libbycataldi, Author at Stay Close Blog

Dec 31, 2015

SOCIAL MEDIA: ENVY AND ADDICTION

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, family, Gratitude

Nonna and Granddaughter

Researchers in Germany found that one third of the Facebook users they studied reported that time spent on the social networking site left them feeling frustrated and angry. The primary source of those negative feelings? Envy. Facebook sets the stage for envy with its endless opportunities to compare ourselves to others.

(Tricycle, The Buddhist Review, Fall 2015, pg. 104)

My reflection: The results of this study make total sense to me, especially during the holidays. When Jeff was sick with addiction, I flip-flopped between feeling joy and sometimes envy for my friend’s good fortunes. Silently I asked myself: Why them? Why their children? Why not mine? I felt deep sadness for my own disappointments and all the things they seemed to have that I didn’t. Smiling faces and snapshots of their family’s achievements were steady reminders that my son wasn’t doing similar great things and, in fact, was destroying himself.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will start the New Year with gratitude for what is good in my life. I will work to counter feelings of envy and jealousy by being joyful for other’s successes. Today I’ll remember that my life is my life and it’s all I have. There’s always something for which to be grateful.

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Dec 24, 2015

COMPASSION DURING THE HOLIDAYS

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, Forgiveness

I wrote this in Stay Close: During the Christmas of 2006, when neither son came home for our large Italian family gatherings, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends didn’t know what to do. My brothers didn’t know what to say. They didn’t even know whether to invite me to the festivities. The cousins were confused; could they ask about Jeff or would it be kinder to leave him out of the conversation?

My reflection: I remember well that Christmas Eve Mass when my older brother turned gently toward me and said, “Not sure I should ask, but how is Jeff?” I looked at him as tears welled in my eyes. He just nodded as we both turned forward and left the question float in the air.

Today’s Promise to consider: During the holidays, let us remember that addiction can severely isolate us. We might feel ashamed and lonely because our lives are not as joyful as we wish they would be. I will avoid this treacherous place by being compassionate with myself and my family. I will find serenity in honesty and prayer.

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Dec 17, 2015

HEROIN: CAPE COD, USA

by libbycataldi under Courage, Dr. Patrick MacAfee

Years ago, Dr. MacAfee told me, Only by taking addiction out of the shadows where it does its best work and bringing it into the light will we be able to heal addiction.

Reflection: Now more than ever we’re being forced to look deeply into the many ills that impact our societies. From the most marginalized groups to populations in the millions, countless hard issues are being addressed. On December 28, HBO will unveil a new documentary titled Heroin: Cape Cod USA where they expose the heroin epidemic screaming at America, focusing on eight young addicts. In 2014 alone, Massachusettes had more than 1,250 deaths from heroin overdose. These numbers are terrifying.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today and every day, let us join together to fight the things that degrade our families and tear apart our communities. We must continue to keep the spotlight on addiction, without shame and silence. Truth must win.

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Dec 10, 2015

MY FIGHT SONG

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, Recovery

Rachel Platten sings Fight Song and the lyrics remind me of something a friend wrote to me: One time during my career I was feeling like there was no hope. Just then a fellow employee told me a few words that I have never forgotten and I apply them to all aspects of my life, “It’s never over unless you quit.”

My reflection: Fight Song and the words from my friend, “It’s never over unless you quit,” blend together with something my dad once told me. When Jeff was embroiled in his addiction, I asked my father, “When can I quit worrying? When he’s 18, when he’s 21? When, Dad?” His response was clear, “When you’re a parent, there is no quit.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Life can be difficult and addiction can be suffocating, but “It’s never over unless you quit.” The lyrics of Fight Song speak to our need to be strong for ourselves and those we love.

This is my fight song

Take back my life song…

And I don’t really care if nobody else believes

‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

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Dec 3, 2015

THE IMPORTANCE OF HOPE

by libbycataldi under Faith, Hope, Relapse, Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: I’m afraid. Recovery was going well, I thought. Making meetings, new job he likes, nice girlfriend…I was beginning to trust and hope. In the last week, money taken from my purse, relapse, violation of probation. Now it’s back to court and maybe prison this time. I’ve given up hope. I can’t do this again.

My reflection: There were many times when I, too, felt like giving up on hope and giving into fear. When Jeff’s addiction rose up again and again, the pain was overwhelming and I felt suffocated. I didn’t know what to do.

Today’s Promise to consider: Hope can be fragile and fear can be powerful. But if we lose faith and hope, we lose our oxygen. Today, I’ll stay close to my loved one and allow him to fight his own battles. I’ll keep hope alive – for him and for me.

“We can’t be armor for our children. We can only be supporting troops.” Irwin Shaw

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Nov 26, 2015

GRATITUDE: ONE DAY AT A TIME

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, Gratitude

A mother wrote to me: Today, I’m grateful. My son, who has been addicted for years, finally chose to turn his life around after he was shot in a drug deal. He still carries the bullet an inch from his spine, too risky to remove. He has ten months sober and is living in a sober house. It’s all such a blur to me now, but today he’s good. One day at a time.

