Recovery Archives - Page 17 of 20

Oct 11, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 3

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery

A dad told Jeff and me, Our son is not yet sober, but my wife and I have found peace after hearing your story. We know that we can’t control our son’s behavior, but we now know we’re not alone. And more importantly, you’ve shown us there’s hope.

My response: We are powerless against the addiction, but we are not powerless to help ourselves. The Serenity Prayer gives us a guide, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I’ll consider the continuation of the Serenity Prayer: To live one day at a time, enjoy one moment at a time and accept hardships as the pathway to peace. I will ‘let go, let God.’ This will be my personal victory.

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Oct 4, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 2

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Hope, Jeff, Recovery

A mom wrote to me: So often with addiction we want to wipe the slate clean and start over which, of course, is not possible. Here is a quote I came across and thought you would find it interesting: Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. I like the sound of this! I always found it depressing that a new start didn’t solve the problem so the idea of a brand new ending is comforting to me.

My response: Jeff once wrote, “Addiction has changed my life, made me a different person, and in many respects my life is richer because I was forced to confront myself, or die. My past is my past and I can’t turn it around or change the footsteps that follow me.” He learned that he couldn’t wipe the slate clean, but he could create a brand new ending. And he did.

Today’s Promise to consider: Our histories are ours, and they provide valuable opportunities from which we can learn. Every day offers another start, a fresh chapter or a new page in our life. The challenge isn’t about not getting knocked down, but is learning how to get back up again.

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Aug 30, 2012

VOICES OF RECOVERY, PART 3

by libbycataldi under family, Jeremy, Recovery, Relapse

Son Jeremy staying close to his daughter Iysa.

A recovering addict wrote to me: My husband and I are both recovering addicts. After two years of sobriety, he relapsed. I don’t know which side is harder – the addict in active addiction or the loved one of that addict. Knowing Jeffrey and I have both managed to let God bring us back to the world of recovery brings me hope. I know my husband’s journey is his, and I can’t and have no right to take it from him. You never know when God’s miracle happens, but it usually happens when we get out of the way and leave it up to Him.

My thoughts: This young woman knows both sides of addiction. As hard as this must be, she also knows the hope of recovery, her own and her loved one’s. Her words touch me, “I know his journey is his, and I can’t and have no right to take it from him.” We never know when God’s miracle happens, but for me I’ve learned that it happens when I get out of the chaos and find my serenity.

Today’s Promise to consider: Both sides of any problem are difficult: There is the perspective of the one who must make the journey and the perspective of the one who watches and loves. As a mom, I know only one side, mine. I can’t take away my loved one’s pain, but I can stay close with compassion and prayer.

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Aug 23, 2012

VOICES OF RECOVERY, PART 2

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Hope, Recovery

A mother wrote to me: I’m involved with Comunità Cenacolo in Jacksonville, Florida, a community dedicated to helping young women find their way out of addiction’s grasp and into the light of sobriety.

Here is a photo I took of the girls’ feet before they performed at the Feast of Saint Maria Goretti. I love this picture…ballet slippers representing white for innocence and a clean life. The feet tell the story, and the worn-out shoes depict the path and suffering it took to get to this dance of redemption.

My thoughts: When Jeff and Jeremy were in school, we bought new shoes every August. After several months, their shoes showed the scuffs and tears of jungle gyms, bus rides, pick-up soccer games, recess and playing in all kinds of weather. Shoes can tell a story about life.

Today’s Promise to consider: The addict wears his own shoes, and I wear mine. I can’t understand fully his walk, and he can’t understand mine. All I can do is to stay close to my loved one and pray that his shoes come home – scuffs and all.

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Aug 16, 2012

VOICES OF RECOVERY

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Recovery, Stay Close

A recovering addict with fourteen years sobriety wrote to me: As an addict, I know that I had to reach a point where I made the decision that I could not go back to drugs. Sure there were times of temptation during those first few years, but sobriety is a decision only I could make can make.

Dear parents, as helpless and guilty as you might feel, it is the addict’s choice to use again. It is not because he or she doesn’t love you or because you have or haven’t done something. Don’t beat yourselves up! You are not alone and there IS hope!

My reaction: Thanks to this young woman, who gives voice to the addict’s side of the story. For me, I only knew my mother’s side until I really listened to what Jeff had to say. This young woman helps me to understand. She went on to write, I last saw Jeff in DC around Christmas of 1997. I could tell he was “having fun” but I had no clue just how “deep” he had gotten. Of course, I didn’t realize just how “deep” I had gotten into drugs, either. I guess no addict really does until she hits rock bottom!

Today’s Promise to consider: I have to admit that I am powerless to change other people. I have to admit that I have no control over other people’s actions, even my own children. What I can and will do is pray, teach, provide a strong role model and stay close.

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Aug 9, 2012

SAYING NO CAN BE THE BIGGEST YES

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, family, Recovery

A mom wrote to me: Saying no could be the biggest “YES” in life….but yet so hard to learn how to say it.

