libbycataldi, Author at Stay Close Blog

Oct 22, 2015

JUST YOUR MOM. JUST YOUR DAD

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Dialogue, family, Forgiveness, Stay Close

A dad told me, While visiting my son in a halfway house, I was impressed with the community of support around him. “If you feel yourself slipping or getting into the danger zone,” I asked my son, “what should I say to you to help?” He answered, “Nothing. If I need help, I need to reach out to these people around me, who know my walk.” I felt relieved when he said this to me because I just want to be his dad.

My reflection, This dad was grateful when he realized his son was taking responsibility for his recovery by reaching out to his AA or NA community for help. As parents, we put huge pressure on ourselves to solve our children’s problems and lift them from the chaos the drugs create – when in reality, we’re not best suited for the job.

Today’s Promise to consider, For as much as I want to offer my son support and words of wisdom, I admit that the programs of AA and NA are far more helpful in providing access to people who are also on the path of sobriety. I’m just his mom, the person who will always love him.

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Oct 15, 2015

WHY MY KID?

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Courage, Faith, family, Stay Close

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A mother wrote to me: My husband and I were always here with our kids, but it seems to me that lots of kids who were on their own did better. Many of our neighborhood children grew up with our kids, and they all very successful. How did mine turn out to be an addict?

My reflection: This is a question I asked myself for years. I have two sons: one is addicted to heroin and the other isn’t. The kids in the neighborhood seemed to turn out OK. Why my son? What did I miss? What could I have done differently? Many parents ask themselves these same questions.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I accept the validity of all my diverse feelings. I refuse to hide my confusion, isolate myself, and keep the secret and the shame. I hate the addiction, but I will release myself from feeling that I failed my son. I did my best and there is no blame.

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Oct 8, 2015

WILL POWER VS SPIRITUAL AWAKENING

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Faith, Recovery

Grandchild Iysa

A friend asked me, Is sobriety a result of will power or spiritual awakening? He continued, some people are said to have found sobriety through will power. They simply stop using drugs. In the Big Book, however, the thought is that sobriety is the result of a spiritual awakening.

My reflection: I asked Dr. MacAfee, who said, A lot of people go cold turkey, but this strategy rarely works over the long term. The disease of addiction is rooted in emptiness and cold turkey doesn’t fill the void within. A spiritual awakening is about belonging, finding our place in the world and connecting with the life-giving spirit inside us.

Today’s Promise to consider: Many experts believe that addiction is rooted in emptiness – in discontentment, not belonging and in disconnection. Cold turkey and will power are commendable, but they’re often not recipes for sustained sobriety and a holistic life. I pray that my loved will learn to fill the emptiness inside him in an environment of love and camaraderie. I pray that he finds a sense of belonging to the universal energy that’s within all of us.

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Oct 1, 2015

I WAS BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF DESPERATION

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, Recovery, Service

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A recovering addict wrote, Things couldn’t be better for me. I’m almost nine months sober, very active in a 12-step program and working at Apple. Life is drama free and I’m keeping things as simple as possible. No sex and relationships for a year! I volunteer to be of service, and I even pray and meditate daily – most days that is. Life has finally smoothed out. No more daily pain and depression. I’m involved and present with my family and loved ones. I’m well, content! Can you believe it?? It took long enough! But I was blessed with the gift of desperation…finally! And I was ready for change. So here I am!

My reflection: This young man’s renewed enthusiasm for life is inspiring. He wrote that he was blessed with the gift of desperation which is something The Big Book of AA points to as a profound turning point in many lives. The desperation of drowning in pain caused by active addiction is a powerful force and provided him the willingness to make some crucial changes.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addicts are not the only ones who are blessed with the gift of desperation. When my son was at his worst, I, too, was desperate, and it was at that moment that I learned to surrender. Today, I pray that all our loved ones, who are suffering with addiction, will be gifted with the strength to start on the road to a healthy life. And I pray for all of us, who love them, for our peace.

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Sep 24, 2015

WE ARE NOT ALONE

by libbycataldi under Courage, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Stay Close

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Photo Credit: Michelle Elvy

A mother wrote to me: I’ve found strength in a very close Nar-Anon group and continue to attend meetings regularly. My husband, my son’s sister and I are here for him when HE is ready to change. We know we can’t force him to change – we’ve tried. After three failed rehab attempts, we have nothing else to give him, only love.

My reflection: Dr. MacAfee says that addiction takes the healthiest parts of love and smashes them into worry, helplessness and hopelessness. In family groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, we discover that we are not alone. We find other families who understand our pain, heartache and powerlessness. Waiting for our addicted child to return to us is like walking through hell, but there are hundreds of thousands of people who are suffering just as we are.

Today’s Promise: I will not isolate myself during this traumatic time, but will accept help from other parents who know my pain. I am not alone. I’ll reach out my hand and trust that someone will reach back.

