Recovery Archives - Page 8 of 20

Sep 29, 2016

MACAFEE’S WORDS OF WISDOM: Saints in the Making

by libbycataldi under Courage, Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Recovery

*This is the first in a series of monthly posts that will source my many conversations with Dr. MacAfee over the years.

A friend, who works in a recovery center, wrote to me: Thought I would share something really cool with you. I am sitting under a tree right now at an animal assisted therapy center outside of Denver. There are animals all around and ten of the guys from the treatment center. I just overheard, from a distance, one of my guys saying that addicts are saints in the making. How cool is it that Dr. MacAfee seems to be right here with us. I never met him, but those words that you shared in your book from him are really important. The guys do need to know that they are Saints in the Making!

My reflection: When my son was in rehab, Dr. MacAfee told me, “I’m honored to do this work. I believe that addicts are saints in the making.” As I left California, Jeff and Dr. MacAfee, I felt hopeful for my son’s recovery. I was grateful that Jeff had made the decision to live a sober life. I realized that we were both choosing. He was choosing sobriety. I was choosing to believe him and to live in the solution.

Today’s Promise to consider: Dr. MacAfee believed that addicts were saints in the making. He said that people in recovery often came back with fervor to live a sober life, to contribute and to make a difference. I have talked with many recovering addicts throughout the world, and I know that Dr. MacAfee was a wise man. Thanks, Doc.

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Sep 1, 2016

RECOVERY HAPPENS: “NEVER GIVE UP”

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Acceptance, Courage, Recovery

A friend of mine forwarded me a letter written by her son. He wrote: The moral of this story is: Never Give Up. Life is an absolutely terrifying phenomenon, but there is always hope hidden somewhere. On July 28, 2012, I remember sitting alone in a drug induced state, watching the sunrise and praying for a god to kill me. I prayed for no afterlife so the pain, the inner anguish, could finally end. This was the moment when I had an epiphany. I thought that instead of slowly watching myself die, I would give life a chance. I checked into rehab and I got clean. Turns out that was the easy part. Staying clean, that’s where shit gets real. I had to figure out who I was, better yet, who I am. The answer didn’t happen overnight. Hell, it’s still an ongoing process. I had to accept that I’m an awkward guy, a people pleaser who doesn’t want anyone to find out that I’m just an asshole with a big heart, and a nervous wreck who tries his best to remain calm. Then something magical happened: I realized that I wasn’t alone. One day I woke up and thought, “Holy damn, I can relate to other people without the use of drugs or alcohol, and they might even like me for who I am?!” And that was a beautiful thing. Life is a beautiful thing. I never thought I could make it to four years clean and sober. With the right attitude, essentially anything is possible.

My reflection: This young man calls out many important parts of the recovery process and delineates the numerous epiphanies that happen along the way. I often hear addicts talk about the rays of hope that enter when things are at their worst and the personal bottoms that ignite the gift of desperation where real change takes hold.

Today’s Promise to consider: This young man’s words remind us all that with addiction there is hope and that sobriety is possible. He discovered that life can be a beautiful thing. Our prayer is that all our suffering children fight for and embrace life in recovery.

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Aug 25, 2016

LEARNING ABOUT RECOVERY

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Gratitude, Recovery

Jeremy, Iysa, Libby, and Jeff

I wrote this passage three years after Jeff chose sobriety, My son’s growth is evident. He laughs more easily, he watches more calmly, he protects himself better. He knows where he hurts and he pays attention to what is coming. He’s more reflective, thoughtful, less impulsive, and more honest. He has good friends. Part of my son died with the addiction, but the son I know is alive. Suffice it to say that he is becoming a strong and caring man.

One year earlier, he told me, “When I awake in the morning, I know if it’s going to be a good day. Some mornings, I reach for a word and it’s like reaching into the fog. Other mornings, when I reach for a word, I pluck it easily out of the air.” He continued, “I’m frustrated that some days aren’t clear, but I guess it will take time. I need to be patient.”

My reflection: We often write about the pain and chaos of addiction, but it’s also important to learn about the process of recovery. My son’s words reminded me that we need to be gentle as our loved ones learn how to live in abstinence.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will be patient with my child’s journey as he learns how to live a life without drugs. Just like healing from any other disease, time takes time, and the process is often painstaking. The joy is in recovery, one day at a time.