My reaction: There is wisdom in these few words. I struggled with saying no, especially to my sons. “May I take the car?” Yes. “Would you give me a few dollars for gas?” Yes. “Would you, could you, might you….?” Typically I said yes, but ‘yes’ wasn’t always the correct answer. It took Jeff’s addiction for me to learn that often ‘saying no’ can be the ‘biggest yes.’ As Dr. Derbyshire, a psychologist and friend, once told me, “Oftentimes, you are being the best mother when you say no.” This seems obvious, but it wasn’t obvious to me for a long time.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will have the strength to say ‘no’ as well as ‘yes.’ I will keep my boundaries safe and not cave in to pressure or pleas. If I truly believe that the answer should be no, I’ll say it regardless of the reaction that I receive.

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Jul 26, 2012

CELEBRATING SIX YEARS SOBER

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Hope, Jeff, Recovery

July 21, 2006: Jeff made the decision not to go back to an addicted life.

In the last chapter of Stay Close, I wrote: Jeremy once asked, “Momma, how will you end the story about Jeff?” I admitted, “I don’t know, Jer. It’s not my story to end.” His answer was clear, “But that’s the point. We don’t know what will happen to Jeff, but no one can ever take away our hope. You have to end the story in hope.” And we will.

Six years ago, Jeff made the decision to live a sober life and our family is deeply grateful. We remain humble, knowing that there is no finish line with the journey that is recovery, but we also know that gratitude and joy are essential parts of being alive. Celebrations are important.

Dear Jeff, We’re grateful you came home to yourself and to us. You had the courage to fight for your life, and your courage continues as you choose again each day. We learn from you. We learn from your strength, resolve, commitment and spirituality. You’ve accomplished much in these six years, and you have many dreams yet to achieve. Happy Anniversary, Jeff!

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Jun 13, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE USING STOPS: PART 1

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Recovery

Dr. Patrick MacAfee

Dr. MacAfee says: We know a lot about addiction, but I’m very interested in what it means to live in sobriety. In other words, what is the impact of abstinence? Most people tell me they want sobriety because, “I don’t like who I’ve become.” This statement is a great motivator for change. Recovery is always an individual endeavor and also requires a supportive community.

My reaction: I never thought about the impact of abstinence. When Jeff completed his first recovery program, he emerged drug free, but his life was still framed around old ways of living. Just because he spent thirty days in treatment didn’t mean that the world he used to know suddenly changed to support his recovery. In fact, just the opposite was true. There was lots of work that needed to happen for him to reintegrate into life in a healthy way. It was all new to Jeff and new to our family. This was a delicate place.

Today’s Promise to consider: When using stops – whether overeating, smoking, drinking or using drugs – fear of picking-up again is common and living can be painful. I know that I can’t control my loved one’s behavior, but I also know that he will need a strong support system. I will be compassionate and supportive as he learns to live in abstinence.

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May 24, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: PART 2

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery, Stay Close

Beth and Kenny

A mom wrote to me: My son has 14 months drug free and I am so proud of the strength and courage he has demonstrated in changing his life and managing his disease. I’ve shared my heartache with you before, and I knew you would share in my happiness.

A couple of weeks ago, I awoke to find the following text message from him. I asked his permission to share it with you. He agreed knowing it can offer hope to other parents.

U had the biggest part in getting me sober. I’m so sorry for the years of pain I caused u. to some extent it was the disease but it was me for the most part. I’m in such a good place in my sobriety. I finally have some direction in life and it feels good. Rehab was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do but it was the best thing I ever did. there’s no way to change the past but the future looks bright. I love u so much. Ur my favorite person and my biggest fan.

My reaction: These are the messages that keep parents staying close. We hold hope that one day our children will find their way to sobriety. We remain humble, knowing it’s one day at a time, but for today, in these moments, we are grateful.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will be my child’s biggest fan. I will celebrate his good qualities and achievements, and let her know how much she is loved.

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May 17, 2012

VOICES OF FRIENDS: Part I

by libbycataldi under Hope, Jeff, Recovery, Stay Close

Jeff and his friend Reneé

A recovering addict wrote to me: In reading the responses of the parents of addicts on your blog, I am truly moved by the love, acceptance and understanding that you have. I was not fortunate enough to have parents that were understanding or willing to stand by me through the depths of my addiction and the struggle that I underwent to find my way alone was almost insurmountable. As a friend of Jeff’s, it makes me very happy to see that he, as well as others of your respective children, have had that support. Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you.

My response: I feel humbled when I read this young woman’s words: Don’t ever give up, you have no idea how much we really do need you. When Jeff was in active addiction, there were many times I wanted to walk away because I was filled with anger, hurt and deep grief. I’m grateful that I learned the concept Stay Close.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will stay close to my loved ones. I know that I can’t ‘fix’ them or change the situations in their lives, but I can stand by them with my emotional support and assure them that I will never quit believing.

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