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Sep 17, 2015

THERE’S LIFE AFTER ADDICTION

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, Gratitude, Recovery

Niece Iysa and Uncle Jeff.

Honoring Achievements: Jeff was in active addiction for fourteen years. It was impossible to see a future for our family that was healthy and complete. I was mired in confusion and Jeff was slowly destroying himself. This week, I’m reminded of how very much our lives have changed as Jeff celebrates the fifth anniversary of his music label Cascine. Our family honors this milestone alongside Jeff.

My reflection: When in the throes of active addiction, life – for both the addict and the family – becomes a struggle for health and survival. Things often change dramatically when sobriety enters the picture. Reminders are all around us, when we stop and look for them.

Today’s Promise to consider: It’s imperative to never give up hope with our addicted loved ones. There are many success stories of people who have survived an addiction and come home to themselves and their families. Jeff is one of the lucky ones. Today and every day, we’re grateful.

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Sep 10, 2015

HELPING OR ENABLING?

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Resentments

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli Cecconi

A mother wrote me to: My son is back in detox for the second time in less than four months. Hopefully this time he will also go through rehab and stay sober, but I don’t know. I pray that his journey will not be long and hard, but somehow I fear it may. I pray that I have the strength and knowledge to know the difference between helping my son and enabling him.

My reflection: I was never very good at knowing where the line was between enabling and helping. Addiction forced me to make decisions that were difficult and, oftentimes, life threatening. In the end, I learned to stay close, but out of the way of the chaos. It’s an inexact science, but I found a way to love my son without being tossed around by the waves of his addiction.

Today’s Promise: I admit that I don’t always know how best to help my child, but I will continue to learn. I will not blame, accuse or berate. I will be an active participant in my support groups, stay close and trust God.

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Sep 3, 2015

COMPASSION

by libbycataldi under Courage, Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Faith, Recovery

Photo Credit: Mikele Roselli Cecconi

A mother wrote to me: Today I went to my first Al-Anon meeting or at least that is what I thought I was going to. Instead it was the Narc meeting for the users. So instead of hearing from family members about their loved one’s addictions, I heard from the addicts themselves. It was very eye opening and humbling to be there and to hear their struggles.

My reflection: During the many years that Jeff was swallowed by addiction, I never realized the pain that he felt. Dr. MacAfee told me that it was impossible for me to imagine how poorly my son saw himself, that living inside his skin was more than Jeff could bear at times. The heaviness of his reality, combined with all the lies he struggled to maintain, was soul crushing.

Today’s Promise to consider: It’s so very hard not to make our loved one’s addiction about us, not to take their continued missteps personally. Once I told my son, “You have a lot of courage to try to get well again.” He responded quietly, “Courage. That’s a word rarely used with addicts. Yeah, it takes courage.” As a mom, my pain is huge, but I must understand that I will never truly grasp what he is going through. Today, I will pray for strength and compassion.

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Aug 27, 2015

ONE COUNTY, 70 MINUTES, EIGHT OVERDOSES

by libbycataldi under Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family

A friend sent me an article from the Washington Post about a small county in western Pennsylvania – a county of slightly more that 200,00 people and just 40 minutes from my home town – where there were reported eight overdoses in 70 minutes. “There’s been a progressive increase in overdoses the last two years, and it just went out of control,” said Rick Gluth, supervising detective on the drug task force. “I’ve been a police officer for 27 years and worked narcotics for the last 15, and this is the worst.”

My reaction: Articles like this are important. They help, as Dr. MacAfee says, to take addiction out of the shadows and into the light where it can be healed. There is no silver bullet for stopping the flow of narcotics into the hands of our loved ones, but pieces like this unveil the hard facts around an epidemic suffocating so many of our families.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction is anchored in Stigma, Shame and Silence. Today, I join together with other parents to break the backs of these three S’s. People are dying and the death toll is increasing.

(the full article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-heroin-epidemics-toll-one-county-70-minutes-eight-overdoses/2015/08/23/f616215e-48bc-11e5-846d-02792f854297_story.html)

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Aug 20, 2015

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, meditation

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A mom wrote to me: My son is still on the streets and I don’t know from one day to the next what will happen to him, but I survive by working my steps, having a sponsor, reading my books and calling people on the phone list. Most important of all, I try every day, all day, to put God first in my life and, in doing this, I have been able to Let Go and Let God. I’ll be a work in progress until the day I die.

My reflection: I join this mom in being a work in progress. Whether my son is struggling with his demons or not, I also try to live by the mantra Let Go and Let God. When I truly acknowledge the fact that I am not in control of others or their choices, I am able to live one step closer to peace.

Today’s Promise to consider: My mom once told me, It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Today, I will pray for humility and for my Higher Power to direct my path.

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