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Aug 18, 2016

REFLECTIONS FROM DR. MACAFEE

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Recovery, Stay Close

Dr. Patrick MacAfee and Jeff

With Dr. MacAfee’s death, I reviewed a few of my notes from our conversations. He said: In most family situations, we help and this is good. In addiction, help often becomes enabling which keeps the disease status quo. We don’t do this maliciously. We want to help, but without the right information we foster the sickness and get caught in the trap of manipulation. If the lies collapse and the fiction is eroded, breakthroughs usually occur, but they’re painful. That’s why we maintain the denial and don’t want to see the truth of what is happening. When we stop enabling, we give the addict a chance to shift. We need to get out of the way and stop intervening in the consequences.

My reflection: I was the queen of enabling and denial. I didn’t want to see what was happening with my son, and I wanted to believe him when he told me that he wasn’t using drugs. At the end of fourteen years, I finally got out of the way. I told him that I loved him, but he had to fight for himself. All my efforts to save him only continued the devastating decline.

Today’s Promise to consider: Dr. MacAfee taught me that we need to acknowledge the painful enormity of addiction, but we also need to get out of the way of its consequences. Today, I’ll continue to educate myself about this cunning disease. There’s only room for one in the addiction.

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Jul 21, 2016

TEN YEARS OF SOBRIETY

by libbycataldi under Courage, Gratitude, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

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Photo Credit: Audrey Melton

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY SON JEFF

Today, on July 21, you celebrate ten years of sobriety. This is a huge feat, especially after having suffered a fourteen-year addiction. What would have happened if we had lost you? You faced the demons and came home to yourself and to us. Some research says that only 4% of heroin addicts live and stay well. This is a day to honor.

How far you have come in these past ten years. You pray and meditate, and you radiate serenity and peace. You’ve started a successful music label, and you are a businessman of integrity and strength. Spirituality is at the center of your life, and you inspire me with your hard-fought wisdom and good sense. You have suffered and you have risen.

It took courage, dedication and hard work to reach this day. I call this out because it’s important to do so. A person in active addiction once told me, “If Jeff can do it, so can I.” You give others hope. You give back. You work hard to make the world a better place.

Dad, Jeremy, Iysa and I join your many friends and relatives, who love you and wish you well. We’re proud of you, my son. Here’s to another ten years, one day at a time.

Love you, always and forever. I’ll stay close,

Mom

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Jul 14, 2016

FOUR YEARS: A MOTHER’S STORY OF HOPE

by libbycataldi under Courage, Hope, meditation, Recovery, Stay Close

A mom wrote to me on facebook from 2012 – 2016:

2012: My son had his first visit home on Thanksgiving. It was not good. When we told him that he wasn’t ready to live with his brother, he completely blew up and wouldn’t speak to us. He hasn’t called or texted or anything since then. It’s heartbreaking because I know he is hurting, but he has cut me off. I keep him close to my heart, but he doesn’t want to hear my voice or see me. When you look in your child’s dark and cold eyes and you know they feel unworthy of self love, it totally breaks your heart.

2014: My son celebrated 2 clean years Monday! He’s going to college in a few weeks…..living at home though.

2015: Yesterday, we were at the store looking for dress pants, shirts and ties, patterned socks and “pointy toe” shoes. He is headed back for sophomore year at a local university having finished on the Dean’s list. He is doing a summer internship with a legal company that works on regulatory shipping issues. When he was a small child, I envisioned him working in the legal field. I can’t help but smile!

2016: I wanted u to be the first to know. My son is 4 yrs clean, July 28! He’s going to law school!!! Still staying close!

Today’s Promise to consider: When our child is in the depths of addiction, it’s hard to have hope. Each day is a painful struggle and a reminder that he is alive under the drugs. This mother’s four-year notes tell the story of renewal and possibility. Where there is life, there is hope. I’ll continue to stay close.

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Jul 7, 2016

ALL ADDICTIONS ROB YOU OF YOUR LIFE

by libbycataldi under Courage, meditation, Recovery, Relapse, Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: I am a mother of a 25-year-old son, who lives with us. He is a compulsive gambler. It isn’t heroin, crystal meth or alcohol, but it is the same thing. Any addiction robs you of your life, your joy, and the natural and innate endeavor to survive and thrive. My son has boundless gifts – he is charming, handsome, an athlete – but now those qualities and God’s gifts to him are buried. He is almost unrecognizable. He is full of shame. He is anxious, lonely, in debt and he says he hates himself.