My reflection: It’s easy to drown in the baffling chaos that is addiction, but gratitude can serve as an emotional life raft in the face of it. Even if this day is full of sorrow, gratitude helps me to identify the many positive things in my life – as simple as some of them might be.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, Jeff is good and our family is stronger for all we’ve suffered through. I would never say that I’m grateful for addiction, but I am grateful for the lessons learned. Despite what pop culture tells us, happiness is something we work for and I must decide every day to work for it. Gratitude is the gateway. Our family wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving.

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Nov 19, 2015

HOLDING HANDS AGAINST FEAR

by libbycataldi under Courage

A friend in Europe wrote to me, The atmosphere here is filled with both fear and anger after what happened in Paris. How can there be so much hatred in this world? We worry about who is next. My mother and father remember WWII and the fighting on our soil, the starvation and the prisoners of war. I never thought I’d live to see this day. I’ve never had to struggle this much to stay optimistic and compassionate.

My reflection: Fear is a natural human response, and I’m struggling with how to confront the atrocities that are occurring in our world. Anger, sorrow, anxiety, confusion and deep sympathy collide together as I search for the response that makes sense for me and mine. I remember well the fear that I felt in the face of addiction. Addiction wanted to terrorize me, and it did. Acting out of fear, I wasn’t any good to Jeff, myself or my family.

Today’s Promise: The ugliness of addiction wants to cripple me with fear. So does terrorism. Today, I say aloud that I won’t allow evil to submerge me in the miasma of chaos and dread. I won’t give fear this power over me. I stand in solidarity with humanity as we face the forces that terrorize us.

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Nov 12, 2015

ACCEPTING FRAGILITIES AND FEARS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Communication, Courage, family, Forgiveness

Photo Credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

An Italian friend, whose brother is in recovery, wrote to me, Some days ago I read a Raymond Carver poem:

And did you get what

you wanted from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself

beloved on the earth.

I hope that all our suffering with addiction, for our family and for my brother, will let him know how much we love him and will push him to love himself – just as he is, without masks and without hating his fragilities and his fears. I hope he will be comforted by our love.

My reflection: What a beautiful gift this young woman wants to give to her brother, the gift of feeling beloved. We, who love those struggling with addiction, have the opportunity to comfort them and provide a safe emotional space in a world that often shames and punishes them.

Today’s Promise to consider: It is undeniable that addiction causes pain and suffering to all of us, both the addict and those of us who love them. From across the ocean, in a message from a friend in Italy, I am reminded today to pray that my loved one feels beloved and that, one day, he will love himself even with his fragilities and fears.

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Nov 5, 2015

IN HONOR OF THEIR JOURNEY

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Courage, Faith, family, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

When you meet a clean drug addict

You meet a hero.

Their mortal enemy slumbers within them:

They can never outrun their disability.

They make their way through a world of drug abuse,

In an environment that does not understand them.

Society, puffed up with shameful ignorance,

Looks on them with contempt,

As if they were a second-class citizen 

Because they dare to swim against the stream of drugs

 But you must know:

 No better people are made than this.

~Friedrich von Bodelschwingh 1831-1910

My reflection: Addicts are often considered second-class citizens, junkies, losers and scourges in the community. While it’s true that our loved ones in active addiction are not contributing to society, it’s also true that when they find the strength to live in sobriety, they return to life with a commitment to service, to help others and to make a difference.

Today’s Promise to consider: It takes courage for someone addicted to drugs to pick himself up and to change his life. It takes strength for him to live a life of abstinence. It takes grace for him to serve others and to give back. Today, when I meet a person in recovery, I’ll tip my hat in honor of his journey.

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Oct 29, 2015

FOR EVERY ADDICT, AT LEAST FOUR OTHERS ARE AFFECTED

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Dialogue, family

Cousins: Kevin, Tricia, Diana, Jeff

A mom wrote to me: My cousin’s son is 22 and battling alcoholism. She just visited and, even though she didn’t want to talk about it, I could see the pain she was going through. As a mother of sons, I am grateful that my sons have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, but I know that it is the luck of the draw. Addiction can happen to anyone. It’s everywhere and it affects families in every walk of life.

My reflection: This mother’s words brought back a difficult memory for me. In Stay Close, I wrote, Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, no one knew what to do. During the Christmas of 2006, when neither son came home for our large Italian family gatherings, my brothers didn’t know what to say. They didn’t even know whether to invite me to the festivities. The cousins were confused; could they ask about Jeff or would it be kinder to leave him out of the conversation?

Today’s Promise to consider: Research says that for every one addict at least four others are affected. Addiction’s consequences are far-reaching and destructive. Those who love us see our pain, even without us saying a word. They don’t know whether to talk with us about the problem or to stay silent. Addiction is confusing and suffocating. Today, I’ll be communicative and compassionate with my family and friends as we stumble together down this road.

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