ache for someone to make them all go away. Pretty unrealistic, huh? I need to find my own peace. Dear Lord, I am so confused and I feel all alone. What do I do?

My reflection: For me, fear has always been an especially noisy monkey. The demons seemed to come out at night and torment me. In the dark, as I lay alone, I felt totally helpless and confused. My mind raced with imaginings of all the things that could go wrong. I had to find strength in myself and in my God, my higher power.

Today’s Promise to consider: I’m deeply grateful Jeff is good today, but I also acknowledge that monkey mind still continues to afflict me often during the night and sometimes during the day. Today, I will make an active effort to do something constructive when the demons find me. I’ll write or run. I will meditate. I will pray.

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Dec 12, 2013

RELAPSE: FROM A RECOVERING ADDICT

by libbycataldi under Hope, Recovery, Relapse, Stay Close

A young man wrote to me, As a recovering addict, I know well that relapse happens. It took me many attempts to find sobriety. Each addict is unique in his or her own way, but for me I spent more than a decade avoiding the true problem – myself. Drugs filled the void inside me, an empty space of insecurity and anxiety (and sure a rebellious side when I was young). The road to recovery is a long one and the answer lies within the addict.

My reflection: This young man has courage: courage to face himself, courage to acknowledge his fears and courage to fight every day to live a sober life. As a parent when Jeff was in active addiction, I threatened, cajoled, pleaded and would have sold my soul for his recovery. But all my machinations were futile. My son had to find the answer inside himself, and for himself.

Today’s Promise to consider: Relapse happens. If it does, I will love my child and will remind myself that I don’t have the power to cure the addiction, fix it or make it go away. I will allow my child to find the answer inside himself.

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Dec 5, 2013

RELAPSE: WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO?

by libbycataldi under family, Gratitude, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me, My son relapsed, again. After eight months of sobriety, his love affair with drugs overpowered his strength to fight the urge to use again. After I received ‘the dreaded phone call’ that unfortunately we all know too well, I was strangely able to remain calm…that is only after I heard his voice and knew he was safe.

What is a mother to do? His father and I offered him a safe environment for the night and life resumed with the clear expectation that in the morning our son would return to work and come clean with his boss. All we could do was to tell him what we would offer him and allow him to make his choices.

There was no chaos, no yelling, no blaming or judging…no ‘drama’ this time around. In fact, my husband and I did not give our son the forum to disrupt our lives (or our other sons’ lives) as we have so often in the past. Addiction and relapse are not new to us, but this time what was new is that we did not give addiction the power to disarm us and our family.

My reflection: This mom’s response reminds me of something Dr. Kevin McCauley, Institute for Addiction Study, told me years ago, “Relapse is part of this disease and parents often respond to it with a kind of ‘I caught you’ mentality, a way of saying, ‘you messed up again, you loser.’” Instead, he encouraged me to remain calm, to give Jeff clear boundaries and to provide and options for recovery. The mom and dad above did just that. This inspires me.

Today’s Promise to consider: Relapse happens. If it does, I will respond with a calm attitude and provide clear boundaries for my addicted loved one. The fellowship of Al-Anon and my daily practice of the 12 Steps remind me that I can’t cure addiction, but I can stay close and try to keep myself and my family safe.

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Nov 14, 2013

STAYING IN GRATITUDE: PART 2

by libbycataldi under Communication, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

A recovering addict wrote to me, I want to thank you. Your story inspired me to get to the point I am today. I read your book while being incarcerated and then passed it on to my mom. She read it and never lost hope in me, even though I am sure it was very hard at times, especially when I lost hope in myself. We now have the best relationship that we’ve ever had.

I didn’t truly know what it was like to be happy at the time, but now with just shy of a year clean I am truly happy. It’s amazing how much your life can change in just one year. I thank God for everyday I’m still alive.

My reflection: This young man is the hero. He fought for himself and his family. He is happy today, living a sober life and enjoying an honest relationship with himself and his mother. We celebrate his year of sobriety and we celebrate his today. We say thank you right back.

When my sons and I joined together to tell our story, publishing our fourteen-year tragedy was the last thing I expected to do. I wrote out of pain. But today is a new day and Jeff has been living a sober life for seven years. He is happy and our family is forever grateful that he came home to himself and to us.