My reflection: There are many kinds of addictions: drugs, alcohol, food, sex, shopping, smoking, gambling and more. They all take our loved ones and our families to the same desperate place.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addictions range from heroin to gambling, and from marijuana to shopping. Addicts of every type live a tortured existence. So do we, who love them. There are times we need to take off our blinders and see our loved one’s behavior for what it is: an addiction. Only in honesty can we find a place of commonality and healing.

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Jun 30, 2016

“I CHOOSE LIFE,” A LETTER FROM A SON TO HIS MOM

by libbycataldi under Courage, Dialogue, family, Recovery

A mom sent me a letter from her son: Dear Mom, As I look at the past, I can only imagine the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry for every hurt. Today, I’m 23 days sober and there is so much I wish I could change, but I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is to try my hardest to accept where I am now, to do my best to succeed from here on out, and to be a son again to you and Dad. I’m treating this as if I am being reborn and need to learn how to live. Thank you for still believing in me and keeping faith. I choose life!

My reflection: What made this young man choose life? His mom wrote that he had been in, “10 rehabs, 12 years of addiction, PCP, heroin, opiates, Hepatitis C, STD’s, you name it, flat lined several times.” I’ve heard many recovering addicts tell me that the most dire consequences of their addiction brought them to sobriety.

Today’s Promise to consider: This young man wrote, “I’m 23 days sober and there is so much I wish I could change. Today, I choose life.” As parents, watching our child suffer is counterintuitive to everything we believe is our role. But with addiction, we need to get out of the way and allow him to feel the consequences of his addiction. For me, I will love my son, stay close and pray he chooses life.

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Jun 23, 2016

“IF YOU’RE NOT WORKING AGAINST ADDICTION, IT RETURNS”

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, Courage, Recovery

Uncle Jeff and niece Iysa

A mother wrote to me: I am the mother of a heroin addict. He is 18 years old and living at home. We have been through a lot over the last two years, but I’m afraid that we are just at the beginning of his addiction. He has been in and out of rehab centers because we’ve forced him to go. He believes he can overcome his addiction on his own; he won’t go to AA or get any help. I fear the future. I am worn down, both emotionally and physically.

My reflection: Can an addict get clean without help? After my son’s second recovery center, he said, “If you’re not working against addiction, it returns. It’s inevitable. The time in treatment was helpful, but it was too early for me. The consequences of my use had been minimal and I was convinced that I could control my using. I refused to accept that drugs had become bigger than I was.”

Today’s Promise: Sobriety is a choice that only our loved one can make. Addiction professionals and the Big Book of AA say that sobriety is best achieved by diligently working a program of recovery. I will encourage my loved one to get help. I pray he fights for his own sake, and ours.

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May 19, 2016

PERHAPS I’VE BEEN THE ONE FIGHTING HIS BATTLES

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Recovery

A friend, whose husband is an alcoholic, wrote to me: Your final straw with Jeff is poignant. I remember your fight with breast cancer and what a struggle that was. To tell Jeff that it was his turn to fight, well that’s what I expect my husband to do. He’s better than someone who just lets life mow him over. Perhaps I’ve been the one fighting his battles. Every time he gets himself into a bad situation he has left it up to me to fix. Since I’m fairly resourceful, I’ve been fixing many of the problems he has created. But he needs to pick up his weaponry and fight, for himself not me.

My reflection: My friend had courage to write to me about her husband. It takes courage to share the stories of the underbelly of our relationships, the stuff we don’t put on Facebook. I responded to her, What worked for Jeff? When I got out of the way. When I surrendered and told him, ‘If you don’t get help, you’re going to die. When I had breast cancer, I could have died. I had to fight. Fight, son, fight.

Today’s Promise to consider: For many years I fought my son’s battles with addiction. When he got into trouble, I rushed in to fix things. That’s what moms do, right? The problem was that I denied my son the opportunity to learn from the consequences of his addiction. The more I stepped in, the bigger the buffer became between his behavior and its repercussions. We each have to fight our battles. In the end, my son fought his. And he continues to fight every day.

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