Today’s Promise to consider: We will continue to reach out and help others. We won’t allow fear and shame to keep us silent or to suffocate our hope. Today, we choose to stay in gratitude.

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Oct 17, 2013

ONE PARENT: ONE STORY, Part 3

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Recovery, Relapse, Stay Close

One mother’s story: The Chaos of Addiction

My sons are sober today and everyday I am grateful, but I remember well where my family was just four years ago. Both my sons were using heroin daily, the older one had just lost his job due to drug use and the younger one was on the verge of losing his. I was literally trying to keep everyone alive and out of jail. I had spent thousands of dollars on inpatient and outpatient treatments, hospitalizations, property damages, lawyers, therapists, “new starts,” apartments and cars.

At that time, our lives were never ending drug chaos. I was working full time and every day one or the other son was out of money, no gas to get to work or had left their uniform somewhere so they couldn’t go to work, not answering their phone which led me to believe they might have overdosed, lying all the time, screaming outbursts and calling me horrible names, pounding their fists on my car, trashing apartments with their drug buddies, getting arrested, pawn shops, creditors and lying some more.

At one point, my older son went into a local facility to detox, but had someone bring heroin to the facility. The mental health counselor told my son flat out, “I have been treating junkies for many years and you can’t beat this on your own.” Hearing him use that word was horrifying, but it was exactly what both my sons had become.

Life was one chaotic day after another. Looking back I don’t know how we survived. They both needed long-term treatment. When they were forced to face the consequences of their addiction, that’s what finally happened. I helped them find places to go, negotiate the paperwork and transportation and did whatever it took to get them there. Fortunately, they finally chose to change their lives. And they did.

Today’s Promise to Consider: This is one mother’s story. We join together to share our experience, strength and hope. We bring addiction out of the darkness and share our truths.

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Oct 10, 2013

ONE PARENT: ONE STORY, Part 2

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, Faith, Recovery, Relapse, Stay Close

One mother’s story:

It’s been a very rough week, but we’ve been down this road before – one too many times. We asked our son to move out. Two days ago he did. His disease is showing signs of progressing and it is damaging to others in this house. He is causing damage to my other son and I cannot stand by and watch this while he continues not to work a program we all feel he needs. We have given him so much support over the past decade and now it is time to say enough. I told him I loved him, but not the behaviors we have become aware of – a direct result of not truly working a program of RECOVERY. At twenty-eight, he needs to stand on his own. He needs to feel “The Gift of Desperation.” When nothing changes, nothing changes. That was the basis for our action.

I doubt myself at times There are no easy answers with this disease. We need to back off, detach with love, and let him be the captain of whatever kind of ship he wants to sail. I am not adjusting my sails anymore. I have my life vest on and I will not sink. He can choose his own course from this point. I am not going to be his GPS or map.

This disease forces us to make such difficult decisions, but I would be unable to do it without the support of my program of recovery. I always remember the saying not to deny an addict his pain.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today’s Promise to Consider: This is one mother’s story. We join together to share our experience, strength and hope. We bring addiction out of the darkness and share our truths.

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Sep 26, 2013

PAY ATTENTION TO THE COINCIDENCES

by libbycataldi under Communication, Faith, Recovery

A mom wrote to me, Everyday I am reminded that there are too many random coincidences to ignore. You think you do something to help someone, but that is not the plan, at least not for now. In my case, it was a conversation over dinner where I said, “Oh, my neighbor went through an addiction with her son and she wrote a book about it.” This led to a random dad reading your book and gaining a sense of hope and realizing that what he is going through and feeling – others have been down this road as well. Amazing how God works.

My reflection: I am reminded of something that Jeff wrote, In 2005, when I was at the ranch and trying again to get clean, I fought everything, but most of all I fought the notion of something spiritual. But I couldn’t escape it. It was in everything attached to the program. I told my sponsor that the God thing would never make sense to me and I needed to find something else. He laughed and said simply, “I don’t give a damn what you believe – just pay attention to the coincidences.” So I did. And that’s when things changed.

Today’s Promise to consider: I believe that living things are interconnected. Today, I will be a witness to the flow of life. Whether I call this force God, my Higher Power, Being or the Universe, I will keep an open mind and pay attention to the coincidences.

“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” – Albert Einstein, The World as I See It

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